[LisaLives]

Ibelieve, you do have to remember that not everyone has ALL the same negatives.  I have a hard time when I read all the obvious affair down scenarios.  In so many ways, my H picked someone who is better than me, smarter, prettier, younger, she was some kind of beauty pageant winner, even and has a PhD...  BUT, she was still willing to have an affair with a married father--no matter how pretty or smart, something is not right inside.  And my H is not horribly mean either--but it's still MLC, he is not himself, I know that for sure. 

[truth_seeker]

But what if your h says.... he is blissfully happy? Never sees the children and no job. No responsibilities also.

Can it really be true? Or is it just another way to justify to himself (outloud) that he made the correct decision to leave w and children? I can't believe it still. I told him he was infatuated and real love is the love that takes a long time to cultivate and through the good times and bad times. What is he and other mlc smoking???

My H has said he was "happy" but I know my H as I'm sure you know yours.  If he's so happy why keep calling my S and asking about me? What we're up to then calling me every time OW is not around.  He does have responsibilities to us and I have held him to those as much as I can legally. But he is damaged right now and don't want him infecting my kids -no matter their age.  I can't control him but I can control myself.  I know the truth - good, bad and indifferent.  I chose my name for a reason. 

Does an addict look "happy" to you?  Because they are not even as they tell you they are.  Eventually their body tells you otherwise.  The eyes say so much without saying a word.  Their behavior, demeanor and arrogance is very telling if we pay close attention. 

[truth_seeker]

Ibelieve, you do have to remember that not everyone has ALL the same negatives.  I have a hard time when I read all the obvious affair down scenarios.  In so many ways, my H picked someone who is better than me, smarter, prettier, younger, she was some kind of beauty pageant winner, even and has a PhD...  BUT, she was still willing to have an affair with a married father--no matter how pretty or smart, something is not right inside.  And my H is not horribly mean either--but it's still MLC, he is not himself, I know that for sure.

Some of the dumbest people I have ever met and known have had PhD's and some of the smartest have barely a high school education.  As you said it doesn't matter their education, their looks (which will eventually fade), their age (we ALL get older) there's something not right inside.  I know a woman who's a received her Psychology PhD from Harvard and she's one of the most insecure people I know.  She's perpetually reliving her college years like she's still in a sorority.  Always having R trouble.  She works with OCD and stress disorders yet she can't handle her own life very well.    To me she's still an affair down.  You can pretty her up but she still has a lot of issues.  Sorry, if this sounds harsh or offensive. 

[Dontgiveup]

I posted this on another thread.....looks like it might be some good information here as well.

From RCR's article on an affair down:
A Warning
Some of you will dismiss the Affair Down scenario when you learn the alienator is an MBA and has a higher paying job than you or your MLCer. Pond Scum is not an intelligence rating or indicative of educational or career level. A Rocket Scientist employed by NASA can be pond scum; intelligence, educational level or career status are irrelevant. Pond Scum is about mental and emotional instability. Some people compartmentalize well and are brilliant in their professional lives while being unable to maintain a healthy relationship. A caring kindergarten teacher can be an alienator. Emotional and mental instability knows no socio-economic or cultural bounds.

[Gardenia]

LOL! Pondscum! Remember this lady? Lisa Marie Nowak

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/06/us/06cnd-astronaut.html

Honestly I HOPE she was just having a MLC I would hate to think this is how she normally lives. . . . . 

[unbroken]

I think she was just nuts.
LOVE the diaper.  Very attractive...

[Affaircare]

I'm definitely a newbie here so I'm not "hip" with all the terms but I can tell you the reality of what goes on in "Affairland" while you're apart. 

Since the whole affair relationship to begin with is built on fantasy, the MLC'er just doesn't realize that it's not "real".  They think the OP really can meet their needs intuitively and perfectly without any effort on their part.  They kind of believe that Hollywood myth that the OP is their "soulmate" and they were destined to be together against all odds...you know, the B.S.!  LOL    Anyway, in order to justify it, they paint it in their head as something they couldn't resist and that the Universe is forcing to happen--and if they were to see a kink in that armor, the justification would fall apart....SOOOOO they deny that they are unhappy, that they are hurting their own children, that they are "trading down"...all those things that are so obvious to everyone else!   

Meanwhile in "Affairland" the OP is beginning to ever-so-slightly show cracks because now that they are not sneaking the romantic rendezvous fun is lost.  All the money he used to spend on her, he now has to pay in CS to his children--or all the compliments she used to give him, she now criticizes why he's not as "romantic".   Reality sets in.  BILLS set in.  They aren't going to get to keep the house and all his paycheck and all her paycheck.  This lie is going to COST them and they turn on each other...because he/she was supposed to make them "happy" and they don't realize that happiness is a choice that they make--from within. 

[arp1]

My W is definitely not having fun or is happy from what I see. She looks and acts, by turns, angry, depressed, irritated and melancholy around me and the kids. The only time I can imagine she is 'happy' is when talking with/texting the OM or getting p**sed with her sister.

Affaircare is right, there seems to be some sort of fantasy at play here, whereby the OM is the answer to her prayers, will sweep her off her feet, will take away all the pain and unhappiness, that everything will be like it was when they were younger (he's an ex-bf), etc. If that's what she thinks she wants, she's got to have the balls to come clean and go and get it

[Glimmer]

I have always struggled with the idea of an 'affair down'.

My Hs OW is a college tutor, has a Masters degree in politics and runs marathons.  Apparently shortly after H first began meeting her through work, she started divorce proceedings and said had been in an abusive marriage. I have no idea how much truth there is in this.  She has a 20yr old son and she is the same age as my H 47.  My H would have been flattered that someone was paying him attention, and he would have jumped onto his dashing white charger to rescue the damsel in distress.  I do sometimes wonder if she herself could be having a MLC.

Whichever way you look at it, she has only ever known my H during his MLC, she has no idea what the 'real' him was like. They are both cheats and liars and will never be able to trust each other completely.

[Foxberry]

I have always struggled with the idea of an 'affair down'.

My Hs OW is a college tutor, has a Masters degree in politics and runs marathons.  Apparently shortly after H first began meeting her through work, she started divorce proceedings and said had been in an abusive marriage. I have no idea how much truth there is in this.  She has a 20yr old son and she is the same age as my H 47.  My H would have been flattered that someone was paying him attention, and he would have jumped onto his dashing white charger to rescue the damsel in distress.  I do sometimes wonder if she herself could be having a MLC.

Whichever way you look at it, she has only ever known my H during his MLC, she has no idea what the 'real' him was like. They are both cheats and liars and will never be able to trust each other completely.

Glimmer - you could be me exactly - spooky!! OW is a high powered Account Manager - met my H through work - abusive marriage and apparently my H got her to go to the Police and get him out of the house; daughter 21, son 17 - 49 yrs old. H VERY flattered by the attention and being Sir Lancelot - albeit he never protected me from anything.  But you are SO RIGHT that she does not know my H at all, he has told lies upon lies about me, our life and our marriage - that is obvious from comments she has come out with in emails I have read.   

But the most important thing you said is that they are both cheats and my H has dumped her once after only being with her for 6 months!  So that shows staying power doesn't it.....basically he doesn't have any real foundation of respect to build a relationship on - hopefully one day he will realise what he's lost in both me and his Son.....

Incredible the similarities between us isn't it?

Fox xxxxx