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Author Topic: My Story TRUST IN WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT COME

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My Story TRUST IN WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT COME
#100: April 05, 2023, 11:19:02 PM
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Currently stationary for a few days again because apparently I have a twisted lumbar vertebrae and my muscles are completely seized up around it. I have never cried in physical pain, but I did yesterday. So, daily chiropractor visits for the rest of the week and hoping it will get moved back around.

Hope this heals quickly, along with your other healing that we know can take some time. Back pain is so hard to have since it affects everything you do. Hope you're able to at least sleep okay?
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TRUST IN WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT COME
#101: April 17, 2023, 10:02:26 AM
Well, here we are...just came to journal a bit and follow some other topics.....
After daily chiropractor visits for almost 2 weeks my vertebrae seems to be back in place for now.....thank God.....but I am also grateful that I do not think of MLC when I am in physical pain...I wonder if my mind knows that I cannot handle physical and emotional pain at the same time...lol.....
Easter with D and the grandcats was wonderful and holidays are back to being joyful since I get to see my D rather than just sad.
Have not heard from him despite him saying  "I'll be in touch" and I am okay with it as it keeps me even keel.
It's almost 6 years since BD and it seems crazy that it has been this long as it still just seems like yesterday that I was his wife and lover.
The only time I even still talk about him is on here and at the therapists - everyone else just considers it a chapter closed and done with and some times I am a little ashamed that I have not been able to close it and walk away, but like Evermore I just cannot stop loving him and it is what it is.
With each year that passes I do lose a little hope of him ever working through it though, but I just have to keep on moving along.

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Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away
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TRUST IN WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT COME
#102: April 17, 2023, 03:48:43 PM
Hey S66. I'm so glad you back is feeling better. And your Easter sounded lovely.    :)

I get ya on the:
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It's almost 6 years since BD and it seems crazy that it has been this long as it still just seems like yesterday that I was his wife and lover.
(except for me it's 'nearly 5 years'   :-\)

I also (as you know) really get you on the:
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... everyone else just considers it a chapter closed and done with and sometimes I am a little ashamed that I have not been able to close it and walk away

Just sending you a reminder that you're not alone and you're not crazy. We will both 'get there' (wherever 'there' is!  ;D).
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M: 54 (48 @ BD), H: 56 (51 @ BD); Married 20yrs, together 23yrs
D: 25 (19 @ BD), D: 23 (17 @ BD), 'Extra D': 23 (17 @ BD)
BD (that I didn't recognise as such) Easter 2018
BD 9th Sep 2018
OW - he (supposedly) met her in the pub a week before BD, told me about her a week after BD. Thinks 'their planets have collided' because 'their eyes met across the room' and they had an 'instant connection'. Lives with her. Is building a life with her.
Jun 20: H plans to buy a block of land and build a house with her (never happens).
May 22: Movement... (likely T&G? Time will tell I guess)
May 23: Yep, definitely a T&G last year. Still have contact but very minimal. He is a long way away from me these days. He doesn't seem particularly happy in his new life... but he's still there soooo....
Jun 23: I meet a lovely new man (M).
Jun 24: xH and OW finally buy a block of land
Jul 24: xH proposes to OW... in front of the whole family, just wow...
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TRUST IN WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT COME
#103: April 17, 2023, 06:10:42 PM
You need not be ashamed..I am over 13 years since BD...I miss him still, I wish we still had a life together. I did not get any choice in this. He owns it all.

There is no timetable where you must be "over" this.....I have a good life, I live well, I have peace but I still miss him every single day and dream often about him at night.  This is part of the trauma...we do not forget..actually the brain is incredible in that it remembers almost everything that has ever happened to us.

I am glad you are feeling better.
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html
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TRUST IN WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT COME
#104: April 17, 2023, 08:12:11 PM
I hear you. I’m only about 2 1/2 years from BD, but I already sense this is permanent and I’ll always miss him. I thank you for sharing and acknowledging that it’s okay to feel that way. I feel like so many people around me just wish I’d, “get over it”x
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Bd- Nov 2020
Married since 2003
Ow-yes, affair but they blew up after a year or so
One serious attempt at reconciliation during summer of 2022 but he blames me for the failure
He’s now been with several other women and has a girlfriend now because “he’s not doing well and she’s good for him”
2024-the new girlfriend dumped him so he’s been reaching out to me, but he’s monstering me because I’m moving on and dating again.
Not divorced. I won’t file- he doesn’t have a job, so it’s complicated
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TRUST IN WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT COME
#105: May 30, 2023, 10:34:48 PM
Hey S66. Just checking in on you. :)
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M: 54 (48 @ BD), H: 56 (51 @ BD); Married 20yrs, together 23yrs
D: 25 (19 @ BD), D: 23 (17 @ BD), 'Extra D': 23 (17 @ BD)
BD (that I didn't recognise as such) Easter 2018
BD 9th Sep 2018
OW - he (supposedly) met her in the pub a week before BD, told me about her a week after BD. Thinks 'their planets have collided' because 'their eyes met across the room' and they had an 'instant connection'. Lives with her. Is building a life with her.
Jun 20: H plans to buy a block of land and build a house with her (never happens).
May 22: Movement... (likely T&G? Time will tell I guess)
May 23: Yep, definitely a T&G last year. Still have contact but very minimal. He is a long way away from me these days. He doesn't seem particularly happy in his new life... but he's still there soooo....
Jun 23: I meet a lovely new man (M).
Jun 24: xH and OW finally buy a block of land
Jul 24: xH proposes to OW... in front of the whole family, just wow...
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TRUST IN WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT COME
#106: June 22, 2023, 07:35:23 AM
Thank you Evermore for checking on me.....
Have not heard a peep from MLC which is unusual since his normal contact was always somewhere around 6-8 weeks and it has been 3 months now, but at least I am living without any drama.  Diving into childhood trauma in therapy and I had always said that MLC felt like 'home' to me.....well, guess what.....he felt like home because he was both my parents wrapped into one......emotionally unavailable like my father and an alcoholic like my mother......that was such an 'aha' moment for me - not sure what to do with that information yet but it explains my attachment to him that seemed so insurmountable.
I am doing well - enjoyed a week with my D - going to a Taylor Swift concert that I promised her 10 years ago...lol......but it was an absolutely amazing performance. Other than that - just working and enjoying a peaceful existence and wishing I could be just 'done' with MLC.
Oddly enough I no longer know how I feel about him, about MLC, about standing, but I do not have to do anything so we shall see.

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Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away
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TRUST IN WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT COME
#107: June 22, 2023, 08:42:56 AM
‘Doing well….enjoyed….amazing….peaceful….no longer know….do not have to do anything…we shall see’

Well, look at you with your nice calm good stuff language, 66. Give yourself a high five immediately!  :)
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.


"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg
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TRUST IN WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT COME
#108: June 22, 2023, 06:15:10 PM
Good to have an update from you, S66. 

Taylor Swift -- tried to get tickets, but couldn't score them for a price I could pay.  I do have a niece that is going though. 
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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.
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TRUST IN WHAT MAY OR MAY NOT COME
#109: June 23, 2023, 12:56:32 AM
Hi Schratz!

As far as your MLC'er goes - It's not a GIF but.....
https://youtu.be/aGSKrC7dGcY



Taylor is coming to Germany to 3 different cities but too far away from me to get there and back in an evening   :'( :'( :'(

The lottery to buy tickets just opened
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Me - 61, xW - 54
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 17, D - 13
1 Dog
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
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