[Tsun]

Hi TS,

What a lovely story about your meeting with the butterflies. I once heard (or read) that when you come across a butterfly, it's a deceased loved one communicating with you. I thought about this when I read your experience. We could use ancestral support right now. Related to this, I am visiting a psychic medium on Monday. He comes well recommended and in light of the summer of yes, I thought I'd give it a try. I'll keep you posted.

Regarding my h responding and showing up at the school meeting, this is not unusual for the 'new' him. He never contacts us but seems quick to reply when I reach out. I just stopped doing this because the last few texts I sent were met with emails that were 4/5 paragraphs long (and not kind). I honestly do not know why he shows up for the school meetings, he never contributes anything, and didn't even have his camera on. Luckily the meeting went well and my son is set for the next year.

There is definitely some serious cognitive dissonance going on. I am familiar with the concept and learned about it in light of hazing in college fraternities. The idea is that behaviour and thoughts need to be aligned or we feel out of whack. So, if we behave a certain way, it must be because we feel or think a certain way, for instance "I went through this horrible hazing experience, so I must really want to be in this fraternity."

This time I call BS on your h's.... 'moral line.' So, he had feelings for someone else and pursued her, without telling you any of this (two moral lines crossed here), but! because he would have left you (moral line number 3), if things were to get physical, he was not in the wrong? Well, applause for your him . Do these men hear themselves talk? You might find Freud's theory on defensive mechanisms an additional interesting read, it relates nicely to this.

In any case, reality does not align with what they tell themselves (and us). Just to illustrate this point I will again insert my h's comment that he "is a great dad and nobody can tell him otherwise" here  .

In closing and in light of the summer of yes, I finally did trivia this week. My team consisted of myself and all men, otherwise  . I had a lot of fun and they invited me back. So far, saying yes to new things never disappoints.

Do you have any new events planned? 

[thissucks7788]

Omg Tsun, that is great with the trivia night!!  I love that it was you and all guys   Dr. Phil would call that a target rich environment, lol.  Not that you have to be ready for a relationship but at least to keep your skill fresh, lol.  Massive Summer of Yes, success!!! Keep this thing going.

How cool that you're going to a psychic and can't wait to hear all about it!  I actually broke out my tarot cards a few months back just for entertainment purposes, I'm not Madame Thisucks, lol or anything but it was really fun.  I did it b/c my neighbor wanted a reading.  I lit a candle and hammed the whole thing up and we were hysterical.  She wanted a love reading and the actual final card was The Lovers so she was convinced 

Your H keeps his camera off during the school meeting, lol.  Good grief- I wonder what he is hiding.  The most important thing though is that you got your son's schedule all set for the school year and that is the bottom line.  I might get laughed at for this question but why not... do you look fantastic at this meeting when he sees you?  Not that you want him back as he is now but let him see what he is missing.  Just my 2cents (whether you want it or not, lol).  I make sure I am all looking fab when I have to see my H.

Oh yeah, def. calling BS on my H's moral line. Total crap but yes I laugh at their "reasoning".  It is beyond silly and ridiculous.  Glad you called him out too

All is well here-- yesterday my son made dinner for me (huge win!) and we watched a movie together-- sort of a mother/son date night.  I said to my mom that my son is acting like my husband and my husband is acting like my son.  It's crazy.  I feel like that movie Freaky Friday where mother and daughter change bodies.  It's like that.

I have heard that too about the butterflies, and we can totally use ancestral support.  Maybe my Nan as I sure have been talking about her a lot lately.  I asked my one cousin about the mushroom barley soup, and she only had a Nan veg. soup recipe.  Looks like I'll have to keep searching for that magic soup, lol!! 

Hope you have a great day!!
xo

[Jagger]

This is just my experience,  but it's when you don't give a $h!tee about what you look like, or behave like or are perceived like , that your life takes a turn for the positive . Ladies, they are very faulty creatures right now, don't turn yourselves inside out and upside down for them. You will just be feeding the mlc narcissist in them. They can smell it , see it  and feel it and it only feeds there huge ego.  Be real, be yourself , don't worry about upsetting the apple cart and see it, live it and tell it the way it is.

Just my 2 cents from an old Lbs veteran.

[thissucks7788]

Hi Jagger! Thanks for chiming in. You’re not wrong, but I’m definitely not there yet. I’m living like he’s never coming back and moving on with my life, but I read a letter from a MLCer who had an interesting perspective on his wife while he was going through it. He said that no matter what, she always treated him with kindness and respect whenever she saw him. Also, he said she always looked amazing and he definitely noticed. He pointed out that she was never a doormat though and made sure her and her son got what they needed. They did reconcile . So, that did stick with me. However, I definitely get your point about it being much better when you just don’t care anymore. I suspect at a certain time, that might be my feelings as well. I have done a great deal of detaching, but I’m not at the not caring point yet. I suspect it will be a huge relief once that point comes.

[Jagger]

Well, from an Lbs prospective.  That would be me...and you can check out my threads..that just burns me. It infuriates me as well.. she was kind and always looked great? If she was all this because it's who she is..fantastic,  she is being herself. But if she did it for him ( a betraying ,cruel abandoning narcissist) then she just hooked an mlc man in the most perverse  and shallow vapid way. Is that what you would want? Don't answer to me. Ask yourself that question.

Hugs,

Jagger

[thissucks7788]

Okay Jagger, I'll check out your thread! From a quick look at your status, it says that you're rebuilding your marriage.  Have you reconciled with your H? 

[Jagger]

Actually completely reconciled for years now.  In every day life strangely its like it never happened.  But it did..so there is always and will always be a veil of dark history in our family.  Most likely  my kids will eventually tell their partners  and their kids will find out  and so on and so forth. Not pretty at all. Not what I expected in life .

Do not waste your energy and your light on the mlcer. Put that all into your kids and/or family and friends. There is nothing you can do to change their trajectory in life but a lot you can do for you and the people closest and dearest to you.

Hugs
Jagger

[thissucks7788]

Wise words Jagger.  Interesting perspective from someone who's been there, done that and even reconciled.    I've read that there is nothing you can do to change their journey...I do want to look back at my own actions and feel good about how I handled myself.  At this point (5 months out) I'm feeling reasonably good.

[Jagger]

That's all you can do..but more importantly you need to keep your guards up when  it comes to your finances and keep your feet firmly on the ground while the mlcer tries to take you on his roller-coaster.

Hugs,
Jagger

[Tsun]

TS, a target-rich environment, as in a potential date?  I'll admit that I enjoyed their attention and could see how it would be fun to go on an incidental date. Having said that, I'm turning 'the summer of yes' into 'the year of me,' because I really need to be on my own for a while.

Jumping in on the discussion about how to look, behave, etc, this has been my experience thus far: Initially, my self-esteem was crushed so what did I do, I bought a new wardrobe, got my hair and nails done, and worked on perfecting my make-up. As a result, I felt more seen, but the effects of this external validation never lasted long because it didn't fix the hurt I had deep down inside of me. After some time passed, I started reading more self-help books and actively working on re-building my self-esteem from the inside (an ongoing process). With that, I have discovered that I like dressing nice, putting on make-up, and getting my nails done, but when I do, I try to do it for ME. As I said, work in progress..

TS, your son sounds like a great kid, cooking for you, and watching movies with you. The comment that your h and son switched roles is sad and hilarious at the same time, so true!

Your Nan has definitely been brought to the forefront lately, maybe she'll visit with me during my meeting with the psychic and reveal the barley soup recipe  .

So cool that you can read Tarot cards! I still have a set myself, but never learned how to do it! Can you lay the cards for us on the forum?  I need guidance for sure.

Any plans for the weekend?