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Author Topic: My Story Father's Day Continues

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My Story Father's Day Continues
#40: October 02, 2021, 01:57:17 PM
I HAD A DREAM!!!

I commented on StandingStrongs post that i watch his and his MLCRW's progress because i am not able to see my H.  I guess that must have stuck in my head and i had a dream that showed me my H.  It was pleasant yet very much like what he could actually be doing.

In my dream i was in the small town where he was born and raised.  I was talking to his family and H was not around.  They all new we were not together but only one brother knew where H actually lived.  I guess he had went to get H so we could talk.  Funny thing was they were telling me that H had told them that he left because we had a big fight and i told him to get out.  Not even close but i guess he could have really told them that.

When i finally saw him he was like a walking colorful shadow that you could see through.  Our meeting was awkward but we did try to engage in conversation.  He was still very flighty  nervous.  We talked a while and i asked do you have another woman?  Eventually H said even if i do have another woman you are still my W.  The dream was foggy but i remember he was going to stay in town with me for the few days i would be there.  Than i saw him talking on his cell phone in secret and i understood he was telling her he would be gone for a few days.  We were in a room and my dream ended with the door closing.

I guess my brain wondering created a story to fulfill my curiosity.  I dont dream much anymore and when i do it is just bits and pieces.  This dream had a beginning and an end. Funny how the brain works maybe a touch of God saying "let me handle it".

That's my story and i am sticking to it
5hil

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Father's Day Continues
#41: October 08, 2021, 08:43:00 PM
Journaling,
I had my last spinal nerve block on Monday.  3 of 3 so i am hoping this one is the fix. With the first 2 i bounced back within a couple of days.  But this time the anesthesia and steroids kicked my butt.  I have been laying pretty flat due to the pain at the injection site and up until today i had a pretty serious brain fog.  Everyday i am feeling stronger so that's a good thing.

My daughter is decorating the inside and outside with pumpkins etc.  She does a real good job  last year she told me she refuses to not have holiday decorations.  Her D is gone and borders were closed so we could not have our family together like we usually do.

My H 's brother wife reached out to me on Facebook and told me she can't wait until we could see each other again.  Made me feel good yet sad since we were all close watching the generations grow and start their families.  My H is the oldest and is/was the go to brother.  Although we r in a different countries we did well to stay connected.  Social media was our way to reach out to each other across the states and the different countries where our families live.  I do not know what H has told his family but that's his family and i have no reason to share what's going on between us. A long way to say i miss that relationship but respect that they are H's family.

Well that's my story and i am sticking to it.
5hil
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#42: October 09, 2021, 07:48:11 AM
It is nice to keep that family connection going. I was very distressed about losing XH family.  I have been a part of for over 30 years. My D30 wedding proved that we are all still connected and honestly it was like nothing had happened. I’m sure for my XH who is crisis it must be hard to feel so disconnected from family and especially your XW and see her still interacting with your family as normal. I am sure if he decides to stay with OW she will force a meeting and start of connection with his family and then maybe I will fall off the face of the earth, but some how I don’t think so. 
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H-54 W-58  M 7/6/91 Kids d-30 s-28 d-14 (dies 2009)
2013- moments of disconnect start
Aug 2016 promotion requires travel   
Oct 2017-total disconnect
Jan 2018- moved out H
Mar 2018- BD1 found old phone 3 EA ‘17-H in therapy
EA ow1-49,  EA-ow2 57, (EA- ow3-58 not reciprocated)
Sept ‘18 -2nd Home in new state H new job
Oct 2018-H moves home
Oct 2020 BD2 does not return home from B trip
Nov 2020 H move to 2nd home in other state OW4
Div filed-Dec ‘20   Div final-Feb ‘21
Oct 2021- XH moves in OW4
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11796.

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Father's Day Continues
#43: November 25, 2021, 09:46:00 PM
Journaling,
Today was the second Thanksgiving without H's physical presence and third without emotional presence in 42 years.  I had all my children and one of two grandchildren. A very nice time for all.  2 year-old grandson stole the show and was quite entertaining.

Food and beverage were plentiful and the laughter was ongoing throughout the day. The kids D40, D34, S33 spoke about their Dad when discussing their child hood antics.  No discussion about the absence of their Dad.  I am happy we had an amazing holiday, can't say i did not feel the absence a bit but it did not last.

It's funny i felt a bit more independent spending time with the kids and not worrying about my H and his needs throughout the day.  It's kind of a strange feeling content with my family time without H.  Got to see the Macy's parade, love those Rockettes!!

5hil
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« Last Edit: November 25, 2021, 09:47:47 PM by 5hilmerton »

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#44: November 26, 2021, 06:24:20 AM
Sounds like a really nice day. You had your family with you, and that is the best thing.

My family live in another country and I find such times difficult because they are such family focused events. I did have a lovely day with a friend and her family.

Some past holidays, when I have spent with just my daughter have been like you explain. Comfortable without his presence. When he has joined us, it is less comfortable.

Thanks for sharing. Your grandson would be a really lovely part of this family that you have joined together and move forward with one another which is a very very beautiful thing.
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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#45: November 26, 2021, 07:13:29 AM
Thank you Xyzcf for your kind response.  My oldest D40 and her family actually live in Italy.  Due to the border shut down this is the first time since 2019 that she has been able to come home to the US.  My 4 year old granddaughter and my SIL will join her here on 12/17.

It's all good to be able to smile and watch the next generation thrive!!  Being an only child one of my life goals has always been to have children who love each and support each other and will stay close regardless of how far away they live from each other.  Even though we live in different parts my children have a weekly "kid chat".  I love this and it let's me know they will always be there for each other in the good and tough times.

5hil
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#46: November 26, 2021, 07:23:38 AM
Your post made me smile. I just have a daughter and son in law and a brother and his family in Canada. My sister passed away in April. My daughter and I are close, I am so grateful for that but I have chosen to live here because I have a life I have made and the weather is beautiful. Eventually I will return to be closer to her. She doesn't want children otherwise I would move in a flash.

I did not see her for 17 months due to COVID so I can share your joy at what it is like to be physically in the presence of those we love.

Your Christmas is going to be wonderful!!!!!!!

I too will spend Christmas with my daughter, SIL and Mr. xyzcf which is the best solution for us, best for our daughter and that is what matters to me..because she is an only child (as he is) and our family remains very broken but we are fortunate that we can be together at certain times.

Have a lovely visit!!!!
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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#47: November 27, 2021, 01:44:28 AM
Journaling
It has been super cold here as the season transitions. My daughter his here from Italy and i have been staying inside quite a bit.  Feeling guilty for not being in the yard so much.  It's 3:00 am central time and i am having another time to think too much.

A while back i posted about a dream that i had and nobody commented.  I would have liked to have read some comments and thoughts. I believe it helps me to push through the times when I am thinking too much.

I have not heard from H since June when he lost his wallet.  It's really ok i just do my own thing. But there are times, when reading posts from others, i really do wonder why do they just flip into the unknown.  A true Dr. Jekyll and Hyde reality in my life.  I choose not to pursue H because i do not want to bring myself pain.  But to be honest i will always wonder what happened and why my children are off his radar???? H has a daughter from his first wife and he is very much present in her life.

Well those our my thoughts, hopefully i can shut my brain down and get some sleep.

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#48: November 27, 2021, 07:07:49 AM
 I am sorry that you did not get comments on your dream. Sometimes, when I have such a dream, I write it out and listen to what "myself" tells me about each part and I will write it down, the various ideas. I also will search online for what certain  things mean in a dream and sometimes that gives me some insight.

Because there are so many interpretations though, I prefer to delve deeper into my own dreams. It is suggested that you keep a dream journal because sometimes dreams repeat themselves.

Two things that stuck out to me when I reread your dream today:

Quote
When i finally saw him he was like a walking colorful shadow that you could see through
.

I often think about my husband as a "ghost" which is how I felt when I read that in your post. I have heard others here also talk about their missing spouses as being "ghostlike"...their essence is gone.

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We were in a room and my dream ended with the door closing.
Although you could see that as an ending of sorts, I also thought, well they are in the room together. Once again, open to lots and lots of interpretation. I have talked with my therapist about dreams that I had but I would not really want too many people to comment here because our dreams are very specific to us and our own situation.


Quote
really do wonder why do they just flip into the unknown.  A true Dr. Jekyll and Hyde reality in my life.  I choose not to pursue H because i do not want to bring myself pain.  But to be honest i will always wonder what happened and why my children are off his radar???? H has a daughter from his first wife and he is very much present in her life.

We have all asked this over and over...why would they do this? So many years later, I have learned to "accept" that it happened and although there are many theories of the causation of MLC, there really is no definitive answer.

If you have been reading Tornup's thread, she is also searching for "why" and you may find that some of what has been written there applies.

I find it really difficult because we have had contact throughout the years and he has never given me any explanation and his behavior is so erratic that I have just learned to let it all pass. I still read other's stories because it confirms to me that "this MLC" does indeed occur.....this is not just happening in our family and although outside sites like this, we don't often hear about stuff like this, it is real and tremendously painful.

When I met new friends and the topic arises, trying to explain what happened, I usually am met with this look of utter disbelief because it all sounds so outrageously impossible for anyone to just leave like that....I have often thought that if this were not happening to me, I would be fascinated by the psychology of it.

Enjoy your daughter!
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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Father's Day Continues
#49: November 27, 2021, 09:57:02 AM
5hik- dreams are tricky thing are ‘t they. Sometimes they are complete fiction, sometimes a fore shadowing ( at in my case) and sometimes it is to work out or run through scenarios  in out subconscious (IMHO) I have had dreams where XH is mean, some kind, some where OW has become disfigured🤪 In the end I believe it is my mind trying to still resolve the crisis they have left us in. That’s how I look at them.
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H-54 W-58  M 7/6/91 Kids d-30 s-28 d-14 (dies 2009)
2013- moments of disconnect start
Aug 2016 promotion requires travel   
Oct 2017-total disconnect
Jan 2018- moved out H
Mar 2018- BD1 found old phone 3 EA ‘17-H in therapy
EA ow1-49,  EA-ow2 57, (EA- ow3-58 not reciprocated)
Sept ‘18 -2nd Home in new state H new job
Oct 2018-H moves home
Oct 2020 BD2 does not return home from B trip
Nov 2020 H move to 2nd home in other state OW4
Div filed-Dec ‘20   Div final-Feb ‘21
Oct 2021- XH moves in OW4
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11796.

 

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