[FaithWalker]

Happy New Year Ready!  Your trip sounds amazing!  Happy for you!

[xyzcf]

Happy New Year Ready!

Somehow I missed this. Asia is so fascinating. I am glad you were able to explore. Travel, different places, they are all important in how we frame the world.

I hope you have a good family gathering once you are back. Enjoy!

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Well, just came back from visiting my parents in Texas. Overall, it was a good visit. Ate a lot of good food with the family and lots of laughs and conversation. However, the situation for my folks is not so great. First of all, my dad did not sign up for Medicare part B. He only has part A. Had he signed up for B when he was 65, the plan would not costs as much as it does now and would have provided coverage for some procedures they both need now. I put that on my learning lesson design for Ready (Sign up for part B).

The next thing is for them to qualify for assisted living support, they needed to make X or less to qualify for government support and lo and behold, he makes $200.00 a month too much.

They can't stay in the apartment forever. My oldest brother and SIL spend a lot of time and effort supporting them and it is a lot to ask of them. My brother has to go over and change my Dad's Urostomy pouch twice a week. My SIL goes and helps my mom with a bath and takes both of them to all of their medical appointments. She also helps with medication and pays their bills. My brother takes them shopping once a week. They also take them out to dinner once a week and she often makes meals for them.

It's a lot and they have a 13 year old son that has a lot of activities and needs to be taken to places as well.

So all of us got together to hash things out.  The current plan is this: One, get them registered in Texas with new IDs. They don't qualify for anything in Texas if they are still residents of California. I don't really think my parents are interested in coming back to California and residential care is even more expensive. We also have the number for an attorney to try and see if they qualify for Medicaid in Texas. This may open up options for medical support and services in the home or in assisted living. It's an expense, but navigating the system is very tricky and I would like to have an expert to help us navigate these new waters. I also got my parents to commit to trying the senior center and get out and meet some new people. Otherwise they just sit in the apartment all day watching TV. That is not going to sustain them either.

From there, we are going to see the next steps to assisted living. Mom is strong, but very disengaged from the world. Her fall and subsequent brain bleed last year has had definite long term consequences. My dad is weaker and stresses over his failing eyesight. However, the doctor has told him that he is not legally blind and has almost good vision in one eye. Over time, the vision will get worse. On the bright side, he is very conversational and is more "with it" than mom.  The hardest part is seeing both of them in this situation and trying to get them help is even more difficult.

Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated,

(((Ready)))

[MomOfSteel]

I wish I had helpful advice but I don’t.  It sounds like you are helping your parents navigate this already.  I hate watching my parents age and not being close by.  It’s harder when there are health issues.  I’m glad they have the support of you, your brother and his wife but it’s easy to see how hard that level of help is to sustain.  They are lucky to have such loving children to help them. 

[Treasur]

No practical advice, I’m afraid, as the system here is so different.
But i’m glad you have a sibling and SiL....it was incredibly hard doing this solo for my mother.
What I will pass on is what someone else said to me which helped....there isn’t a good solution, just trying to work out the best as far as you can see it from a bunch of not so good ones, so be kind to yourself. X

[MadLuv]

That is a lot. Wow, on your brother and SIL. No matter how much love is there, it is a huge commitment that is emotionally and physically taxing I am sure. Both my parents married decades younger spouses after my mom’s MLC and so their spouses took care of my parents when they both got ill with cancer and passed. So, I also dont have anything to give in the way of advice, but just that it is incredibly difficult to see your once vibrant and capable parents that you relied on for advice and safety need that back from you. You are all there for them and that is all you can do.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Just an update on the Ready's life after MLC. On the parent situation, after months of telling them to go, they went to the senior center and had a good time. They also got set up with meals on wheels and have lunch and dinner brought to their apartment  weekday. That really cuts down on the support from sister-in-law and less frustration for my father. Now we just need to find someone to change my father's urostomy bag, help my mother with a bath, and a little cleaning of the apartment, and they will be just fine.

My mom is making progress, little steps, but better. One, she sounds really strong, and she is much more positive in her tone. She offers to help my father as in the past she was afraid she wouldn't do it right and mess up. The increase in confidence is very positive. I keep telling my dad not to think for her and to ask her questions. Even if she responds immediately with an I don't know, wait. Don't just give her the answer and move on. Part of her healing is getting her to try and think. If you fill in the blank, it takes away the opportunity for her to figure things out. Then she becomes dependent on you for all the answers.

Dad had a setback. He had obstruction of the intestine and was not using the restroom. He called me in pain. My SIL got him pain medication and he felt better, but I told him to go to the hospital. The next morning he wok up and thought he was having a heart attack. They took him to the hospital and discovered no heart attack but the obstruction. They also found an aneurysm in the aorta. They did surgery on the obstruction and last Thursday they took care of the aneurysm. He is recovering and is still weak. It will be another couple of weeks before he is back to full health.

So, since all this medical stuff was going on, I joined the party and had total knee replacement on my left knee. I went in early yesterday and was out by 2:00 pm. I have been up and walking as well as icing it on the hour. I also have exercises to do three times a day. Fortunately, the pain level is very low. I would say about a three which is about the same or lower than what it was prior to the surgery. Hopefully rehab goes well and I will be ready to deal with the scholars again at the end of the month.

Other than that, everything is gong really well. I am having a great time with my wife and overall, I have a positive outlook on my life. Now it is preparing for retirement and making sure we are ready for that big step. I guess there is always something on the horizon.

If you have made it this far, my final words of advice is that while MLC and all the trauma that follows is nothing I would ever wish on anyone. However, it happens and honestly now, when I post, I am less concerned about the MLCer and more focused on the LBSer and their recovery. Be good to yourself and try your best to detach from their crisis. Detachment is not giving up or indifference. It is opening yourself up to a variety of outcomes and knowing you will be fine with any of them.

Have a great day,

(Almost Ready to Walk)

[xyzcf]

Welcome to the club of "total knee replacements". I must say my pain level was much higher than what you are experiencing and I didn't tolerate the opioids, however, much to my brother's dismay (he came to be with me while I recovered) I had taken him to a marijuana dispensary prior to my surgery to get a remedy that helped.

I think he became a "believer" when after seeing me in pain, and then using this product, within 5 minutes I was comfortable and slept for 8 hours!

Hard when parents need that extra help...and it isn't always easy to find the right solution. I hope that I will be able to make some decisions about that down the road for my own personal care. I have already given my daughter "permission" that I am fine with living in an assisted living place as long as it's close to her and she can come visit.

My mom had alzheimer's and after my father died, there wasn't any other choice. Initially it was very hard for her but actually, she was better nourished and had many activities and made friends and she settled into life there. She had a lovely room, her own furniture and lots of family photos and was close to my brother's home so he took her out on weekends to his place.

If you have made it this far, my final words of advice is that while MLC and all the trauma that follows is nothing I would ever wish on anyone. However, it happens and honestly now, when I post, I am less concerned about the MLCer and more focused on the LBSer and their recovery. Be good to yourself and try your best to detach from their crisis. Detachment is not giving up or indifference. It is opening yourself up to a variety of outcomes and knowing you will be fine with any of them.

Be good to yourself

I just booked a river cruise on the Danube in October. I can feel the physical changes as I am getting older, have seen some friends get diagnosed  with illnesses, have some heart issues myself......and I thank God that I am still physically and financially able to explore life and all it's beauty.

Thanks for the update!

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello and Happy New Year!

So another year is coming to a close. Yesterday, I broke tradition and took down the tree and the decorations. I normally keep them up past New Years, but with the New Year on a Monday and back to work on Tuesday, it just didn't flow right so down they came. As I have written on someone else's post, I have not been in the true Christmas spirit this year. Not the blues, but more mellowed? Normally, I am in a mad drive to get the right gift at the right time and make sure everything is great. This year, I made sure everything was okay.

I've got a few chores around the house and may have to call a plumber on one issue as I am very perplexed. All in all, a great year and I am looking forward to the next year. So lets give a few updates:

On the parent front, they are maintaining. My mom is getting physical therapy now and that is helping her a lot. Prior to that she wasn't really doing anything other than sitting on the couch and watching TV all day. My father still is worried about losing his eyesight and is easily frustrated. I call him from time to time just to get him too laugh and relax a bit.

The rest of the family is doing fine. My oldest daughter just received a promotion and is now an intervention specialist at one of our schools in the District. I am very proud of her. I will see her tomorrow for lunch with her and her husband. My youngest has started a business of selling these adorable crochet items at markets. She keeps herself busy and enjoys her work.

I have made a great recovery from knee surgery and can now sleep at night without both knees throbbing. I can't run any more, but I can walk and still go to the gym to keep in shape. Next goal is to lose a few pounds so that I will be a little quicker.

My wife and I went to Tokyo for two weeks in November and it was a blast. I enjoyed the food and just how beautiful the city is. We visited many sites and made an excursion to see Mt. Fuji. Next time, I would like to see Kyoto. The problem we had was that while the trains didn't bother me, they made my wife ill. She had jet lag and it took several days before she could really handle the train.  All in all though, it was a fantastic trip and I loved the city. I was told that I picked a great time to come as it was cool, but not cold. Winters can be very cold and summers very hot. So, I guess we planned it right.  I am planning our next trip. For the those that are interested, read my next post.

Work is keeping me busy and now I am beginning to really pay attention to my finances as I get closer to retirement. The divorce had a huge impact on my retirement, but I will manage regardless. That is one thing I have learned on my journey through MLC. You may not end up where you wanted to land, but you will land somewhere.

I wish all of you a Happy New Year and I hope all of you take the time to be extra good to yourself and remember that despite what your MLCer may say about you, your presence brings value to all of us.

(((Ready)))

[xyzcf]

Happy New Year as well ready!

Glad to read your update. Sounds like your parents  are stable. Glad your knee surgery went well!

That is one thing I have learned on my journey through MLC. You may not end up where you wanted to land, but you will land somewhere.

Loved this!

Wishing you and your wife and all your loved ones a very Happy New Year!