[Treasur]

I am so very sorry for all of you, what a terrible loss of what sounds like a splendid young human. And I am very glad your BF just showed up, that he got it, that he understood that you need someone to have your back bc you will be busy trying to have your kids’ back. Showing up matters so, doesn’t it? Please try to take care of yourself where you can. We know, and you know, that grief and trauma have a compound effect and big ripples that sometimes churn up stuff we don’t expect. Think of it like channelling your mother perhaps; try to do for you what she would do for you if she was still here physically to do it. Hugs to you all from here.

[UrsaMajor]

Was this young man the "cookie Monster" that you described often who exchanged Baked Goods for lawn mowing?

I am so sorry for all three of you. Just seems like one thing after another doesn't it? At least your support person was/is able to help and you know for real he is a rock, despite Metallica shirts....

As for LFVGWDWE Ex, what is there to say? Unless the Mid-Lifer is REALLY invested in doing the work they need to do to resolve whatever it is inside them that is driving them, they are simply unable to change. My mom, in her practice, had a rule (she dealt occasionally with alcoholics and there are many very close parallels / similarities to MLC from what I can see) that she would not even entertain taking on an alcoholic client unless that client sincerely demonstrated that they were personally invested in changing their behavior. Otherwise, she said, it is a waste of the time for both of them and the client's money. I see that in many of the stories here - the Mid-Lifer doesn't change because they have no vested interest in doing so and, without that, there is insufficient motivation. They seem to think that they can just waltz in and out of the lives of those they Bombed or dropped and everything will just be hunky-dory. They simply ignore or are oblivious to the damage they have done in their madness....

Sending you and your family hugs.

just remember to do the normal stuff like eat and sleep......