[Dragonfly33]

Sam Thank you for answering my questions honestly. I’m amazed how you handle things between your H. I don’t think I can ever forgive him for what he’s done or even accept him back. Maybe I will just forget the pain and move on with my life. My H also filed for D, this is his second attempt. I’m not going to not agree with it, I will sign it once we get an agreement. And hopefully then, all this BS with MLC will be behind me. I am aware they are not normal but they are also aware of what they’re doing and that is hard for me to empathize. I don’t know if my H will ever heal, or if he needs healing at all. Maybe he healed already and found his happiness finally. That’s his life now, I just need to focus on mine and try to tie all loose ends this time. 

[Sam I Am]

I just need to focus on mine and try to tie all loose ends this time.

This is exactly what an LBS has to do.  Focus on yourself.  What do you want?  What do you like?  What makes your happy?  Most importantly...What is in your best interest?

Do you have any self care?  Things you do for yourself just for your own enjoyment? It can be anything and it doesn't have to be expensive.  I love pickleball and nature walks now that I can do both again.  I also enjoy massages but they get pricey so they are limited and used as a special treat!  In bad weather, I'll binge watch shows I tape during the summer when I am not watching TV due to being able to be outside doing things.

Find all those things and try to do something for yourself every day!  I have a gal pal that likes to lay on the floor and meditate.  Would love to try this but my dogs lick my face so it is not relaxing to me.  Find your niche!

D Fly....you will figure this out.  My advise is don't run from the triggers...figure out what healing you still need to do and do it for you!   You got this!  Here if you ever need anything!  ~Sam

[Sam I Am]

Today is our 38th Wedding Anniversary.  I have spent the last 5 alone and it no longer hurts. 

2022:  He didn't recognize it again.  He called D first thing this am and wished GD a happy birthday and wanted to know their plans.  This is a plus.  She told him  and said we are eating breakfast...can I call you back.  She reported he sounded disappointed because D and GD went out without him at one of the restaurants he likes.  Him reaching out is a move forward. 

Later she called to invite him to lunch and he declined.  Said he was just sitting at home watching TV.  he answered so at least he was not with ow1.  that is a positive.

D decided to stir the pot.  She sent a group text to all of us wishing us a Happy Anniversary.  He totally ignored it and sent her a picture of corn he picked up for her.  I did a thumbs up and just kept going onto the next texts in the string.

2021:  No recognition of Anniversary but we did see each other when we got together for GD.  He was amicable.

2020:  Same as 2021.  Must friendlier this year and in 2021 and 2019

2019:  GD first b day.  He showed and followed me around.  Sat near me and chatted but he looked really uncomfortable now when I think back.  He could have sat with his family and totally ignored me but he stayed near me.  Really weird looking back at it.  Not a mention of anniversary. 

2018:  He missed the birth of GD because he was off living with OW1 in another state and didn't or couldn't come back.  three weeks later he was back and living with his parents.  I will always treasure being able to hold both GC1 and GC 2 within hours of being born.  Due to covid, that didn't happen with GC3...it was days.  Of course no mention of anniversary since he was off living with OW

2017:  Looking back,  he was distant.  He was gone.  He was up early and out of bed and wasn't close that day.  Hindsite...now I know why.  He was already checking out. Affair had started months ago.  Limerance was gaining momentum.

2016:  All was fine.  Nothing notable.

2015:  Our 30th Anniversary.  We both teased each other that we could stay in the marriage or check out now.  It was a joke that at 30...it was the last time to back out...after that you were a lifer.   We were happy.  All was well.  At the end of the day, we both agreed we were lifers.  Little did I know....

[Sam I Am]

It's been a lil over a month since my last update and we are back to the NOT A LOT is happening mode.

OW2 - still no signs of her.  She is a teacher and back to school now.  In the past, he would take long weekends and go and visit over the summer.  That has not happened this summer.  Last time he went to the shore to visit her was the end of May.  No disappearing acts the rest of this summer and H and his family is still not social media friends like they were before.  The connections between them all seemed to drop off about the same time she blocked me suddenly.

OW1 - to me it seems like they are developing a stronger bond again.  His vehicle continues to be seen there on a regular basis.  Why....I don't know.  I could let me imagination run wild but I can't do that or bad things happen with me.  I refuse to let myself visit there.  It is not easy.  It is a fight within myself. 

I know they say OP's ultimately end up being nothing...but that nothing hurts when I think about her getting the love and attention of MLC H.  It hurts if I let myself thing that he is choosing her over me and worse that he chooses her over his kids and grandkids.  He misses time with them to be with her.  OUCH!

H continues to bounce in and out of my life.  Sometimes he seems so near normal and other times he just seems like a shell of a man who is just going through motions.

He pops in and then disappears for a few days to a week.  Then pops back again.  He is communicating more but only slightly more than he has for the past few months. 

He will pop in and do acts of service like mow my lawn or weed whack but then disappear again.  There is no consistency.  it is just hit or miss when he feels like it.

He will pop in and do family things and then at other times he has excuses for not wanting to join in family activities.

He is being more free with is money and offering to pay part of the gifts for the kids and grandkids.  He had done this in years past, then he went through a time of just doing his own thing and now he is back to volunteering.  Even after the fact saying how much do I owe you for a gift or what do you plan on doing?

He still does not reach out without an excuse.  Lately he has called to touch base about when and where I am playing pickleball.  Especially if he doesn't see me on the play sites. 

I know these things mean nothing.  I don't hang hopes on his actions because:

1.  there is no consistency
2.  there is no desire from him to want to be in a relationship with me or even with many members of the family right now
3.  Pickleball still seems to be a link yet when we are at the courts, he sometimes acts like I don't exist yet I see him watching me out of the corner of his eye.
4.  He is back to dropping hints like he had done in early MLC.  Baiting or testing to see how I will react?
5.  He is sloppy when doing some things around the house.  Leaving tools out, now mowing strips of grass, skipping weed whacking so some of the stuff has to be manually cut since my whacker is not working or leaving clippings.  Things that used to drive him nuts, he is leaving there then bringing it to my attention days later when I say nothing about it.  I feel like this could possibly be him goading me on for a reaction and I refuse to give it


Me....I'll admit there are some things that trigger me occasionally.  I have to be on guard to take control of my thoughts so they don't run away.  It is easy most of the time.  i have a few LBS friends who are great at helping me figure out what is happening and helping me look at the triggers in a constructive way so that I can face them head on.

99% of the time I just live my life the way I want to live it.  I think of him but I am no longer obsessed with him.  Somethings bug me but I have to learn to let them go for my own peace and quiet.

I still just observe.  I see what is in front of me and make mental notes and just keep on going.  I don't see each of his contacts the way I did at the beginning.  I no longer think This is IT.  He is coming home.  Now it is more of....Oh well, he is at it again.   Not the first...won't be the last.   Next please!  LOL

[rosetintedglasses]

Great update Sam.

I wonder if he has light coming in to his tunnel like he had at the beginning. Just a little. Occasionally.

I hope so,
Such a big deal missing the birth of his grandchild because of OW. I remember it and it felt ridiculous. Now looking back, yes it was ridiculous. Good to know we were thinking straight back then, I thought we were!

When they say this takes a long time, they mean it.
Thanks for posting
Rose 🌹

[Sam I Am]

Hey Rose!  Hope all is well with you!

As for a light....no...I don't think so.  I do see him doing more weird things.  Cycling maybe in his own unique way?

Who know...I just keep watching to see to see how it plays out but I am getting tired of watching nothing.  It's like watching the news and it just seems to be only about bad stuff at times.

[Sam I Am]

So over the last few weeks, H has popped up and it has been interesting to say the least.

After a period of a drought, he popped up with some phone calls.  Long phone calls.  Nearly daily and only when he was working.   This is what he did during early replay after bomb drop. 

He still has a lot of rambling but he always has a reason for calling before the rambling starts.

Some things he has done that he done that are out of the normal for him lately.

* He offered for me to ride with him to pickleball one evening and then volunteered to go out for dinner afterwards.
*He showed up to the house unannounced.  I was moving furniture with the help of SIL and asked for help.  He did but when it came time to move a dresser in the bedroom he acted like he couldn't go in.  He hung back until SIL shamed him into helping and then he couldn't get out fast enough.
* On the same occasion, as soon as we were done, he walked outside and stood in the rain in the driveway and said....well, I think I am gonna go for a ride.  I don't know what else to do today.
*He has called and had LONG convos.  Mostly him telling me things but all have been 20 plus minutes vs 1-2 min calls or just texting.
*He is starting to mimic some of my actions.  Saying thank you for this or that.  Saying he appreciates this or that.  It is weird to hear it coming from him.
*When I was down with covid, he called twice to see how I was doing.  I was floored.

I don't expect to hear from him for awhile.  Last night he inadvertantly dropped some info that he didn't want me to know.  I kept my mouth shut and didn't say a word about it but he had to do some back peddling.

Over the last few weeks, i suspected he moved back in with OW1 again.  His car has been spotted there more often than in the past and some facebook posts show the two of them together at a social function.  I have no proof...just my gut.
Yesterday in a convo he mentioned he was helping his sister to get a vehicle towed.  He told the tow truck driver it was gonna be tricky to get the vehicle out of the shed due to the trees and twists in the driveway.  He finished his story and I asked how the driver made out.  He responded....I don't know.  I left to go home to get ready for work.   We both paused...I said nothing and he stammered and said...you know...I went inside to take a shower and get my work clothes on.  That is is what I meant. 

Yeah ok buddy is all I am thinking.  If he said I left to get ready...Ok...I buy your story.  He specifically said I left to go home to get ready for work.   Why would you leave to go home from the place you already claim to be living in? 

I still have no proof that he is living with OW1 and I am not going looking but this smells fishy to me.  Crazy MLCers. 

As for me....I am still doing well.  Still playing PB.  I survived covid with nothing more than a head cold and a sinus infection.  I still don't have full taste and smell but I feel it slowly coming back. 

Things at the office are looking up.  I hired a new employee who I look forward to working with when she starts in December.  Some pain the in butt employees are quitting and I am downsizing to one office which will make life so much better in the long run!  I am so excited for the changes to take place over the next few months. 

[FaithWalker]

Catching up almost a month later Sam.  Definitely what he said would lead one to believe that he is living elsewhere.  Big slip up on his part.  MLCers and their stupid secrets.   

[Schratz66]

Still hanging with you Sam and still admiring your attitude and strength...keep going

[MadLuv]

How interesting that his communication seems to have gone back to more early post BD. Maybe some cycling on thinking on what he is doing? Uncertainty and you are the safe place