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How to be the best Mom

Step 1:  be Faithwalker
Step 2:  have 3 children
Step 3:  Name them S24, D22 and S19
Step 4:  Make D22 your favorite (obviously)
Step 5:  That's it, that's all the steps!  You've already become the best mom there is, so there is no more you can do.

Aww FaithWalker, this warms my heart!
I wish you a nice time in London, enjoy!! 

[FaithWalker]

Thank you TH.  We had a great time!  I loved London!

The only bummer thing is that S24's dog went missing while we were gone.  She's been gone 3 weeks but we are still holding out hope that she will turn up.  There have been a couple possible "sightings" but the videos aren't great so it may not be her.

[FaithWalker]

It's hard to believe it's almost November.  Time sure does fly.

Unfortunately, we haven't found S24's dog.  We are all super sad about it.  I'm hoping that someone thought she got dumped in the desert and is taking good care of her.

This past weekend, my friend's daughter got married and I helped out at the wedding.  I was kind of a one woman show in the coordinator department.  It was exhausting, but I was so glad to help out where she needed me.

Monday, my dryer tried to catch on fire.  Thankfully it happened with me still home and not at work.  I had a little bit of a break down moment thinking about what could have happened, with mom still asleep most mornings when I leave for work.

Today I spoke to xH for the first time in a very long time.  I had texted him this morning because it's open enrollment for our benefits at work and I had wanted to let him know that I was keeping the kids on my insurance.  He called tonight while M and I were putting away groceries.  The call lasted about 30 minutes.

We always have a pretty easy camaraderie when we talk.  We tend to fall back into that friendship pattern.  I'm always mad at myself afterwards, lol.  It's really rather silly.  I have no reason to be mad at myself.  It's that easy camaraderie that makes it easy on my kids.  They deserve parents who can get along with one another.

But still, I always tell myself "After all he did that hurt you, how can you talk with him easy like that?"  Like I'm betraying myself in some way.  It's so silly, really.

[Dragonfly33]

Faithwalker I totally get the anger you feel for yourself. That ‚s how I feel everytime I have contact with my xh. When my the back of my car broke he helped me . We started texting jokes and we spoke in a friendly manner. Afterwards, I hated myself for being friendly with him. I asked myself how could I allow myself to be friendly with this person after all the pain he’s caused me. So I totally get how you feel.

[Evermore]

I also get how you feel FW. I feel even more squirmy about spending occasional time in the same room as OW (and even having her try to make friendly ‘greeting chat’ with me). There’s definitely a part of me that wants to give her/them a piece of my mind in those circumstances. But I’ve realised that a) it’s not worth it (nothing will change if I do this), and b) it works for everyone as things are now and it especially works for me. I get to do what I want to do (go to family functions and have everyone more comfortable), so if I have to suck it up a little and be friendly and polite, it’s worth it. Besides, I still love xH and do wish him well despite everything and ‘being nice‘ is (generally) who I am. Be kind to yourself. You’re not weak because you’re nice to him. It takes strength to be nice to people who have wronged you.

[xyzcf]

We always have a pretty easy camaraderie when we talk.  We tend to fall back into that friendship pattern.  I'm always mad at myself afterwards, lol.  It's really rather silly.  I have no reason to be mad at myself.  It's that easy camaraderie that makes it easy on my kids.  They deserve parents who can get along with one another.

But still, I always tell myself "After all he did that hurt you, how can you talk with him easy like that?"  Like I'm betraying myself in some way.  It's so silly, really.

We spent many many good years with our spouses. They are the father of our children.

Is there any reason not to be at ease when we speak to them? We can face the "fear" within...they hurt us terribly and so maybe we think they could still hurt us...or they don't deserve to be treated in any compassionate way.

How do we want to live? In our hearts, is it ok to accept what was and what is but still understand that this is a human being, a very messed up broken human being.

When I look at his "crisis" and his continuing "strangeness", I can let go of what he did to me and our daughter, and sadly feel compassion for what he did to himself.

I am one of the few on HS who has regular contact with my spouse and I'll say it again...because I wanted to be strong enough and healed enough that his existence does not shake me. I have taken care of him when he's had surgery's...where are all the "others" and he is welcomed in my home to celebrate holidays with our daughter, we take a vacation with them at least once a year...and it's ok...because he is someone who I loved and that was real.

Who he is now, isn't my husband.

My therapist recommended a book to me which I find fascinating...because we all suffer in life one way or another. It's called Healing through the dark emotions. The wisdom of grief, fear and despair......it's an ongoing journey to look deeply inside and learn to live with both the positive and the negative...because life will always be a mixture of both.

I allow myself to feel "joy" in the times we share....he's not hateful to me, not nasty...and I feel fortunate that he remains a very important part of my life and the life of our "family" no matter how broken that family is....it still exists.