[Dragonfly33]

You go girl! You are the success story of the LBS turning her life around.

Thank you, for this, FTT!  At the time of xh's blow up, I thought I'd lost the most important person in my life, and that my life was over.  It took me a hot minute to realize that between the lies, cheating and betrayal, that the most important person I lost wasn't him...he was just the idiot blowing it all up.  The person I'd lost was ME! 

With that realization, my whole perspective changed and I started making the changes that were going to benefit me the most.  XH was not the least concerned for me, which was plainly evident by his actions, so there was only one way out for me, and I was determined to succeed and thrive.  It hurt a lot back then, but the best decision I made was to separate myself from the crazy and never look back.  The. LBS has to do this for themselves because no one is coming to save them, either.

You nailed this BB! This is so true. I can relate to this. I remember at the height of the BS that my xh put me through, I was looking here for stories where the LBS got back with the MLC spouse. Those were the only stories I considered success stories. But now, I love reading the stories of LBS who made it through and are thriving even without their MLC spouse. These stories inspire me and keep motivating me to continue moving forward. Thank you for always giving us an update.

[beyondblessed]

You nailed this BB! This is so true. I can relate to this. I remember at the height of the BS that my xh put me through, I was looking here for stories where the LBS got back with the MLC spouse. Those were the only stories I considered success stories. But now, I love reading the stories of LBS who made it through and are thriving even without their MLC spouse. These stories inspire me and keep motivating me to continue moving forward. Thank you for always giving us an update.

DF, I also came here to "save" my marriage.  It sounds completely ludicrous and utterly naive now, but at that time I didn't know better.  I was arrogant enough back then to think I had any say in the matter, not fully realizing that I didn't matter at all, that none of what was happening had anything to do with me, except for the fact that I was married to the perpetrator.  He was acting full on crazy at the time, but still everything he did seemed so calculated.

Once I began reading the stories from Nah, Airmid, and Law Professor, all LBS from back then who had moved on successfully without reconciliation with the MLC'ER, that's when I decided I was not going to waste another minute of MY life waiting for anyone to decide whether I had value to them or not.  I valued myself and knew time wasn't standing still for me, nor did I know how much time I still had....none of us does.  We could all die tomorrow, and what would we have to show for it?  At that time, I really had two choices: stand for a man who betrayed me, cheated on me, lied to me repeatedly, and stole from me, in the hopes that maybe, just maybe far, far off into the unknown future he might suddenly wake up and decide it was all an unfortunate mistake or I could make the absolute best of my life on my own.  It didn't take much thinking on my part to choose option 2 given the long list of reasons option 1 was FUBAR.

[titleholder]

You nailed this BB! This is so true. I can relate to this. I remember at the height of the BS that my xh put me through, I was looking here for stories where the LBS got back with the MLC spouse. Those were the only stories I considered success stories. But now, I love reading the stories of LBS who made it through and are thriving even without their MLC spouse. These stories inspire me and keep motivating me to continue moving forward. Thank you for always giving us an update.

Totally agree with this! I think for almost all of us this is de journey of the LBS. You come here to save your marriage at all cost. I also read so many stories of reconciliation as my golden standard for my journey. You pick the stories that match your path and luckily on HS there are a lot of paths to choose from.

I also gain strength now from the stories from the LBS that move forward without their spouses and I also try to be an example with my own story. I'm thankfull that you keep posting BB  and also you Dragonfly!

[beyondblessed]

You nailed this BB! This is so true. I can relate to this. I remember at the height of the BS that my xh put me through, I was looking here for stories where the LBS got back with the MLC spouse. Those were the only stories I considered success stories. But now, I love reading the stories of LBS who made it through and are thriving even without their MLC spouse. These stories inspire me and keep motivating me to continue moving forward. Thank you for always giving us an update.

Totally agree with this! I think for almost all of us this is de journey of the LBS. You come here to save your marriage at all cost. I also read so many stories of reconciliation as my golden standard for my journey. You pick the stories that match your path and luckily on HS there are a lot of paths to choose from.

I also gain strength now from the stories from the LBS that move forward without their spouses and I also try to be an example with my own story. I'm thankfull that you keep posting BB  and also you Dragonfly!

Thanks so much, TH!  I was just 2 weeks shy of turning 43, when my xh unleashed the crazy.  I was literally in the prime of my life, and quite honestly things only got better from there because I stopped worrying about whether everyone else was happy and started focusing on me and making me happy for once.  Never in a million years would I have imagined divorce and my life turning out like it has, but life doesn't come with guarantees, so we need to make the most of the time we have, lest we run out.

[stillbaffled]

Once I began reading the stories from Nah, Airmid, and Law Professor, all LBS from back then who had moved on successfully without reconciliation with the MLC'ER, that's when I decided I was not going to waste another minute of MY life waiting for anyone to decide whether I had value to them or not.  I valued myself and knew time wasn't standing still for me, nor did I know how much time I still had....none of us does.  We could all die tomorrow, and what would we have to show for it?  At that time, I really had two choices: stand for a man who betrayed me, cheated on me, lied to me repeatedly, and stole from me, in the hopes that maybe, just maybe far, far off into the unknown future he might suddenly wake up and decide it was all an unfortunate mistake or I could make the absolute best of my life on my own.  It didn't take much thinking on my part to choose option 2 given the long list of reasons option 1 was FUBAR.

BB - I also remember reading the stories of those mentioned above, as well as many others on this forum.   Pretty sure I still have the book that NAH wrote! 
I do keep up with you on social media and I especially enjoy seeing the posts where you're baking something fabulous! 

I've worked hard to make the best of life on my own and I try to be thankful and appreciative of every day I'm given. 

It's always good to drop back in here and read uplifting updates from people I stood in the trenches with.   

Blessings to you, BB! 

P.S. I'm still storing resort pontoons and boats in the big shed that remained with me!   

[MadLuv]

I saw a video the other day with a life coach telling those who have been discarded to go no contact and let their partner have exactly what they want. He said, they left because they thought their life would be better without you. Why  do you want them?  EXACTLY!!!

[Dragonfly33]

I think going no contact is hard in the beginning because at least on my part I couldn’t accept what happened. I couldn’t believe my xh was someone who didn’t care about me anymore. Besides, he was a clinging boomerang in the beginning. It was for me very hard. The moment I stop texting him and he stopped contacting me, only then I was able to start focusing on myself. For me it helped a lot to see the bigger picture and to understand I had no control on what he was doing. It was the best road for me to healing. Now, once in a while we text but this time I am detached already. I’m not affected as much anymore. I learned to shrug the things that don’t do me any good. I think he and OW4  aren’t together anymore. He must be onto another one. But I don’t care anymore. Once in a while, I miss the us. It’s like what the others said in a different thread, a phantom limb. I also have those moments but they’re passing. Perhaps this is part of the healing process.

[MadLuv]

DF- ohhhhh, me toooo!!! Mine also was clinging and I still can’t believe he is who he is now, but I think that is part of the issue. They left and I refused to see that no matter the reason whether full choice, mental breakdown, mlc, or the death of our child…. He left. I wish I could have accepted that no matter what he thought his life would be better and until he showed  something different that was the fact. But l, we have to go through our journey and learn. It’s all a painful hard journey no matter where you land.

[Dragonfly33]

Totally agree with you ML. The hardest part was acceptance that our spouses could do such a thing to us. But through this painful experience we get to know ourselves better and we learned a lot of things in life. I learned to become independent and to trust myself again.

[beyondblessed]

SB, it is always great to hear from you.  We both learned a lot from the veteran LBS from back then.  They were all very helpful and had a wealth of knowledge and sage advice.  As for you still in possession of shed and the large toys, I guess I shouldn't be surprised, but that baffles me, as well lol  With some (I'd reckon most) the crazy never really stops.

ML and DF, always nice to hear from both of you, as well.  No contact save me and my sanity, no question.  It was very difficult in the beginning because xh used to be my person that I trusted without hesitation.  It was impossible to trust him at that point though.  He did things he berated other men for doing, and he did just the same.  That infuriated me probably the most, that he had no problems calling other men out on their huge shortcomings, while doing the very same things.  Hypocrisy at its finest.  I guess that was projection on his part, but at the time I had no idea what that even was lol  I have learned a lot over the years.

On a new note, a tornado tore through my town on Tuesday night.  It just skirted our home, and the brunt was felt less than 800 yds from us.  Popeye was at the gym, and I was trying to catch some of the Olympics, when the power flickered, but stayed on.  Then less than a minute later, all hell broke loose.  The sky was an eerie greenish gray and the wind picked up all our patio furniture and slammed it against the house.  I ran to the wind half stunned at what I was witnessing.  Every huge tree in one neighbors yard was down or partially down, power was out and stayed out for 24 hours for us, but some still are without power.  Crews have been working in our heat and humidity night and day, and the weather hasn't helped.  It's rained everyday this week, mainly in the afternoons.  I don't remember a recent summer with so much heat and terrible humidity.  That's the catalyst to firing these storms.

We live all of 5 minutes from our gym, and it took Popeye almost 2 hours to get home.  He hugged me so tight and kept saying he should have been with me, protecting me.  I assured him I was fine...heck, I didn't even know what was happening until most of it had passed over.  Even today,  he keeps repeating how he should've been here.  I also blessed to be with a man now who knows my worth and values me.  We are both blessed to be on this journey together, weathering life's storms.