[Helpnewc]

The anger does my head in. My wife appears to be through the crisis and is pretty normal now with everyone but me.

She is just so angry at me. The lines they draw are weird. She is happy for me to keep paying for everything but will ask if it is ok to have some potato salad I bought.

The only way to survive is to disconnect. It is hard as the life you thought you had is a fiction in their mind as they hated you for all those years which makes no sense.

She has seen a lawyer but is not moving it forward. I am just very tired.

[xyzcf]

Acorn and her husband have reconciled and she has just updated;

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=12101.0

Here is here previous thread:

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11811.0;all

[Songanddance]

My wife appears to be through the crisis and is pretty normal now with everyone but me.

This is the deceptive part of MLC.   The MLCer appears pretty normal to everyone but this does not mean they are through the crisis.  If it is an Midlife Transition ie no PA with OP but replay behaviour with most of the other stuff - then yes that is quicker.

However the MLC(T) er will appear normal but to you who knows her the best - she will not be.  And this is the sign that the MLC(T) is still in play and so the crisis has merely abated rather than gone.

Reconnection is genuinely reconnecting and not appearing normal.  There is an effort to behave differently and to change the behaviour rather than reverting to "normal" pre BD behaviour.  And the spouse is the last person to reconnect with.
The crisis is only "gone" when the MLCer has genuinely acknowledged their behaviour, apologised or become accountable for their actions because then invariably it won't return.

[marvin4242]

My wife appears to be through the crisis and is pretty normal now with everyone but me.

This is the deceptive part of MLC.   The MLCer appears pretty normal to everyone but this does not mean they are through the crisis.  If it is an Midlife Transition ie no PA with OP but replay behaviour with most of the other stuff - then yes that is quicker.

However the MLC(T) er will appear normal but to you who knows her the best - she will not be.  And this is the sign that the MLC(T) is still in play and so the crisis has merely abated rather than gone.

I just wanted to second this from S&D. I don't mean to sound discouraging but like many others I can tell you about the multiple times my wife has waxed and waned in her behaviour towards me. It was more regular in the first 4-5 years, where she would ALMOST act like nothing was wrong to acting like I did not exhibit for months at a time. Lately she has settled into a more consistent state of behaviour where she simply acts both as if we are still happily married and nothing is going on in some aspects, while in other ones you can literally feel her revulsion.

Try not to read too much into it, you may find her behaviour changes with the wind.

[Helpnewc]

Thank you both.

It is just very odd and my expectations are nil.

I think it is right that the compartmentalise and she is normal with those who do not challenge her.

I continue to focus only on my relationship with my children. I have finally detached.

[Treasur]

Acorn and her husband have reconciled and she has just updated;

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=12101.0

Here is here previous thread:

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11811.0;all
[/ quote]

I’d encourage any newish folks here, particularly those with an in-house MLCer, to read from the very beginning of Acorn’s story. Why? Bc it can be a bit tempting to believe, based on Acorn’s lovely calm matter of fact and positive tone, that she did not experience some of the same horrors or that the path from there to today was a straight line. Or struggle with lots of the WTF and healing challenges that most LBS struggle with. And it really wasn’t from what I can see and it took years. Plus, of course, as Acorn often says, her story is a sample of one. Or two if you include her h. 

[marvin4242]

I’d encourage any newish folks here, particularly those with an in-house MLCer, to read from the very beginning of Acorn’s story. Why? Bc it can be a bit tempting to believe, based on Acorn’s lovely calm matter of fact and positive tone, that she did not experience some of the same horrors or that the path from there to today was a straight line. Or struggle with lots of the WTF and healing challenges that most LBS struggle with. And it really wasn’t from what I can see and it took years. Plus, of course, as Acorn often says, her story is a sample of one. Or two if you include her h. 

To save some time here is the link to that thread, there are I believe 20 threads in total!

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8164.0;all

[Songanddance]

I’d encourage any newish folks here, particularly those with an in-house MLCer, to read from the very beginning of Acorn’s story. Why? Bc it can be a bit tempting to believe, based on Acorn’s lovely calm matter of fact and positive tone, that she did not experience some of the same horrors or that the path from there to today was a straight line. Or struggle with lots of the WTF and healing challenges that most LBS struggle with. And it really wasn’t from what I can see and it took years. Plus, of course, as Acorn often says, her story is a sample of one. Or two if you include her h. 

To save some time here is the link to that thread, there are I believe 20 threads in total!

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8164.0;all

Agree - and if you also want another stay at home MLCer for 9 yrs and who had a full blown affair- then you are welcome to read my threads ..and no we're not reconciled but we are reconnected and H has apologised over and over for his actions. He is now genuinely through the crisis.  All 25 threads are here!
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11849.0;all

[FrenchHusband]

I am currently reading the threads from "The Navigator" : https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=4084.0

Thanks for the advices, I will read then the story from Acorn, I have read only the previous thread from her and I like very much her writing.

I am sooooo grateful for all these threads, a huge database where I find pearls, diamonds, treasurs of advices (guess why there is no final E ?  )

[Keyser77]

I am always so appreciate of the responses and amount of knowledge on here. 

So here is another question, when a MLC'er has a an episode where they are appear "normal" or they act like things are fine, or they appear to want to reconcile and things to work out - how long do typically last before the alien reappears?  We are way too early into the MLC for my W to have come out the other side.  The other night she had what I call an "episode" where the alien appeared and lashed out towards me.  I employed my best techniques - maintain my composure, looked in the eye and validated everything she said even if I don't believe it.  When she started cussing at me I told her that I would be happy to finish the conversation when she didn't direct those words at me.  She stormed off to bed and about 30 minutes came back downstairs and talked to me like a person.  It's been 2 days now of "normal" behavior and no alien episodes.  She is talking about things as if we're going to be together.  I am not bring up any R talks and just enjoying this ride.  But how long does this last before the MLC alien will come back?