Ah, the Xh interaction - the gift that keeps giving.
When my day started the sun was streaming into my bedroom and I was incredibly relaxed. I stayed snuggled in bed for about half after waking up and thought about what I wanted to do today. I saw it was incredibly cold outside still and figured a day inside would be a good plan, other than doing things like taking the garbage out.
While I was making my coffee, I decided that I should tackle some sewing projects that needed done. Among them, my M had broken her sewing machine a couple of weeks ago and she asked me to hem a couple of pairs of pants for my F that he had purchased awhile back. Instead of working in my sewing room, which is lovely, I settled on setting up in the kitchen, as one project I had on my radar was dealing with the banquette upholstery project that has been sidetracked ever since the mess with the hot water heat pipes.
The whole day was lovely, as the sun streams into the kitchen all day long this time of year onto the kitchen table. It helped my mood immensely and I just pushed through some of those little projects that have piled up.
D was at her BF's tournament all day. S was in the garage with his friends, as they are working on solving an issue with C's truck. S's GF was asleep on and off and the puppy decided it was too cold out to hang outside too long, so she was snuggled up with GF.
I threw in laundry and then around dinner time, the electric went out. It was a mass outage which they originally figured would be several hours. It was strange since the weather, at least around my area was just cold - not stormy or even windy. I am not sure what the issue was, but as it got darker outside, I figured worst case scenario, I would just crawl in bed early and pull out some extra blankets as the time frame for repairs wasn't projected to be an extended problem into tomorrow. It wasn't very long until things all came back on.
D came through the door. She was tired. She has a huge exam tomorrow. She walked into the kitchen and saw my sewing machine set up and then started on how where was she going to eat breakfast in the morning? I bit my lip and let her get her rant out before calmly looking at her and telling her I wasn't planning on leaving everything set up. Then I calmly asked her what was really bugging her, because she was picking a fight with me, which usually means it is something else completely. She said somehow Xh found out when her graduation is. He also knew that only 4 people are allowed to go and mentioned it to S. S later informed me he had no idea how Xh had even gotten the information, considering it didn't come from me or anyone else. Even S didn't know about it. I have my suspicions as to where it came from, as Xh has friends "in the know"
. At any rate, he had pressed S about who was invited. D was on the verge of tears and she completely spilled her concerns.
She wanted to know why she should invite her F or even entertain the idea. She said he hasn't supported her in any way - financially is the obvious most people would go to, but she said she doesn't care about the financial in all honesty. She could get past that part if he had even remotely been supportive emotionally. She recalled how he behaved at her graduation from high school and noted how he left. Then he tried to derail every college she considered. He never went to a tour or anything else for that matter.
I just let it pour out of her. I thought as she was purging her feelings of how it is so incredibly sad considering I haven't pushed the financial issue and had left the door open for him to make it right. And it isn't about just college. He has never shown up to just take her to dinners or texted. She didn't originally shut him out. She is not the one that made that choice. And, I know kids can sometimes shut parents out, etc. Xh continually just uses S. S is learning, but it is still more than Xh even gives D.
D said she isn't inviting S. I was a little shocked, but didn't ask. She said it is not because she is mad at him. She doesn't want to put S in the middle of Xh's games and she said she knows S has no real desire to sit through several hours of a graduation ceremony. No, probably not. So, she told me she also was not asking her BF. I was a little surprised, but she went on to tell me that she didn't want S to think somehow she was choosing her BF over him because she wasn't. So, she has informed me that she wants me there and that was a no brainer. I wanted to laugh and say "sure that is today. Tomorrow I could be the evil M again."
I kept that thought to myself. LOL. She then said that my parents are the next two people and then she wants my sister there because she has been there ever since she and S were little and has never wavered from being a person who has been there for she and S. D said she wished she could invite more than just 4 people, but that is where we are at with the pandemic protocol.
What could I say?
She relaxed and George came into the kitchen. He had been napping, but has been a demon all day. He stayed inside with the cold and was full of energy. At one point it sounded like elephants running around upstairs. D scooped him up and he chirped as he does when he sees her. She entered her room and I heard her ask him what had he been up to all day, because her area rug was not only moved from it's spot but curled up. He had unmade her bed and the basket she keeps all of his toys in was emptied and everything scattered about. She laughed and said clearly he had extra energy.
I went upstairs and D was already snuggled up on her bed with George and was going to watch TV. I was a bit shocked to see that TV go on. Normally she would be in front of her computer studying. She smiled and said her professor, the one whose class she has an exam in tomorrow told her to not study tonight but to take some time off and just behave like a normal college student sometimes. LOL.
I knew that the interaction with Xh would create a ripple effect. It would have had I not spoken to him and I know it would have been far worse. It should have been expected at this rate because he likes to shake things up before he goes on these trips of his anyways. And, D already voiced what she sees happening. He will be seeing his siblings, including the BIL D is close to. Xh will behave like they are all hunky dory and he and D have patched things up or he will try to make it look like he is the one who is trying.
Either way - I am glad he will be gone for two months. I don't need him helping S move in and playing supportive parent at this point. I don't think I can handle another day of Xh playing the "charming X" role. Sheesh.
What will always bother me personally is that I don't get it. I gave him every opportunity to be a F. I wanted that for the kids and for him, TBH. No matter how mad I was at him, I stayed true to my core and protected the kids from being used as some way to win Xh back or to punish him somehow. I have twisted myself up in knots to try and keep Xh from driving a wedge between them, by biting my lip. I realized there was only so much I could control and frankly I don't like playing games or controlling people at all.
Xh has made choices. He continues to make those choices. He is going to suffer consequences that he may not recover from. I don't know how he will ever make it right with D. Supposedly he has this account with money in it for D. Whether that is true or not, IDK. What I do know is it won't matter if he writes her some huge check to pay off her loans. She doesn't want his money. She never did. That is neither D, nor S. They do not care about money in the grand scheme. Xh is not going to be able to buy himself out of this. Especially with D. She has never been a person that can be bought.
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She's My Kind of Rain