[MadLuv]

Toomany, xy, tresur, nas, DG- thank you so much.

I had to put our lab down last year and now my sweet rescue pup. The sense of loss of love and companionship in this whole MLC situation was most definitely helped by my sweet sweet dogs and to lose them both so soon after my XH and for him to not even respond to their deaths is just so unbelievably sad. These dogs after he left laid by the door for months waiting for his return. When he did have to come by for things the first year and my daughter’s rehearsal party they were over the moon to see him. He took them home with him for a week almost 2 years ago and I think that was his final goodbye as he moved OW and daughters and dogs in at the end of that month and I think he knew that would be it.

Whoever XH is now I really dont know, but his character, morals and compassion do not resemble in any degree anyone I used to know, nor match mine any longer. Her death has changed me even further to understand the depth of change in this man in crisis who has become unrecognizable. We do not have anything in common any longer.

I hate that I lost my girl. I really needed her, but I will be ok and I do think this is going to propel me to make huge decisions on my life this year. I can totally focus on what I want to do and where I want to live. I really want to have a dog, but I dont think I can go through the heartbreak again. We shall see. Definitely no time soon. Just like the MLCer leaving. You have to grieve. Replacing quickly trying to fill a void never works. Love is not so easily replaced when it is deep and real.

Although I had No expectations that my XH would respond on her death. I am disappointed for him that he hasn’t yet grown at all. This is someone that I would have moved mountains for as would these sweet dogs, but he continues to show he is still selfish, distrustworthy, cold, and his apologies self serving and fall flat , so it is not surprising. The more he doesn’t evolve the stronger it makes me. Oddly enough. For me at least I hung on for so long and now when things like this come up that truly hurt my soul and he is not there for it and can’t even show a resemblance of a human being…. Well, it just makes it easier to move forward.

[Evermore]

I'm so sorry to read about your doggo ML. It changes our world when they are no longer in it. Very sorry for your loss and am thinking of you.

[Imgood]

Madluv, I’m so sorry for your loss. Your loss of two dogs in the last few years is very rough, on top of everything else. May you find some comfort in your memories. (((Hugs)))

[titleholder]

MadLuvv I'm so sorry for your loss, the hits keep on coming. But I admire your strength and wisdom *hug*

[PhoenixRising75]

So sorry to hear of your loss, ML. My ❤️ goes out to you.
It’s heartbreaking because it doesn’t make sense when you have a healthy pup just take a turn. We lost our little Max just as our state was shutting down for the pandemic. It started with a limp, and ended in full organ failure. It was 3 weeks of vet, hospital, emergency hospital. I was at his side the entire time, except when the shut downs didn’t allow, and doing everything the vets were telling me to do with medication, and nothing worked. Because it was the beginning of the pandemic shut downs, I spent hours outside in my car while he underwent testing and IVs, and so on. They s never did figure out what killed him. Putting him down was so incredibly hard. He was only 7. It shouldn’t have gone like that.
I need to get back to my school work. I’ve  set a goal to be 2 weeks ahead in all my classes, so this week has been crazy. I’ve pulled it off in 2 classes so far, and now need to finish this last one before Sunday, and my goal will be met. I earn extra credit for turning things in 2 weeks early, so I am padding out my grades. 🤣  It’s meant to help 20 year olds learn time management, but to a grown woman it’s candy. We managed households, so not just our schedules, but everyone else’s. I know you have a lot of experience with that. University wants to reward me bonus points for doing what I’ve done for 25 years now? Yes please.
Take care of yourself. I feel for you, and hope your grief passes when you need it to.

[MadLuv]

Thank you all for the loving thoughts on the loss of my sweet pup. So much loss in the last 3 years.

Little update- met with the lawyer today to have her send a letter to my XH to have notorized that I have remained as his beneficiary for all his accounts since switching jobs. i had mentioned it to him, but he did not reply as he normally doesn’t talk much or answer. Just lets me talk and talk. So, I felt I needed something legally to confirm. I had mentioned that I would probably have the lawyer send something, but I am sure he didn’t think I would.

The lawyer is also sending a request for disclosure of bonuses not disclosed in the divorce. I am very uneasy on all this, but seeing how he is spending money that legally was half mine and I haven’t contested anything I felt it was time. I was always afraid to upset him, but he has had no issues deceiving me in the last decade and I finally have decided since I am not standing for the marriage I have to at least make sure my kids and not her and her kids get what they rightfully should get.

It really does hurt my heart to have to go after him legally for something that he should just have taken care of and disclosed. I wanted to be friends, but as I told him months ago on our last conversation he has not been my friend for a very long time despite my efforts. I hope I am doing the right thing and don’t regret this .

[MadLuv]

Little update to keep my journal of my story

It has been 5 months of no contact by my choice. My XH took a job offer in July and moved to another state alone. His wife/ow remains with her adult daughter in our old condo we owned as a second home in another state just a little oher 2 hours away. They seem to commute on weekends and have Saturday to see each other. He has not had communication with our kids. It is 2 years this month since I have seen XH. Our son, daughter and grandson have not seen him in just short of 2 years.

I went to a recent game with son and BIL ( xh brother) he told me that their mom ( my kid’s grandmother) has some serious health issues. Congestive Heart Failure at 79. They had thought she was not going to live more than 2 months. He messaged XH ( his brother) and told him and that he better make it right with their mom before it was to late. This all happened right after BIL was here in July with his family and XH went on another yearly anniversary/ OW bday holiday with her and her adult kids. 

XH did call BIL. He said he talked a little but not much. BIL did ask him if there was anything new with work and he said no. He also asked him if he was still living in same place and he said, yea. Nothing new.  So, he does not want anyone to know for some reason that he got a new job and moved. His LinkedIn has stayed as his old job as well.

He called his mom and BIL said they came to some minor reconciliation of sorts, but that he thought that would be the last time their mom hears from him. I think he will text her on holidays as he started that last xmas. But…. Even though x-MIL is not dying tomorrow, it is very likely with her condition that she will not be around in 5 years time. Yet, he still made no mention or arrangements to come visit or introduce his wife. No one has met her and they would not know she existed or that they got married if I hadn’t told them . They don’t talk about her to him and he doesn’t talk about his new family to them. They have been married for 2 years this past July. BD was 3 years ago in one month.

Anyways…. I have always wondered if something happened to my x-MIL would he then just show up with OW/ WIFE and how much anxiety that would give me. Right now I still see her when I go there for games so that my son  and daughter can see her. I hosted his brother and family here this summer. Yet, I know if a service was held and he came I would be sitting away from the family I have known for 34 years and OW/WIFE would be with the family she never met. To say goodbye to someone she never met.

 Strangely, I am ok with that now. I just feel that I have shown up in life and so he can live with that awkward moment of showing up to say good bye when it is to late. He can be surrounded by family that he has discarded. It is comforting to think of these moments you know are coming and not be riddled with anxiety on them anymore. To just be proud that you made it through and you kept your connections. That there is nothing to be ashamed of.

[HeavenlyFocus]

Strangely, I am ok with that now. I just feel that I have shown up in life and so he can live with that awkward moment of showing up to say good bye when it is to late. He can be surrounded by family that he has discarded. It is comforting to think of these moments you know are coming and not be riddled with anxiety on them anymore. To just be proud that you made it through and you kept your connections. That there is nothing to be ashamed of.

ML, I totally understand how you feel about the decisions your XH has been made and  the relationships that he has destroyed.  I have seen the same type of actions and behavior from my XW and have just accepted that she is forever changed.  I can live knowing that I have done everything for my kids and have been kind to XW in spite of the hurt she has caused.   I go to sleep at peace every night.  It is enough for me.

[MadLuv]

Exactly HF!! Some how all the love and care that was discarded and disregarded by the MLCer does come back to us. It’s like once you can get a grip again that your own love comes back to you. Making you proud to be who you are once again.

[FaithWalker]

ML, I'm sorry to hear of your MIL's poor health.  Sending hugs.  Definitely a sign that xH is disordered when he makes no mention of his new wife, his change in living arrangements, or a new job.  MLCers for you.