[Silver]

Thank you all for replies!

Thunder, gman...wow I feel like flying back in time few years, so nice to hear from you both! You too SS, beyond... all of you who replied! 

Thunder: I am in contact with Whyus every now and then and to say short: he seems to do great! Maybe he'll come back here one day to tell himself but he is fine imo.

[One day at a time]

Oh wow! Silver, great to hear from you.    I also used to follow your story (and WhyUs) when I was in the thick of it!
Thunder, you are also still around!

It's nice to hear from people a few years out and see that life eventually moves us away from the pain and confusion of the first few months. I can see my xH divorcing OW at some point. I could be wrong but I just don't think it'll last.
Good to hear that J and you are doing great!

[Treasur]

How lovely to hear that you are doing so well, Silver!

[stillbaffled]

Nice to have an update from you, Silver!  Life does, indeed, keep marching forward and as BB has stated we've created new lives and adventures and continue to thrive.   

Drop in on occasion and let us know how things are going.   Like Thunder, I should probably share an update as well.   

[Silver]

Thanks Odaat, Treasur, still, good to hear from all of you as well!

A brief update:

OM has left the building. They (he and his 2 sons) moved out a week ago and XW bought their beautiful (it really is!) house. We continue coparenting of course in week-week system as we have all these years. I am not sure how she thinks she can manage to do everything by her own as it is a quite big house with big garden and backyard not even to mention the financial challenges that should follow (big mortgage etc). But that's her business not mine. She didn't tell me about their divorce until OM and boys already left but I knew already as kids naturally told me about it as soon as she told them. She even told me the reason for d. I'm not opening the case more here but what is pretty clear is that she doesn't take ANY responsibility about their divorce. Surprised?? These things just happens to her, that's her take on that. I mean this is her 3rd divorce and she didn't play any part in any of them (if you ask her).   

Not just her relationship, she has also disowned many VERY important persons (like her really close sister) lately. I confronted her about that and told her that I am genuinely sad to hear that she burns bridges behind her for whatever the reason. Her reply is that she is happy and would do everythin again exactly as she did and doesn't miss any of them. I am afraid there will come a day she regrets it all but knowing her - she will never admit it. At least I hope they would reconnect with her (twin) sister one day soon enough. Talking about her sister, I have reconnected with her family this summer and am really happy about it as they were important to me back at the days we still were married. I met her once and her h and kids (my kids' cousins) twice this summer and we had great time, like there were no 5+ years between! Well we never actually disowned each other but not really were in touch more than casual texts couple of times a year so this summer really felt like reconnection to me.

What comes to MLCers and OM's - I don't see her as MLCer who could "recover" ever anymore. I don't believe she gets out of her cycle (call it MLC or whatever) in her life. In fact I am pretty sure that there is another OM (gosh I don't remember which number next one will be!) right after the corner. She won't take my advice which I gave her as she told about their divorce. I texted her "the best gift you can give to yourself after your d is NOT to jump into another relationship AT LEAST in 6 months or even better a year! Give a little time to yourself to heal and stay alone for a while for that helps you to build much better basis to your next relationship". She didn't respond but at least she didn't get mad at me saying that and I hope from my heart she would do that but doubt she will.

She will continue seeking happiness from wrong side of herself (that being outside of course) bc it feels easier and more safe way to do but will never work. Never.

Thanks for reading and have a good week all you brave & beautiful people out there!

EDIT: btw this OM was the last guy who's "OM" to me. 7 years of OM's are enough! 

[MadLuv]

EDIT: btw this OM was the last guy who's "OM" to me. 7 years of OM's are enough!

I guess the next will just me “M” as whoever she is with will still affect the kids. Let’s hope she makes better choices. We know she is capable of it. I mean you were her “M” at one point, right? What is interesting is they say most these relationships break up by year 5.  Looks like she was within that time frame.

[UrsaMajor]

EDIT: btw this OM was the last guy who's "OM" to me. 7 years of OM's are enough! 

Wash, Rinse, Spin, Repeat......

But no matter how far they run or how fast, they run, there they are....

[Silver]

Thanks Madluv & UM!

EDIT: btw this OM was the last guy who's "OM" to me. 7 years of OM's are enough!

I guess the next will just me “M” as whoever she is with will still affect the kids. Let’s hope she makes better choices. We know she is capable of it. I mean you were her “M” at one point, right? What is interesting is they say most these relationships break up by year 5.  Looks like she was within that time frame.

Actually it was year 6 in their case which is more than I thought it would last tbh! The problem in XW's case is the fact that this most recent OM was at least decent guy imo and she didn't actually choose  wrong if you ask me but I doubt there will be a man "good enough" for her bc like UM stated  they just can't stop running. They always  make up reason to leave the relationship when it is time to cycle to "wash" again.

Still, after all these years I hope for her and especially for my kids sake that she could find some peace inside somehow and gets out of her cycle. The question is how can you find peace inside if you never seek it there? How can you stop running if you are desperate to see what's in the goal? I kind of understand their thinking in it. Is liminal depression the only way out of it? Can some of them run rest of their lives if they refuse to face the facts at some point? I guess they can and that's just so sad, like letting your life to pass by searching for something you'll never find but what actually is always within your reach.

[UrsaMajor]

Can some of them run rest of their lives if they refuse to face the facts at some point? I guess they can and that's just so sad, like letting your life to pass by searching for something you'll never find but what actually is always within your reach.

Oh yes, they can run the rest of their lives. I have personally witnessed it in MLCxFIL(RIP) - MLCxW's F... He ran and ran and ran until his heart gave out (literally) and he never found the peace he was running after.... not even on his deathbed. He always was looking for someone or something to blame for his misery and never looked into the mirror to find the real causes of his problems.

Yes, it is sad but it is out of our sphere of control....

[MadLuv]

The question is how can you find peace inside if you never seek it there? How can you stop running if you are desperate to see what's in the goal? I kind of understand their thinking in it. Is liminal depression the only way out of it? Can some of them run rest of their lives if they refuse to face the facts at some point? I guess they can and that's just so sad, like letting your life to pass by searching for something you'll never find but what actually is always within your reach

  It is sad. I think the ones that get “stuck” do have some clarity and even liminal depression, but just are to weak to face themselves. I firmly believe my XH will be one of those. It is hard to witness. The hardest thing for me in all this has been coming to terms with  the fact that love can not save them. Love, concern, devotion. All the things that should make them secure well, those are the things they run from. We have no other choice at some point to unlove someone we want to love.  At least in the way we want to love them.