[252338133]

I would like to update the record of my journey as at October 2023. 
My ex husband left me on 10 October 2014 almost exactly 9 years ago.
This is the update I have,  I have only just seen this evidence so have not processed it and do not necessarily think this is the end of his midlife crisis.
------------------------
i just need to tell someone 9 year on
10 October 2014 my ex husband left me for a work colleague and every kind of destruction of our marriage and our family (two kids aged 4 and 5 at the time) followed.
Almost 9 years on to the day am happy to report i am in a much better place, living in our own house happily with my two kids now teenagers, settled, feel at peace.
Today I saw on social media undeniable evidence that my ex husbands wife (the woman he left me for) is now being described as the "girlfriend" and "better half" of another unrelated man, confirming a few months of suspicion that my ex husbands new marriage was in trouble.
In some ways I feel devastated again for my own two children but also for the 4 year old son of his new marriage who will experience divorce of his parents.

But today is a day I thought would eventually come as my marriage was trashed by cheating and an affair, and eventually the foundations of that relationship crumbled. Dr Shirley Glass was right, it is 4.5 years since their marriage in march 2019 and now it is over.
https://www.infidelityhelpgroup.com/2012/12/12/shirley-glass-infidelity/

My own kids will have to face their Dad being single again though so that will be then next bit of instability.

I dont really expect any replies I just wanted to get it out, thankyou for listening.

[MadLuv]

I am more suprised to hear  that these relationships last. Anything built on the pain of others and under the veil of deceit are fighting a bigger up hill battle then the one they “think” they left. It will be interesting to see if he connects more with your children together now. If you build any type of friendship. I think we all want to just at least see the person we once knew to some degree. Keep us updated.

[252338133]

Thank you for your reply Madlove

" I think we all want to just at least see the person we once knew to some degree."

Yes, exactly this.
Unfortunately he is still very agressive and angry with me on the very rare occasions we are in contact.   The thing I hope for the very most is that he turns his focus much more back on the two children I have with him and gives them much more attention compared with the attention he has given them over the last 9 years.

I will never understand how someone who themselves cheated on you and left a marriage and children can, from the day they  left,  turn all their own anger on you the person they have walked away from and betrayed.

[252338133]

Even if we are never friends again as such i long to see the person I once knew even if just from a distance.

[KayDee]

I will never understand how someone who themselves cheated on you and left a marriage and children can, from the day they  left,  turn all their own anger on you the person they have walked away from and betrayed.

I know you probably know this, the anger, that's his defense against looking at his actions. Sometimes, this wall of anger is pretty solid and protects the person looking at themselves. Nothing you did - I sometimes think it makes angry people angrier if we do not respond in kind, because we do not provide further fuel and justification. We all hope to see some semblance of our old spouse. We know in our hearts that something serious happened to them internally, but (for me at least) there is always a small nagging doubt. Keep the ship steady! This current turn of events will likely trigger things for you. Try to have some friend and family time lined up to help you through.

[MadLuv]

Yes and anger or monster comes in many forms. My XH monsters with silence. He withholds communication as his form of controlling and manipulating. So, it isn’t always outward monster. Also, my XH was always in contact until OW moved in and the shift became about her and her kids. He has said that he doesn’t want any “issues” with her. So, let’s see what tole your XH wife/ow had in this disconnect.

[252338133]

Thank you Madluv and Kaydee. 

I am just re reading this thread and your most recent replies.

I have to say there is such an amazing wealth of wisdom and support in this forum, I have found it incredibly helpful over the years and want to say thank you.  without picking any particular post out this one on this thread is so helpful and sheds light on all the ways I have not processed what has happened, yes even years on I cannot fathom what happened (and still seems to be happening) in my ex husbands head.

Treasur #9: April 09, 2023, 12:49:14 AM

Anyway thank you so much everyone who has taken time to post - i often re read the replies and they really help me a lot.

[252338133]

........ Also, my XH was always in contact until OW moved in and the shift became about her and her kids. He has said that he doesn’t want any “issues” with her. So, let’s see what tole your XH wife/ow had in this disconnect.

This resonates with me.  I often feel like my husband has literally bent over backwards to please the affair partner/woman he went onto marry (now separated from). It is not an exaggeration to say that it feels like his affairpartner/second wife said to my husband "jump" and my husband literally replied to her "how high" and then he did it.
Everything from where to live, where to go, having a baby (she wanted to "see what it was like" is what she told my children when they were visiting my ex husband) and getting married.  Her wishes are the fuel of the relationship and he seems to focus on them instead of in any way asking himself "but who am I?"
I don't know whether he has any introspection at all, there are no signs of it and certainly nothing which is visible to me.

[Reinventing]

252338133,
Others have reported that their MLCer views their children to be the age from BD.

One had a teenager that MLCer gave a juvenile Batman birthday card to. Others have had their children receive birthday presents that are age appropriate for BD-aged children--nor commensurate with their current age.

[252338133]

252338133,
Others have reported that their MLCer views their children to be the age from BD.

One had a teenager that MLCer gave a juvenile Batman birthday card to. Others have had their children receive birthday presents that are age appropriate for BD-aged children--nor commensurate with their current age.

This is so true and so weird.
My daughter who is 14 regularly reports/complains to me that her bedroom at my ex husbands house is still decked out in the type of thing she liked when she was 6 when he left (Frozen disney stuff etc). She has complained to him she wants it updated but for some reason he has never done it.
He has actively and vocally abdicated all signs my daughter has become a teenager to his new wife (from whom he has recently separated) - so for example if my daughter says she wants clothes etc he will send off with second wife (who is very enthusiastic about teenage girl clothes shopping thankfully)

I guess over the years it has all become part of the landscape to me, now you point it out tho it is so weird and so true.

Another thing my ex husband does is his own personal fixation on childrens toys.  As mentioned above, my ex has had a child with his second wife - and that child (boy) is now 4.  My children reported last time they were there my ex husband flew into a rage because 4 year old was trying to get his (his Dad's) attention whilst my ex husband was playing with the scalextric. 
Will he ever move on from this phase?  I am not sure he will. 
Its like he is frozen in time.

To be fair tho, sometimes I feel like i am frozen in time myself too (no pun intended about the Frozen disney thing above which i have just noticed!!)