[Treasur]

“I took an action someone else took and made it entirely about me. She didn't think of me at all. But this change does emphasize how thoroughly unraveled "we" are. “

I think most of us reach a point of seeing the No We. And it’s a bit of a punch in the guts, isn’t it? Perhaps for a little while post BD, for both LBS and MLCer, there is some residual We that lingers. In our expectations and grief. In their blame and anger. But I think what you said here becomes increasingly true with the action of time and events.

Again jmo but this is about the essence of attachment. It takes a while for most inherently healthy people to sever important attachments. That’s normal. And as others have said elsewhere, it often leaves a gap, a kind of phantom missing limb feeling. That sucks, but it is normal too imho.
And for that reason, I wouldn’t congratulate her. Bc it’s not your business anymore or your role to do so. If you have contact and she mentions it, some version of cool, bummer or wow will suffice. Just as you would say to a random stranger on a train. And tbh I’d step back from whatever route brought the info to you. Her successes or failures are now like a stranger on a train ….as are yours vice versa tbh. For most LBS, that’s a sad thing. But it’s a real thing that comes with the demolition of a long We.