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Author Topic: My Story Best of Times and the Worst of Times

C
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My Story Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#90: November 25, 2021, 01:28:36 AM
Good for you, HF - you are setting boundaries based on what you need for your growth and healing. Of course she doesn’t like those boundaries… even though you aren’t setting them in order to make her deal with some consequences of her actions, that’s one of the results, and they don’t like consequences. They want to blindly pursue their “happiness,” and they want everyone to be thrilled for them - even the people they use and discard along the way. You have instead chosen the healthy grownup path.
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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#91: November 25, 2021, 03:48:41 AM
Good for you, HF - you are setting boundaries based on what you need for your growth and healing. Of course she doesn’t like those boundaries… even though you aren’t setting them in order to make her deal with some consequences of her actions, that’s one of the results, and they don’t like consequences. They want to blindly pursue their “happiness,” and they want everyone to be thrilled for them - even the people they use and discard along the way. You have instead chosen the healthy grownup path.

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Me - 58, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 11
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

H
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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#92: November 25, 2021, 08:26:27 PM
Thanks JB, SS, Curiosity, and UM for your Ding, Ding, Ding Winner GIF!

I had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday with my friends and feel good about where I am at.   Received a text from my youngest daughter letting me know how much she missed me.   Definitely a different Thanksgiving Holiday away from my kids but I am ok and at peace. 

HF
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W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021
D Final - Jan 2022

H
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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#93: December 15, 2021, 07:40:41 PM
It's amazing how time flies as it's been 3 weeks since I last posted.   Lots going on with kids activities, getting ready for Christmas, and the monster returning as we finalize are D.

First the good as both my girls continue to great in school and their sports activities.   We had a competition for my one daughter the previous weekend and my other daughter has a tournament this weekend.  It's funny that I thrive and love my kids activities while my MLCer is overwhelmed with life right now.   Very sad for her.

One of the challenges has been with my oldest D14.    She is starting to test boundaries and reacting to the differences that will be with this Christmas as our family is apart.  Trying to set good boundaries and reestablish mutual respect between us.   She has been disrespectful at times and I have been hurting as Christmas draws near.

As for MCLer, she has been a complete mess accusing me of impacting some her close girlfriend relationships.  The truth is that our pending D has impacted both the relationships of the couples that we used to hang out with.  She also is completely overwhelmed with life and continues to blame me for lots of things.   I am trying to detach as much as possible but must continue to communicate about the kids.   Just focused on the kids for now and ignoring the other nonsense.

Our D should be final in the next 1-2 weeks.   I am at a point where I am ready to sign and have accepted the current reality.   It makes me sad to see our family life tore apart.  I am not going to let it bring me down.   Planning for my new life in 2022 and going to set some goals for me and my two D's.

Lastly, I am doing well at work  as I had a review today which I am meeting expectations (pretty good review considering the chaos in the my life over the past year).  My girls and I leave to see family next week.  I then have a couple days of work before going on another trip with my brother to watch a college football bowl game while my kids are with my W.

Looking forward to this Christmas holiday in spite of all the hurt. 

HF
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W - 42
M - 46
Together 19 years, M 17
2 kids
BD - July 2020
W Left Home - January 2021
W Filed for D - May 2021
D Final - Jan 2022

P
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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#94: December 15, 2021, 07:57:09 PM
Best wishes with your endeavours.
Sounds like you are going strong and on the right track.
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"Trying to taste green with my elbow ;-)"

Im always reminded of that 80's movie.. War Games.. The best way to win is not to play the game.

Affair found out April 2021
BD June 23rd 2021
Moved out July 8th 2021(Same day our granddaughter was born)

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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#95: December 15, 2021, 08:16:17 PM
Quote
Looking forward to this Christmas holiday in spite of all the hurt.

It isn't easy but we must find peace and joy even in our lives. I remind myself that he was not all of my life, there was and is a great deal more to xyzcf than one man, although I miss him and I miss our intact family....but there is a lot of good in my life too.

Congratulations on the good work review! It is hard to focus on work when we are looking at our families being broken up and an impending divorce.

Quote
Our D should be final in the next 1-2 weeks.   I am at a point where I am ready to sign and have accepted the current reality.

You cannot stop something that they feel they must have and when that is over, you can put it to rest.

My husband waited 9 years and then texted me that he was divorcing me. End of discussion. 12 years after BD there are some retirement assets that I received in our legal separation from 2011 that have to be dealt with. I never wanted a divorce and thought the legal separation gave me the protection I needed but I would have preferred that all the financial stuff was finalized back in 2011 because it just brings up feelings of unease so many years later.

On the other hand, he's still in my life and we will spend Christmas together as a family. The divorce does matter to me, don't get me wrong, but somehow he's still here in some ways.

Each situation is different. We really do not know what's ahead so best to look at the here and now which you are doing and enjoy the life that you have today, with your daughters, family and friends.

Quote
Planning for my new life in 2022 and going to set some goals for me and my two D's.

Exactly what you can control and what you can do.

I wish you a joyful and blessed Christmas. There will be moments of sadness, that is normal for such a loss. Hopefully they willbe less than more.
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« Last Edit: December 15, 2021, 08:17:35 PM by xyzcf »
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#96: December 16, 2021, 01:52:52 AM
HF,

You know what the difference is between a teenager and a Mid-Lifer?

The Teenager will grow out of it someday...

Seriously, you are spot-on in that her actions and pending D are the cause of the rupture between her and the couples that you formerly used to hang out with... Her actions = her consequences. Pointing that out, however, is an exercise in futility.

As for D14 - Teenagers in Puberty - Can't live with 'em and can't hang 'em by their toes from the ceiling fan either... All you can do is to have your boundaries and lovingly enforce them...
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Me - 58, xW - 51
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 14, D - 11
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

P
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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#97: December 16, 2021, 02:27:36 AM
HF,

You know what the difference is between a teenager and a Mid-Lifer?

The Teenager will grow out of it someday...
This is hilarious, true but also sad.
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"Trying to taste green with my elbow ;-)"

Im always reminded of that 80's movie.. War Games.. The best way to win is not to play the game.

Affair found out April 2021
BD June 23rd 2021
Moved out July 8th 2021(Same day our granddaughter was born)

5
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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#98: December 16, 2021, 03:24:04 AM
HF,
great update a lot of moving forward since your first post.  It's been a very busy year full of the unexpected.  The teen years can be trying and in their minds your may not no anything for a few years but they do grow up. Happy Holidays and cheers to a more favorable new year!

5hil
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C
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Best of Times and the Worst of Times
#99: December 16, 2021, 10:09:14 AM
HF, thanks for the update. You are navigating this difficult process with strength and grace; truly setting a fine example for your kids. Wishing you a holiday season filled with all the peace and joy you deserve.
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