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Author Topic: My Story Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7

M
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My Story Re: Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7
#100: October 14, 2021, 09:12:52 AM
Tornup - The relationship I initially had with my MIL was complicated. Luckily, because my MIL stopped drinking and owned her failures that helped. Once she started being a M and grandma in the truest sense and her actions aligned with her true core, then things changed for the better and she and I became very close.

My M - that is a different story. Our relationship was always very close. I admire my M and always have. But, MLC certainly was a bit of a game changer.

Part of this goes back to college. I suffered from a severe bought of depression brought on by what took them months to figure out. I had a severe B12 deficiency that brought on exhaustion and it created this vicious cycle of me going from a student who was used to taking 19-21 credit hours a semester, working a job and carrying straight A's in my classes to not being able to get out of bed and go to classes regularly. The depression came from suddenly functioning the way I was used to and not knowing why I was so tired. When they couldn't find anything wrong for months, I thought I was going crazy. They didn't test for B-12 on 20 year olds back then. When they figured it out after months and months of testing, I finally started to feel like myself. But in the interim, they had me in seeing an IC, who said she didn't believe my issues were mental by any stretch, but I saw her faithfully for months to keep myself from falling deeper while they tried to figure it out. I fought my way back after that was figured out and still graduated at the top of my class. I have always had fight in me.

For my parents, this was a horrible time. My F let go of it. My M, I know that bubbles up for her if she thinks there is any sign of me being down. She worries. Unfortunately, when BD hit, it brought back those protective instincts in her. And I think sometimes when I show any signs of being down, or aggravated, even for a short time, it brings out this fear in my M that I am going down the rabbit hole.

The truth is before MLC, I really only had "normal" ups and downs.

After that college experience and prior to MLC, I vowed no matter what, I was never going to go down that path again. If I felt down for any reason for an extended time, I would seek help. I didn't like feeling that way in college and so, for me BD really took me down. Especially the second BD. I did seek counseling and they put me on anti depressants for a short time after that, but it was different. I am very regimented about my B12 and knowing my body etc. - BD was a whole different situation and it has taken me time to realize that. I don't think my M understands how incredibly different it is - it is not the same experience at all and I wouldn't wish it on her to truly grasp it, TBH.

From my M's perspective, I can see why she has these what I would say are "knee jerk" reactions. She watched me be mentally be beaten down and even I didn't know if I could get through an hour of my day some days.

The problem lies in that I am not that person at all anymore. I have done the work I needed to do to move past that and have faced my own issues. I have made changes and embraced who I was before BD. I am back to being more true to myself on many levels.

I have changed and my M has changed some. I can't control her behaviors, but I can work on modifying mine when it comes to her. I realize that because she is in part overly concerned and will never grasp my situation with my Xh. I am going to have to adapt and try not and share some of my frustrations. It only creates problems for us and it is in part because it is something she can't possibly understand. I have to change what I share with her.

I also know that the pandemic and the time up until the surgery for my M were very difficult on her. She lost a great deal of confidence in herself and her personality changed some. But, in the past month, now that my M can drive again and her sight has improved dramatically, both kids noted, as did my F, my sister and I that she is starting to act more like she once did. I don't expect it to magically all go back to the way things were, but she seems more like herself too - so maybe that will help level things out between the two of us again.

As for the BS with Xh. I am over it - LOL. I am on a different path and it was like tripping and falling into a bush with prickers on it along my path. I have regrouped and am going to enjoy my little part of the world.  :)
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« Last Edit: October 14, 2021, 10:09:19 AM by MourningDove »

T
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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7
#101: October 14, 2021, 12:04:36 PM
 Sounds like a lot of love from your Mom. Also, very few get the MLC aspect and I wouldn’t have either if I hadn’t tried to figure out the crazy behavior and change, so I can see why people want to shake us and tell us not to be fools. It has taken me 10 months to get to a place where XH every actions don’t throw me into a downfall. Finally, starting to let go. Still have some bombs that have set me off, but I no longer linger in pain.

Thank you for explaining. Makes so much more sense!!!
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H-54 W-58  Married 7/6/91 Kids d-30 s-28 d-14
2009 D14 dies from cancer
2013-D30 marries & issues for H begin
Summer ‘15 pulling away
August ‘16  H turns 50 & promo requires travel                     2017-disconnected
Jan 2018  H rather div. then talk.  H stopped Div.
march 2018- BD1 found old phone 3 EA ‘17-H in therapy
EA ow1-49,  EA-ow2 57, EA- ow3-58 not reciprocated by OW
Sept ‘18 bought 2nd Home in new state H new job
Oct 2018-H moves home
Oct 2020 BD2
Nov 2020 H move to 2nd home in other state
OW4- 46 subordinate at work
Div filed-Dec ‘20   Div final-Feb ‘21
Aug21- H regrets & some clarity. Still escape and avoid
Oct 2021- detaching

The beginning of my journalling
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11796.0

R
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Every Storm Runs Out of Rain - 7
#102: October 15, 2021, 07:20:19 PM
And a B12 deficiency in and of itself can cause depression even if your grades and performance didn't change because of some other reactions in the body that are dependent on B12 and affect the brain. All the more reason for her to not correlate the B12 deficiency time with depression due to life circumstances.

But sorry to hear that she is still concerned.
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