[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

I am so sorry for your loss. I think it is especially profound because you are trapped and kept from others during this time of loss. I find the travel restrictions just as crazy as you. I can fly to Florida and spend Spring break with thousands of unmasked and unvaccinated people for no reason other than "I need a break" and you can't fly to Canada to attend your sister's funeral even though you are vaccinated and data shows that they work. The logic behind all of this is absurd.

Sending you my prayers,

(((((Ready))))

[FaithWalker]

I'm so sorry that you have lost your dear sister, XY.  And very sad that you cannot go to Canada for the funeral.

My heart breaks for your isolation.  I too am vaccinated and just a little ways across the State.  Perhaps as soon as I own this car and have it insured in my name I can come across the Mountains to visit with you again.  The weather getting nicer will be a big help.

[xyzcf]

That would be lovely Faith or I can take a trip over the pass. My dog passed 2 weeks ago so there isn't anything to tie me down here...just the Canadian border restrictions.

Never ever ever would I have thought that I could not be with my family when something like this happens. I am ok, my sister was very sick for such a long time, but I just want to see my family. That is the support that I need and I have no idea when that will be. Canada does not make it's own vaccines so they have a very limited supply and the numbers are not good.

I am so used to being "alone" that I don't even know if I have it in me anymore to have a relationship with anyone. That scares me a bit.

Thanks to everyone with your care and kindness. My therapist wanted me to see her this week which I will do....and probably for a bit although a part of me thinks really? I still need to see a therapist? I stated seeing her because of the isolation I was feeling during COVID...at least now I feel safer to do a few things with other people...butI still try and follow the CDC guidelines which  make sense to me....if we continue to stay away from large indoor gatherings...enough people will be vaccinated that we can put a lid on this.

I don't know, sometimes I feel very discouraged. 

I know I feel really tired and "foggy". Today I had to make a stop at three different stores to get what I needed...when I got to my car, I realized I had forgotten to get milk. YIKES!!!!

Calamity assured me tonight that with grief, it is normal to be forgetful and to be careful driving.

Happy Easter everyone!

[Treasur]

Calamity assured me tonight that with grief, it is normal to be forgetful and to be careful driving.

She's right, it is. Strange how helpful it can be sometimes to know that we are normal...or normal for a not so normal situation......

Funnily enough, I read an article yesterday about Anna Freud's work on grief...'About Losing and Being Lost' https://www.ccc.ox.ac.uk/sites/default/files/2021-01/Anna%20Freud%2C%20About%20Losing%20and%20Being%20Lost.pdf
It was something she observed as a pattern with children and then realised was also a pattern with grieving adults.

[stillbaffled]

XY - sending my condolences on the loss of your sister.  It is so hard to not be with family.  My heart goes out to you.

 

[xyzcf]

One of my prayers has always been for the restoration of our family. These past 4 days were a wonderful time as a family together  to celebrate our daughter's birthday and Thanksgiving.

I know that not everyone wants to have this type of relationship with their MLCer, but I do want to tell others who may feel the way I do, that it is possible.

My own healing has allowed me to be at peace with what happened in the past.  That is also what I wanted. To be able to be with him without it tearing me apart. Indeed, I quite enjoy being with him. He seems to feel the same.

But it is different. I am not his wife. We can chat freely about many things, we cook together, the kitchen dancing that was always so much fun is still there, he can tease me about things that were always something he would do. And we laugh and tell stories from our  family times.

And in many many ways, there are still many ties between us, and love.

We will also be together at Christmas. I prefer this to splitting the limited time with our daughter.

I look at these times as two people who have a very long history together and a daughter. Who are still a family..that will always be.

I am grateful, I continue to pray for "us" and try as much as possible to accept God's plan for my life.

He does seem to be well over his "crisis". It is interesting to see the changes that he has gone through over so many years. He is more like the man we knew before his crisis.

It was nice. I think there will be similar times ahead because I allow it. I don't have to,I choose to. It's the best thing in my mind for all of us.

[Hoosier Daddy]

One of my prayers has always been for the restoration of our family. These past 4 days were a wonderful time as a family together  to celebrate our daughter's birthday and Thanksgiving.

I know that not everyone wants to have this type of relationship with their MLCer, but I do want to tell others who may feel the way I do, that it is possible.

My own healing has allowed me to be at peace with what happened in the past.  That is also what I wanted. To be able to be with him without it tearing me apart. Indeed, I quite enjoy being with him. He seems to feel the same.

But it is different. I am not his wife. We can chat freely about many things, we cook together, the kitchen dancing that was always so much fun is still there, he can tease me about things that were always something he would do. And we laugh and tell stories from our  family times.

And in many many ways, there are still many ties between us, and love.

We will also be together at Christmas. I prefer this to splitting the limited time with our daughter.

I look at these times as two people who have a very long history together and a daughter. Who are still a family..that will always be.

I am grateful, I continue to pray for "us" and try as much as possible to accept God's plan for my life.

He does seem to be well over his "crisis". It is interesting to see the changes that he has gone through over so many years. He is more like the man we knew before his crisis.

It was nice. I think there will be similar times ahead because I allow it. I don't have to,I choose to. It's the best thing in my mind for all of us.

I Think it is a beautiful thing that you foster this relationship.  I hope to have the opportunity to do the same in the future.

HD

[HeavenlyFocus]

Thanks XY for sharing this.  I agree with HD that this is indeed a beautiful thing and I have similar views on how I would like my family to be in the future even after the D is finalized.   Not quite sure how I will feel when the D is finalized but I do pray for my family.   My W and I have at least been working together to do what's best for our kids and  I hope that continues.

I also pray for W that she becomes closer to God again.  Our marriage cannot be restored without God being at the center of her life.

Glad you enjoyed the past 4 days and hope that you have a great time at Christmas too.

HF

[dogwalker]

Thats a wonderful post XY.

It made me happy to read and reminded me of how my relationship/reconnection started with my ExW nearly 2 years ago now. We enjoyed each others company and rekindled our old "team work" relationship with cooking, gardening, family meals and birthdays and recently holidays now covid restriction are lifting

We haven't made that step to live full time together but we share our lives from 2 different homes. Maybe one day we will share a home together  full time and TBH Im not sure we will but for now, we enjoy what we have. I see a different person to who BD me 5times the old person from years ago shows thro but a more mature independent person also shines. One that accepts her body is older and needs to exercise in moderation rather the 2 times a day 7 days a week. Most outsiders didnt understand us but slowly they are accepting

All the very best XY

DW.   

[FaithWalker]

XY, I am thrilled that you had a lovely Holiday with your family and that you get to spend time with your D again.

So wonderful!