[LearningIamOk]

Hi SF! I haven't commented on a thread in oh so long. My cousin's D just got bomb dropped and thought I would look in. I just sent the Forum web address to them. I hope she peeks in and finds some comfort. Why do they always do this around a holiday or other significant day?

I can't believe your S is 18 AND has a girlfriend. Time does fly.

Sorry to hear about your troubles and your mom's condition. It must be terribly frightening to watch. My parents have been gone for many years. If my dad was still alive he would be 101.

Your H still seems to be searching for some meaning in his life. Although drinking is no way to find it. I lost a sister last Dec. to alcoholism.

Other bits of your life seem good though. Canning, crocheting, your little dog seem soothing. My family has been such a mess over the last 2 years that I canceled Thanksgiving and went with my boyfriend to his sister-in-law's. I am not putting up a tree this year. I adopted a dog in August and he would probably pull the ornaments off. He's a bit of a terror. He's a border collie mix, about a year old now. He is more work than any of my German Shepards were.

As Yoda says, do or do not. The holidays can be draining and I am only going to do what I can.

[Slow Fade]

Thank you Nas and FTT! 

Learning, it is so good to hear from you! What a journey.....you were there for me in my darkest hours helping me navigate through this mess. I can't thank you enough.....

I still see the searching behaviors in H, but he is more content, more generous and more attentive, (or else I'm just less needy ?) Anyway its working for us. I'm not sure how much he really drinks as he's at work on the weekdays and home on the weekends. His place where he stays while he's working looks like a frat house.  I can't imagine living in that chaos all week long. I work full time too and still manage to keep a presentable house and take care of S18 as well as the animals and the landscaping on our 10 acres. How long does MLC last? Could it be that it lingers like long Covid? Who knows.    This is why the final choice is always the LBS's...….for me it was yes. His dream now is to win the lottery, buy an explorer yacht and travel the 7 seas! As they say, if it floats your boat do it. 

I can say that I've been considering my own mortality lately, probably because of my Mom. It can be a frightening thing sometimes to think about. I can see how people go over the edge into MLC. Running away from the inevitable. Thinking you can stop the passage of time by trying to create a "do over". As Spock would say....(for those of you old enough to remember  ) "Its not logical".  Reality isn't always pretty, but its always reality so better to deal with it than run from it.

S18's girlfriend drove him away. I think for her, when we went to Omaha meet her and her family in person, the reality of S18 being an actual person , live and in color, was too much for her. She prefers to deal in the world of cyber people where she can just shut down her computer and make them go away. S18 was reality and she couldn't handle it. O well, first heartbreaks are always the worst, but S18 recovered pretty quickly and learned some things along the way. Too bad, because they were such a cute couple......

Now he's attending counseling weekly and learning how to deal with his anxiety and depression before he jumps into the world of work. I'm ok with that. He's a help to me around the house and can run errands. We really enjoy each other's company and laugh at a lot of things. He can be snarky and sarcastic but I think he has a heart of gold. He is finally starting to connect with his Dad again. Took long enough, but S18 doesn't forgive easily.

Learning I would love to have another big dog. My little guy is ok, but its not the same. He is basically a cat that barks!  I've had large dogs since I was 14 (Great Dane) and I miss the solid presence of a large protector.

Sorry to hear about the chaos in your family. Its never easy. I don't hear from family on Mom's side much. I think they don't want to see Mom in her condition. Its a very lonely island when you are a caregiver to a loved one with dementia.  Perhaps God was preparing me for this by going through H's MLC. It sure made me a stronger, more independent person. Gotta look at the bright side.

I found it very funny that one of my co workers who thought I was a total doormat and that I should kick H to the curb is now having a daughter who is experiencing this with her H.....the co-worker said "She is handling it with so much grace, dignity and kindness". Gee, when I was doing that she called me a doormat!  Funny how perspective changes! 

[xyzcf]

So good to hear your update. Sad to hear about your mother. 

My mother had Alzheimer's for about 12 years. She was 72 when first diagnosed and I am not so far away from that so I understand thinking about our mortality. Plus I have had a health issue that has added to all that.

I smiled when I read this:

How long does MLC last? Could it be that it lingers like long Covid? Who knows. 

So much for the 2-5 years we first thought.

Enjoy this Christmas season. Your son sounds like he is doing well! I too lost my beloved dog last April and miss her so much but I am doing some traveling so it allows me more freedom but the house is very empty.

[Slow Fade]

Oh xyzcf, so good to hear from you! You were another angel of light in the darkness of MLC.......God Bless you!

Traveling sounds wonderful. I would love to be able to see new places and meet new people. Heck I got excited by a trip across the Great Plains! Who knew how majestic and interesting they would be. I'm very naïve and sheltered I guess! 

Have a great and blessed Christmas.

Hugs

[Wonder no more]

Good to hear your update, like others have said.  I rarely comment on anyone's thread but read often to see how others are doing. Life since this pandemic has been a bit different, but still really good.  I don't miss being in any crowds. Finally going to see family for Christmas. Since my mom is 90 we don't know how many more we will have with her. Plus I have a 2 1/2 yr old nephew I'm dying to see, who just got a new puppy.  H and I are closer than ever....can't believe it's been 11 yrs since his MLC blew up our lives.   We are enjoying our retirement but sometimes feel like life is going too fast.

Wishing you Slow Fade and all us "Old Timers" a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!!!  We had quite the support group didn't we!

[xyzcf]

SF, we all really supported one another. I was so lost back then.

I am actually meeting another well loved LBSer from back then and we shall explore Scotland after I spend some time in the UK.

I am very blessed to have my health and finances to travel.

Come and visit me sometime SF!

[Slow Fade]

Just another update on watching the grass grow in my life! 

H is showing signs of physical affection now. He is generous with his money and time. S19 and he are rebuilding their relationship and it is wonderful.....

S19 has severe anxiety and depression, but counseling is helping. He is having trouble "launching" into life and the anxiety is keeping him from working. I think he will be fine, its just going to take some time.

My Mom is still in a nursing home 2 hours away....I see her as often as I can. She always knows who I am, but she lives in a constant state of delirium and hallucinations.........I miss her as she was. This is no life for her......

Work is work but there is a new opportunity I'm considering. I work here with two women and everything I do or say is wrong.......I have no outlet for emotions or support from them. It sucks. Not to mention that they are wasting my talents. I'm basically a highly paid receptionist and janitor because one of the women gets extremely defensive if any mention is made of sharing the work she does. She thinks I'm after her job.  The boss, who also does HR, is extremely conflict avoidant so the other one always gets her way. She (the defensive one) thinks she is the nicest person in the world; I think she's a bully. O well. Retirement is on the horizon.

Thank you for letting me vent. All I can do here is look busy and keep my mouth shut! 

[MadLuv]

Slow fade-

I’m so sorry about your mom. Sending positive wishes for her. And also for your so . Your work. I was in a position for a short while transferring here for XH promotion. I was just thrown into a job way below me. It was the worst work year of my life and I know the start of issues for my XH and I as I blamed him in ways and think added pressure. I hope you can get into something different.  So glad your H is showing some good signs and specially with Your son. Warms my heart to hear any MLC reconnecting with their kids. It’s what I pray for the most. Thank you for the update

[Slow Fade]

Thank you MadLuv.

Its been 10 years in the making. Very slow. S19 was hurt so bad it has taken him a while to come out of it. Looking back, its been an amazing journey. Not pleasant, but amazing.

I've been at this job for 12 years and was at my previous job at a corporate level for 25. This is just the pettiness of people who think they are more than they are. Very insecure. What makes it hard to leave is that I have Gold Cadillac benefits........and only 7 years until full retirement. Do I have the energy to move on? Would it be fair to a new employer?  I'm not sure. 

I've had a lot of exercise rolling my eyes but I can fall asleep at my desk from boredom......

[MadLuv]

Oh, I get it. Was at my job/company for 25 years and went to a new company at 57 it was not a simple adjustment. 10 years. I shutter to think. Hopefully I will still be alive at 70 and my kids and father will have long ago repaired the relationship. I hope I can look back and think it was an amazing journey. I sure know I will grow from it. Keep us updated on how the father/son do.