[forthetrees]

Sorry that you are facing the turning of the wheel of life and the loss of your Dad. It surely has been a rough month for you and yours. Here´s to KA getting healthy pronto.

[xyzcf]

I am sorry STP for the loss of your father. Our parents are a connection that is like none other..and those of us who were fortunate to have good parents are very lucky...prayers for you and your family.

Also, hoping KA will soon feel better.

Take as much time as needed to feel your grief. Also sorry that your sons did not go to IL.

[Curiosity]

STP, sorry for the loss of your father and for KA's illness. Hope she is feeling better soon. It has been a difficult time for you, but it's good that you were able to see your dad before he passed.

[Biscuit]

STP,

How is KA doing? Is she over the worst?

B

[STP]

STP,
How is KA doing? Is she over the worst?

Thank you for the comforting words forthetrees, xyzcf, Curiosity & Biscuit

I feel like my dad passed on in the best way possible, under the circumstances. It has left me weary and lacking enthusiasm for things. My mom asked simply that I write her daily so she feels less lonely. They were married 60 years and she has never really been on her own. Fortunately a bro currently lives with her to help out. I feel like unlike the MLC stress when I was unable to eat, I'm the opposite now and comforting with food.

KA was released on Friday night so we were able to spend most of the memorial weekend together. She continues to have fevers daily, but never above 99.1. She is weak, splotchy at times, fatigues easily and takes naps daily.

Thus, Saturday I went to the movies with S22, S24, S31 and his fiancee, and she stayed home to sleep. S22 told me the fiancee of S24 was fired (for a second time) by XW, after the girl got into a shouting match with XW. The fiancee said XW can never admit to being wrong or take the blame when bad things arise. The girl shattered some dragon item after throwing it in anger and XW blocked her on Facebook. S24 is trying to stay out of it... being in the hard place between, his mom and his fiancee. The girl is scrappy and tough. I guess early Oct. '24 is the secret wedding in Las Vegas (to get the girl on S24s insurance, so she can get her teeth fixed) and OM is supposed to walk her down the aisle (as his daughter wont have anything to do with him, and the girl doesn't get along with her own dad.) Not sure what else is happening over in 'dramaville', but KA said she'd go with me to Vegas, should that all occur.

Due to the India trip and her hospital stay, KA hasn't seen her D11 in 19 days, which is the longest absence ever in her life. They will be reunited tonight and this upcoming weekend is my stay over there. Sunday, I am hosting a hike/restaurant lunch for 20+ single friends and June 8th is my 'wear red' house party. Happy to see my longest neighborhood friend from childhood is coming with his wife. Should be a fun evening!

The following day is the memorial service for my dad in IL. I hope for several grade school friends I still associate with, who knew him, to come pay their respects to my family. My best friend, I've known since 1st grade will be there.

[STP]

Journalling

Summer is in full swing, which means I'm hosting monthly bike rides, hikes and weekly kayaking as well as going to Thursday night cover band concerts in the park. S24 and his gf22 are typically at the concerts as well. They called off their Vegas elopement and instead are just going to continue on as they have been. S24 did a real turn around and has become anti-marriage. I told him there's no common law marriage laws in IN if they were looking to have kids, his gf is on her own insurance.

Father's Day, I played disc golf with two sons and had dinner with the other two. It was nice.

MM texted me she would be in the city I work in on FRI. I have that day off and would be able to see her. She was up for a week from FL to see her old man bf. Whatever, she’s gone to me.

I noticed DC selling a dresser on Facebook and figured that signals she's moving. Sent her one sentence asking where to. She replied same the city and the brand new neighborhood.  I browsed house listings and the home prices are close to half a million. I figure her bf has finally moved to IN, so there's absolutely no reason to keep in contact with her anymore.

KA and I took a weekend shopping trip and stayed in the most haunted hotel in IA. Happily, we had no ghostly encounters and enjoyed the trip. We also did her family week long vacation to The Smoky Mountains in Gatlnburg TN. Her mom, D11, sister and er husband were with. Her mom paid for every meal. It was great fun and scenic. seeing black bears very often, even from the cottage driveway!

This past week was a busy social one for me. I had 13 for my bike ride (where I added 3 friends), two days later 16 for kayaking (adding another friend) and two days later a big group for a Heart tribute concert. RS was there, a woman I went on one date with back in '17, before KA. Last time I saw her was at this same venue, a couple years ago, when she sat on my lap and kissed me. We caught up and it was good to see her. Her on & off bf doesn't like rock music so she came alone. Hmm. I took our pic and will see her again this week at the venue for a Boston tribute. We have conflicting views on religion and thus didn’t date more.

KA and I had a small talk after my week of 'partying' as she put it. No alcohol consumed, but I was still out having fun, when she wasn't avail 3x in the week. She feels like we have nothing special between us, that is exclusive to just us, other than sex. There are things of course. Meals out, activities, dancing. This Saturday is my beach party. 7 hrs on the sand. KA opted to not attend as she is selling her dad's woodworking shop tools. I will go back to KAs after.

Chatting one day with woman friend JKR she said that without a long term plan, KA and I are just friends with benefits. No, we are more than that, even if nothing's progressed in 6 years. We’ve talked of moving in together after retirement or even marriage. It did get me thinking perhaps on my end my desire to remain unwed is because KA is just like a FWB? Maybe love is different at this age? No need to analyze it. We work fine and will keep it going.

[Ready2Transform]

Chatting one day with woman friend JKR she said that without a long term plan, KA and I are just friends with benefits. No, we are more than that, even if nothing's progressed in 6 years. We’ve talked of moving in together after retirement or even marriage. It did get me thinking perhaps on my end my desire to remain unwed is because KA is just like a FWB? Maybe love is different at this age? No need to analyze it. We work fine and will keep it going.

What an interesting thing for her to say. I have to disagree with that statement as well. FWB's (to me) don't involve a level of commitment like you and KA have. Kind of the opposite! I think it's that sort of thinking where there always has to be some milestone you're moving toward in order to keep a relationship interesting that sinks a lot of midlife marriages (and maybe causes MLCs). Things get "normal" after a lot of years! You have other interests, you're comfortable, you're just 'being' and living life together, and for some people, that's not enough to keep the dopamine going. You already have houses, you're likely not going to have more kids together, so the "big" things are sort of in the background. Why rush into anything else? If you two are satisfied, and the timeline for making other decisions (if you make them) works for both of you, then who cares what other people think, right?

[Treasur]

I agree with Ready on this.
Odd thing for JKR to opine on unless she is a particularly close friend or it was a conversation initiated by you imho. But I have long thought whilst reading your posts that there seem to be some sloppy boundaries in some of your female friendships….

What would be more of an issue for me, if the relationship with KA matters to you would be this….
“ KA and I had a small talk after my week of 'partying' as she put it. No alcohol consumed, but I was still out having fun, when she wasn't avail 3x in the week. She feels like we have nothing special between us, that is exclusive to just us, other than sex. There are things of course. Meals out, activities, dancing”

Imho KA is trying to tell you something and for some reason you are not really hearing her. Indeed, you are almost pooh poohing it by saying ‘there are things’. What do you think KA was trying to say? And does the relationship matter enough to you to try to listen? Or indeed do anything differently?

[STP]

Thanks for the comments R2T and Treasur,

JKR has kinda become the one to be near on a hike, at a concert, party or kayaking when there’s a desire to hear something funny or inapproriate. Widowed, she has recently started dating another friend of mine who is also widowed when his new wife died to covid. The bf of JKR, is tan blonde TPB who I now prefer to be around more, of the two. I’ve known both women almost two years.

KA surely doesn’t care what other people think, especially women who she says she can’t trust. She wants more date time. She wants to do things out in the world, alone with me. She keeps track of how often/seldom we go on dates in a notebook.

August Journalling
KA and I saw Metallica at Soldier Field in Chicago which was an awesome time. The following night was to be with her and D12, but S31 called me saying his gfs family had a free extra ticket to a casino concert of The Stray Cats. KA said it was ok to go. I was able to meet S31s gfs parents, seeing as they met XW and OM long ago.

During the week I went to a Pink Floyd tribute with misc friends. S24 was there with his gf as well. I was giving the band a second chance after 5 yrs, as I’m not really a fan. I didn’t have a great time and left during the last song. TPB texted me “You left fast” and I explained it was a fun time and we texted awhile. JKR has said to me several times “In a different time & place TPB and I would be a great couple. We are similar with much in common.” Hmmm?

The following weekend was my nephews wedding which was great fun to celebrate with KA, my kids, mom and brothers families and cousins. I can’t think of any time when we were all together drinking & dancing etc. Even my mom was pulled out onto the dance floor by S22. This past weekend was KAs D12s birthday party. I was helpful when asked and had a good enough time. Six girls slept overnight.

Yesterday morning I hosted a large kayaking group of 14 on a large lake. I chatted with everyone including TPB who brought her S29, since her gal pal JKR wasn’t avail. I mentioned to her how KA pointed out I have trouble resting outside… having to always be involved in an activity. I wondered if TPB was the same way and she said yes.

Last night was S25s birthday party. I was hopeful that I would not see XW & OM. I arrived and got to take pics with my former nephew and niece, both of whom I haven’t seen (naturally) since Nov. ’15. The niece now 29 gave me the tighest hug of the year. Lol. S31 and S22 were there too. S25 was playing loud guitar in his garage to an Iron Maiden song, when XW & OM arrived. He didn’t stop playing. Sitting on the couch between S31 and his gf, I never met their eyes. They left within 5 mins. I sent TPB a pic of the fire pit in S25s backyard and she said “Are you relaxing outside?” Lol

This week KA flies to OH for work, so I won’t see her until our Friday date night. Tue is more kayaking with friends and Wed night I was invited by a new guy friend to play bocce over the border in MI. I am trying to get buddy JS to go as he lives right there. Saturday KA & I are leading 5-7 friends to the renaissance faire in WI. Staying overnight, we will go a second day with S25 and his gf.

[STP]

Journalling

The Renaissance Faire was great fun with KA both days. The first day with six others who followed us around to the best shows and the second day we briefly saw my brother and his wife and S25 with his girlfriend. Not even 10 mins were we with them as KA and I did alternate things.

The following weekend I was invited by a new set of friends… a married couple, to attend (at their expense), a Cars tribute concert. KA had her D12 and said I could take someone else, as long as it wasn’t a woman. I picked a guy friend, who brought his gf too. It was a good time -I never danced, opting to film songs for my concert videos YouTube channel. I went home late after, instead of back to KAs. Sunday, I hosted a hike out of state with a dozen friends. KA came over on Monday and wanted to do a hike with me. Ideally wanting places I’ve never done. I found a place but it wasn’t even two miles.

XW texted me at work wanting to talk about one of the kids. I called and she went on for 35 mins about S25 and mostly his gf. She does recreational drugs and is kinda low class & trashy. The girl used to be the manager of her jewelry store before things blew up and now they don’t get along. S25 has a vacation to Las Vegas next week with his live in gf, and XW is afraid the gf will get S25 drunk and elope. I said I would talk with S25 and see what he wants. I was supposed to take engagement pics of them yesterday but S25 wants to wait until fall leaves change color.

KA and I had a fun date night out dancing to a band that plays 80s music. We ran into one of my kayaking friends there, but I kept convo to a minimum to focus on my date. The next night we went to visit my mom prior to a patio party in IL. Three friends I’ve known 45+ years were there and it was good to catch up. The spouses get along well with KA. Sunday she stayed late and we did another hike. She wanted something longer but it was too out in the open for her, preferring something more rugged and less like a bike trail.

ET is a woman 2 yrs younger I may have spoken of once before. She is one of the hike leaders in the hiking group I sometimes attend. She’s in the process of fixing up and furnishing a home to become an Air B&B and asked me for some photos of the nearby lighthouse to hang.
Last month she invited me by to see all the work in progress and even took me upstairs to the other unit, where she’s living to show all her remodeling work. KA said I should charge her $ for the 4 photos, but I didn’t feel right doing so. Anyway the photos came in and ET wanted me to sign them in the corners so last night she invited me over. Besides signing, we framed them and hung up a few other pictures She gave me two beers and had two herself. She’s very thin and tall and I wondered if she was like most women and feeling tipsy after two drinks? Never indicated she was.
ET was feeling hungry and asked if I’d walk three blocks with her to get pizza. This opened up a convo about doing things we’re not supposed to do… but given no-one would ever know, it was ok. KA would not approve me going to dinner with a woman. ET was supportive that its more harmful for others to know if it’s just a one time kinda thing. Dinner convo was fine with another beer and drifted back to one off infidelities and not having regrets for doing things… and not doing things.
On the walk back to her place I wondered if there was a line going to be crossed. I could have grabbed her hand, kissed her or more, but of course I didn’t and we just had a hug bye. There was no outward indication she was interested, but the opportunity was certainly there. I’ll see her and 30 others at my wine party next weekend.

Tonight KA will be over for a sunset dinner on the beach pavilion rooftop. Something we’ve wanted to do for a couple years. Tomorrow is kayaking night with my group. Thursday I am having hernia surgery again. I’ll go over to KAs and she will be with me through the process and provide TLC at her home this weekend.