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Author Topic: My Story Through the Looking Glass

s
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My Story Through the Looking Glass
#100: September 29, 2024, 11:35:28 PM
Congratulations HF! My very best wishes. Looking forward to hearing how it goes. Always want to find out how dating works from the male perspective.
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Affair began likely around 2016
Moved out Nov 2018
2nd GF late? 2019
Divorce May 2020
3rd GF Nov? 2023
Me: Still single
C
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Through the Looking Glass
#101: September 30, 2024, 05:34:05 PM
HF, so good to read your update! There's no one right way to heal from MLC, there's no right outcome in terms of the marriage... what matters is that we heal and build a new life going forward, one that feels authentic to each of us. But even though there's no one "right" way, your story is exemplary. From BD onward, you have been there for your kids, and you have worked on your own healing and rebuilding. It's not always easy, but your grace and strength are truly inspirational. I wish you all the best in whatever comes next for you.
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H
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Through the Looking Glass
#102: October 18, 2024, 09:28:18 PM
Quote from: HeavenlyFocus on September 26, 2024, 08:30:45 PM
Thx FW.  Always appreciated your support.

Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to check in to say hello.  Life here has been good.  I am busy looking for another job as my current one isn’t what I need in my life.  My girls are doing great back in school and overall things are peaceful.

I am done talking about the dysfunctional MLCer.  Not worth putting anymore time into her.

I have finally started to look to date someone again in the past two weeks.  I am still figuring out the dating app world as I had a flip phone the last time I dated someone.  I am enjoying the messaging on the dating apps and hope to go a date soon.  I am in no rush as I am content by myself, but my heart has healed to want to be with someone special.  I deserve it.

Wish everyone the best on your journey.

HF

Thank you FW, Sache, and Curiosity for your continued support.  I have some rather meaningful journaling which is much more impactful than anything I have posted over the past 18 months.

Journaling

This has been the most amazing week that I have had in such a long, long, time.  First, I got offered a job on Monday and it seems like the perfect fit for what I need in my life.   It's a hybrid role with 3 days in the office Tu, Wed, Thu and remote on Mon/Fri.    I had been looking for a new job as the pipeline for work in my current job was rather soft and the culture in my department was toxic.   It turns after I gave my notice early this week, they ended up laying people off which I may have been included.   Feels very good to be moving on into a better situation while leaving on my own terms. 

Even more impactful this week was when I connected with a woman close by through the dating app.  After messaging on Wednesday and Thursday, we agreed to meet for coffee today.   It was the first date for both of us in over 20 years.   While on the coffee date, the chemistry was very good so we then proceeded to have lunch close by.   Here are the two biggest outcomes from this first date.

First, I know now that I am healed and ready for open up to someone else.   Talking with her was so easy and I feel emotionally ready to move forward with a serious relationship.   All my LBS fears and anxieties from the past are gone.   Still planning to take it slow but I very excited about the future.  I could not have imagined feeling this way 1-2 years ago.

As for my date, she is an amazing woman who seems to be a similar point in life as me.   We share common interests and also seem to have dealt with similar divorce circumstances.   

What's also interesting during this first date experience is that I started thinking about aging and what I do truly want over the next 20-25 years.   I am almost 50 so my perspective regarding a future partner is much different that when I was in my 20s and 30s. 

Sorry if I am rambling but it feels like my life is starting to come together.   A life far away from the pain and challenges brought by the MLCer and her crisis.

Have a great weekend everyone,

HF
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M - 49
Divorced 2.5 years
2 kids
BD - July 2020
XW Left Home - January 2021
XW Filed for D - May 2021
D Final - Jan 2022
J
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Through the Looking Glass
#103: October 19, 2024, 04:01:18 AM
Great news, HF! Glad to hear you're doing well. Nice timing on the job front; having that stability in your life will hopefully make it easier to focus on your relationship.

JB
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Everything has a beginning and an end. Life is just a cycle of starts and stops. They're ends we don't desire, but they're inevitable and we have to face them. That's what being human is all about.  -Jet Black, Cowboy Bebop
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Re: Through the Looking Glass
#104: October 19, 2024, 05:29:07 AM
You made it to the other side from surviving to thriving! The toll this takes carves away quite a bit but it sounds like you have rebuilt the foundation of you.
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me 51
H 51
M 27
BD 1/15/ 10 then BD 8/21/10
D final 8/13
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Through the Looking Glass
#105: October 23, 2024, 08:41:56 PM
All exciting things HF.  Happy for you!
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Survival Instructions for Newbies

The Apology Every LBS Deserves

My Journey

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."
M
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Through the Looking Glass
#106: October 24, 2024, 05:27:47 PM
YES!!! Sounds like you will go into 2025 in an amazing way
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There is almost something harder about someone being alive and having to lose what you believed to be true of them than someone actually dying.

Indefatigability - determined to do or achieve something; firmness of purpose
perspicacity- a clarity of vision or intellect which provides a deep understanding and insight

Married July 1991
Jan 2018 BD1 moved out I filed for Div/ H stopped it
Oct 2018 moved back
Oct 2020 BD2
Feb 2021 Div-29 1/2 years
July 2021 Married OW
Feb 2022  XH fired
June 2022 XH bring OW to meet family due to xMIL illness
May 2023 went NC after telling XH we could not be friends
Aug 2023 XH moves w/o OWife
May 2024 xMIL visits XH/OW in their new home
Aug 2024 cut relations w/XH fam.
Dec 2024 D33 expecting baby ( XH not told)
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Through the Looking Glass
#107: October 26, 2024, 12:37:41 AM
Happy to hear good things are now coming HF. You deserve it.
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Me 43 at BD
H    45 at BD
Married 11 yrs at BD, no kids,
BD May 2019 (I moved out Nov 2019)
EA or PA with ex gf (not sure), H spent 3 nights with the hoe during our vacation in July 2019, it was a friendly encounter according to H
H wanted D April 2020 seeing suspected OW2 (divorced with two kids) and 2 years older than him, H didn’t file the D
Clinging boomerang
6/21 H moved in with me; kicked him out 01/22
H turned into a vanisher, wants a Divorce, OW 3 (16 years younger and extreme sporty)
14.11.22 Divorce final, I'm done
C
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Through the Looking Glass
#108: October 27, 2024, 10:04:03 PM
Wonderful updates, HF! So glad to hear that things are going well for you.
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