[beyondblessed]

Thank you, ML, FW, Flummoxed and HL!   Some days it is still difficult to believe I was living a completely different life 9 years ago, with a completely different man.  My goodness, how much I've changed and in turn, my life has changed since that fateful, Jan 2016 BD. 

Even though time has done it's thing, it does still pain me to think about everything my xh so carelessly discarded for nothing of any value in return.  His fantasy R with OW has long since crashed and burned, as most do, and I haven't had any contact with him in years.  If it wasn't for family giving an occasional passing update, I honestly wouldn't know if he was dead or alive.  And, that is a strange feeling to have about someone with whom I'd spent nearly 2 decades. 

Even so, life is very good now. For those of you just now learning to navigate this crisis, I can only encourage you through my story, that life does go on and you will not always feel the way you do at this moment.  The best piece of advice I can give is to stop giving the MLC your attention and focus on you.  Grow, learn, and above all, reconnect with yourself.  You're more than capable and more than enough.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

It is so good to read your thread and it only helps me appreciate and enjoy the life I have now as well. It is so nice to be with someone that respects you as a person. Everyday, I look forward to leaving work to see her and make the most of every weekend we are together.

I agree with you that in the beginning, I never thought I would be where I am now. I've gotten into shape, enjoy my job, and just love being with my family. It was a difficult journey, but I feel that I have made it through the rapids and now rowing in more peaceful waters.

Yes, the focus needs to be on you and when you reconnect with yourself, you can begin to heal.

Thank you for being part of the forum and I enjoy reading about you and Popeye!

(((Ready))))

[beyondblessed]

Thank you for continuing to follow and for continuing to post your own musings and updates.  I feel so far removed from much of the MLC since being 9 years out and being in a new M and honestly brand new life by most accounts.

I will never be the LBS that offers the hope that the MLC spouse will ever come back, but I feel like I can be the example of what happens when you decide to live your own life like they are never coming back.

[Dragonfly33]

Nice to hear from both of you who are happy now after the whole MLC devastation. From what I have read here most MLCers are totally lost and they never came back. I was one of the LBSers who thought my story would be different when I first joined this group. The sooner the lbs accepts that they are gone the better it is for the LBS to heal. I think I did not contact my xh for a long time after he left and filed for divorce. Only then I could see the whole picture. Though recently we started communicating again but on friendly basis. I never thought the crying would ever stop. I remember myself crying in the bathtub or the bathroom floor. I cannot imagine the intensity of that pain anymore. It’s not totally gone but it’s almost not there anymore I guess. I’m still a work in progress but I’ve also changed a lot, and I guess for the better. As for my xh, I guess the last OW is also now gone. Couldn’t keep up probably as she was too young for him. Who knows? He told me recently he’s happy with his triathlon although he had to go a hip replacement due to the sport. Maybe some of them do really find happiness after they destroyed their marriage. Up to this day I still ask myself if it was really MLC or it’s just my xh’s character. I was the longest relationship he ever had and the rest (before or after the marriage) were just flavor of the month. I wish one day like you and Ready, I would also meet my partner for life. I  don’t think I would like to live alone for the rest of my life. It’s nice to have someone that really cares for you. I hope you continue to post here BB.

[beyondblessed]

Thank you, DF!  If anything good comes of this awful way of ending an M, its that the LBS  hopefully has learned some valuable, life changing lessons.  Even though we know this crisis was not caused by us, many of us acknowledge that we were not perfect spouses, and we own that and do the work to grow ourselves in any areas we are lacking.  This is a tremendous advantage when looking toward a new future with someone else.

I know, in my case at least, when it came time to meet my future H, I wasn't looking for Mr. Right to just show up at my doorstep.  I knew that in order to attract my Mr. Right, I had to also become his Ms. Right, and that meant having my $h!te together, too.  By the time I met Popeye, I had dated a lot...to the point I had decided that being single and staying single looked better every day.  I owned my own home, had a steady job that helped me finance the lifestyle I wanted, and did the work to keep myself as physically, mentally and emotionally healthy as I could.  It was then, that I came to the realization that I was perfectly happy as a single.  I wasn't needy or in a place of lacking, thinking a new R was the only thing that could make me feel happy or complete.  I wanted Mr. Right not Mr. Right Now. 

Long story, short:  I think we meet any new potential partner at exactly the place we are in our own journey.   And, I think that was true of my xh and I, too.  If you think you are missing something or feel in a place of neediness or lack, you will overlook a lot of potential red flags and have poor boundaries, and you will  pay dearly for them later.  Just something to think about.

[beyondblessed]

Hey, friends!!  It's been a minute from me, and I don't have anything super exciting to share, except it's been a challenging summer for me, physically and mentally.  In mid-June, I began to have more frequent left knee pain...ongoing from various injuries the past 30 or so years, so I decided to bite the bullet and see my doc.  I'd heard from family and several friends about the "miracle" effects of cortisone shots, which apparently are the first remedy Drs try in an attempt to ease the pain and inflammation.  Not sure what happened or why, but my first shot was anything but magical, in fact it was pretty disastrous.

Almost immediately after the injection, my knee swelled to enormous proportion and left me unable to walk or bear much weight.  Long story short, it was the weekend of Father's day, so I was left braced up and limping my way through until I immediately went to the ortho urgent care near the hospital, where I work.  An X-Ray was taken, then after review of that, an MRI was done.  It was discovered that I have severe (last stage) patello-femoral osteoarthritis, which eventually will lead me to needing a total knee replacement. 

As most here know, I am an avid gym-goer and lead a very physically active lifestyle... job included, so this has been a bit of a bummer for me trying to navigate this new disability.  For the moment, I done a series of 5 gel shots, that have at least lessened the pain and have let me resume my activity and workload, on a much more scaled back level than I'd like, but I'm trying to make the best of it.  I'm just thankful to be able to walk again, instead of limping along, like I did the entire month of July  . Now that was not pleasant.

Being that I've been in recovery mode most the summer, it's been quiet as far as trips for me and Popeye.  We were fortunate to be able to take a the long weekend trip, mid-August, to St. Louis to see Shinedown in concert, so that was awesome.  I had planned and booked this trip way back in February, so once this knee thing hit, I was pretty concerned about maybe having to cancel, but fortunately by then, the second to last gel shot had tamed the pain enough to go.  And, if any of you are Shinedown fans and haven't yet seen them...go do it!  They put on an amazing show!

Popeye and I have been having some serious talks of me going back to entertaining my passion for baking and looking into starting my business once again.  For the time being, we are cautiously taking a wait and see approach with my knee situation and getting a feel for how long it may hold out until some real intervention is necessary.  I'm definitely ready to walk away,  no pun intended, from my job at the hospital.  It saddens me just how much the healthcare care system has changed...and not for the better, since Covid, so I won't be sorry when my time is done.

All in all, life continues to surprise me...some good, some not, but this journey has showed me that it doesn't much matter the cards I'm dealt...it only matters how I choose to play them.  And, one thing is for sure, I will always play until I win.

[sachertorte]

I am sorry about the knee, and happy to see you back here. My very best wishes for your very best life. Have fun with working out, baking, job and Popeye.

[FaithWalker]

Oooh, thanks for the Shinedown recommendation.  I will have to see when they are touring close to me as I do love a bunch of their songs and their general vibe.

I've been so sad to see about your knee issues.  Yes, definitely been a huge bummer but you are one strong survivor that's for sure.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

Sorry to hear about your knee. I have had issues with my knees for years. I had my right knee replaced in June, 2023. The advantage was I was able to drive a couple of weeks. The first couple of weeks were tough because I was alternating between icing my knee and completing my physical therapy. Keeping the knee moving and stretching is vital to prevent scar tissue from forming that will limit the rotation of the knee. Once I was done with the pain of the surgery and back into the swing of things, about 12 weeks later, I slept better at night as neither of my knees throbbed. It took me many months of recovery to begin to build the muscle strength. It impacts glutes and thighs.

Now, I ride the stationary bike and my times and distances are back to normal. I can do the leg press and the machine assisted squat. However, I haven't done squats on the rack in a long time, but I think I can add them to my routine. I am still about five pounds above being at a great weight, but I am not rushing it. I may need to replace the left as well. However, I hope I can make it to the next summer before I have it done.

Overall, the surgery was beneficial and I feel better and I am stronger than ever before (60 years old). Unfortunately, my running days are over. It is just a piece of plastic in my knee. My doctor said, " I gave you enough to run out of the building if it is on fire. That's it."

However, I can hike and do non-impact exercises with ease. I think you will find the same benefits if you keep up with the therapy after the surgery.

Also, be prepared to set off any metal detector.

I hope my advice helps and continue to have your amazing life. It really motivates and inspires me to make the most of every day.

(((Ready)))

[titleholder]

I'm so sorry to hear about your knee BB, with knowing how active your are I can only imagine what a setback that must be.. How are you doing right now?
And the plans about going in to business for yourself and baking seem exciting!!

I wish you all the best!