Well, I turned 45 on Friday. I was 37 at the time of Bomb Drop. Time keeps on ticking, into the future. LOL
S18's graduation was good, although long. I had too much on my plate to get too worked up over my "baby" graduating. I think that sharing time spent with him since the D when he was 11 has actually eased me into the "empty nester" thing. Also, he's been done with school and doing other things since December so the ceremony was just kind of a finalization of all of that.
For me, what was harder was having my M's capacity diminished as it became very apparent this last week. Normally I have the bandwidth for doing what I need to help with that, but graduation week I was trying to focus on S and stressing a bit about the shared party and everything. I could've really used my M and who she used to be, so that was very hard.
I only worked on Monday and Tuesday of S's grad week. Wednesday morning I took M to her hair appointment and thought the hair dresser (who is my D's friend's M) did a great job with the perm and hair cut. She added a little gel and M's hair was perfect and ready for the evening's graduation ceremony, but later on, when S went to find the hair dryer, M ended up having it, which means she got her hair wet and used heat on it, which is a big no-no after just getting a perm.
Graduation night MLCer saved seats for us and I walked over to the stadium with M (and D and my niece from their apartment). It was a little disappointing because the speaker wasn't working in our section and then the speaker up front on our side of the field also ended up going out pretty early on so we couldn't really hear anything. MLCer's family just started talking and I had forgotten how negative everyone can be. It was draining me. Couple that with trying to kind of keep tabs on my M, who ended up misplacing my niece's card (my youngest B's daughter was also graduating) and it was a little stressful. Apparently they decided last minute to not go in any order and let the kids sit with their friends, and S ended up being towards the very last of the kids called. It seemed kind of odd to me, but MLCer and his wife did not sit together. Maybe it was out of deference to the company they were keeping, but to me it just came across as odd as they've been married for 3 years now. And I would have been fine it they sat together. MLCer was giving D a hard time about the lack of communication between them. "D you don't write, you don't call, etc." and somehow D landed on sending carrier pigeons which had us all laughing. xSIL and xBIL left before S18 walked up to get his diploma as his back was hurting him and she wanted to go across the street to a Mexican restaurant and have margaritas. I guess their plan was to stay long enough for him to walk (alphabetically he was 4th on the list) and that got all screwed up so they left.
Afterwards, I ran M home as she was worn out and then I met up with MLC'ers Aunt, her grandkids (who I call my niece and nephew as I did daycare for them for so long), and my 3 kiddos at a restaurant at almost 10pm lol. xMIL and FIL and MLCer and wife went home after the graduation and D20 had said they were too tired.
The next day I was off work and trying to do some prep for S's party at MLCers house the next day and after the negativity of the night before I was regretting my agreement to have a double party, lol. My M came down in a mood and was completely self focused about the perm and what went wrong and had the details completely wrong and blamed the hair dresser when I literally sat at her appointment the whole time and watched how the whole thing went down. She got it all messed up and was really focused on that. I know we are just supposed to agree with them, but I failed at that as I felt I needed to defend the hair dresser and state what I had seen and then that she had used heat and gotten her hair wet. She decided that both getting it wet and using heat was okay for a perm. Oy vey. Then, my SIL who I love and adore and rely on quite often and who was supposed to make the cake had gotten called across the State and wasn't going to be there for any of it, which had me bummed. She's also my go to person to vent, shop with, etc. We figured out an alternative for the cake, but then S's cake topper came in damaged so I had to deal with gluing it and hoping it would hold up. There was just a lot. My BFF was working and I didn't have her so I just kind of felt like an island and a bit defeated all the sudden, but I rallied.
Thursday night I did a serving job for a coworker's graduation party. It was a high end double graduation and she paid me very generously, which was nice, but I was exhausted at the end of the night. I did everything in the background so that she could just mingle with her guests. When I got home Thursday night, M actually asked me what still needed done for the party and I mentioned that I needed to go to the store for a few more things in the morning. She offered to go to the store with me and said she would help pay for it since she knew there was a lot of expense with him graduating.
The next morning it was if that conversation never happened. I told her I was just about ready for us to head to the store and her response was "I don't need to go, why would I go?" I texted D and asked if she would want to go shopping with me and she was on board, so that was nice. I had to run over to my B's to pick up the cake platter that my SIL had left for me and I just kind of cried some grief tears in the car on the way over. It definitely does feel like a long goodbye when your parent becomes diminished. We talked about M for a bit and I shared how sad I was feeling about it. I picked up D and we got done what we needed to get done. I told her about her Grandma and told her I hope that I am not in that same boat when her future kids graduate.
The party was good, not too awkward. It was nice to see some people that used to be in my life, but that MLCer gained in the D. And my people who came, who were also friends with this couple got to visit with them after not seeing them either. The party was in MLC'ers back yard and he had set up the serving tables and stuff in his detached garage, so we really didn't go in the house, although the basement sliding doors were open in case anyone needed a restroom. I brought a cornhole board and my brother brought a cornhole board. Everyone seemed to have a good time. I was no longer stressed once I got there and just knew that the night would flow as it would. I went over early and had S22 bring M over when he came. MLCer was pretty busy cooking so he didn't really mingle until after a lot of us were done eating and I had moved inside the garage and was hanging out with the kids. At one point, the wife of one of the couples that I gained in the D asked me to point out his new wife as she had no idea which one she was as they hadn't been together the whole night. She was sitting up close to the house with my xMIL. My friend said "at least she isn't the one he cheated with" and I agreed that I harbored no ill will against her and had no reason to dislike her.
I was hanging out with my kiddos and my nephew and a couple of S18's friends towards the end of the night and then got up to help xMIL start cleaning up. M was sitting near the kids enjoying their banter as well. When it was time for M and I to leave I hugged xMIL and xFIL and even side hugged the new wife and thanked her for her hospitality. And it seemed awkward to hug everyone left and not include MLCer in that, so I side hugged him too. Like RT said in her post I read earlier about her MLCer. He seems like a family member, just not my husband. M said when we got home later that when I went to hug him he grimaced like he was in pain and she had to turn away so as not to laugh out loud. Of course I've already mentioned that M's recollection is spotty, so who knows. But it doesn't matter to me either way. Having a dual party was definitely taking the high road and hopefully it was good for S. And it was MLCers request that I agreed to after asking S what he wanted.
MLCer and his wife offered to throw D a party for her birthday and let her invite whoever she wanted, so we all ended back over there this last Friday night (which was my birthday). This time inside the house. It was a smaller crowd and there was a little trepidation going into it. My B and SIL called me and asked "do we have to?" lol - they weren't too keen on it but because of D they went any way. D was apologetic that it was planned on my birthday but I told her it was okay. There is no place I'd rather be on my birthday then hanging out with my kiddos, and all 3 kiddos were going to be there. It was a smaller gathering, with MLCers wife and step-daughter, xMIL and FIL, MLCers Aunt and cousin and her 2 kids (again, the ones I claim all the time). And then myself and my 3 kiddos, my M, my B and SIL, and my nephews 19 and 22. And MLCers friend from Tennessee and his son who were visiting. Again, MLCer was pretty busy cooking. It all went very smoothly. I think we are all finally at a good place where we can do this when it is necessary for the kids that we do! And I'm happy that I'm able to do this even though I am single. I think that truly shows my healing that's been happening. If there is to be anyone for me in the future, it will be interesting to see how he integrates into the family dynamic. At this point, with having kids together, there are going to be future weddings and most likely grandkids as well. So I have got to make this work.
The rest of my weekend has been great, although I still need to find a time to actually celebrate MY birthday, lol. Saturday was my BFF's D18's graduation so D20 and I hung out over there all day. Played some volleyball, did some song trivia, and then ended the night around the fire pit.
Sunday D20 became D21 officially and D, niece 20 (D's roommate and MLCer's cousins kid - those two girls are pretty much a package deal) and I all went out paddleboarding at the lake. S18 met up with us and then left a little earlier than us to go to baseball with MLCer and his friend who was in town for the big baseball tournament. After we got cleaned up from paddle boarding, the 2 girls and I met up with D's friend who is 21 and her M (the hair dresser) and we took D out for dinner and some drinks. Not too crazy, just a couple places (where niece 20 could also go). We closed the 2nd place down on a Sunday night and I got back home about 12:40am. Today I am exhausted and my body also hurts from the sugar inflammation lol.
Later this week I will probably make myself a pineapple upside down cake and call it my birthday celebration.
Living Through The Ghost
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