[forthetrees]

Only in MLC World can you expect your spouse to be legally separated and committed to fidelity while you go on an adventure with your OM. That right there is an example of the bat$hit crazy. Seems like a raw deal for you. What happens if you just do nothing and day 16 comes to pass? What happens if day 16 comes, she doesn´t file for divorce but she does take off with OM- how does your legal system treat a situation of abandonment in terms of child custody and property? Time for a chat with your lawyer. If she´s going to ever come back with a full and open heart that´s on her so in the meantime protect your financial situation and that of the kiddos. You cannot successfully guilt her into sticking around for S6.

[FrenchHusband]

Glad that you saw a lawyer and have such a clear perspective on the various options. Are there financial advantages for you in one option over another?

It sounds as if your wife, via her lawyer, is using the divorce option as a threat? So presumably your wife thinks this is your least preferred option and that she can get more of what she wants by threatening it? Is that true? And what does she want, as far as you can see?

I’d be tempted to keep an even closer eye on finances atm as your wife is obviously building up steam towards her escape, whatever that is, so she is likely to be even more focused on Me Me.

Actually I saw a lawyer one month ago, and last night as I woke up 2:30 am I checked the datas. From my costly experience I believe lawyers can be efficient when you know your case better than them, including the law texts.

yes I agree with you, W is assuming divorce is not my prefered option, she is wrong. My preferred option is no separation/ no divorce. But between those threats, actually I have no preference, and I do not see any financial advantage between them.

Regarding what W wants, well I can only guess. What is in the head of our dear spouses during their MLC ? They try to escape from themselves to find happiness ? What KD describes as "MLC theory" is sadly very accurate IMO.
The only advantage of my current situation is that W might be obliged to write down "what she wants" in term of shared custody, finance agreement, living arrangement. Actually I am not sure she will be able to formulate it "out of the steam". More popcorn ?

Thanks for your advice regarding money ! I will open both eyes.

And keep your distance emotionally from YM, my friend….think of it like a siren song to resist that kind of attention or affirmation…..this is not the time to add more complexity or other players into the situation that your family faces. If it is potentially something of substance, it can wait a few months at least until you and your kids are stood on more stable ground. If for no other reason than your kids deserve that stability and trustworthiness from you bc their mother is throwing a hand grenade into their lives that will irrevocably change a lot of things for them. And it is too early yet to predict accurately what that will look like in reality….so it is even more important that you represent the solid things of your family that will not change regardless of what your wife does bc that sense of solid ground under your mental feet matters a lot when life gets upended.

And again, a nice lecture from you Treasur  . You know, I love you !
Yes I remember the dangers, thanks for your advice ! I confess I am tempted to call YM since the letter arrived. And my mind is clear : for many reasons, she is currently not the right person to get comforted by. So, instead of calling YM, I called three friends that are aware of my current situation : two are recently divorced, the third is my new lawyer. And I write here 

I'm sorry FH. I know you were expecting something like this, but the cold, formal language of this process is still very cutting.

I love the analogy of snake and dove. It can be really hard though, to be our best tacticians when emotions are at play. I'm usually a great strategic thinker, but sometimes dealing with MLC has felt like punching my way out of mist. I know the MLC theory (if we can call it that?), that they have affairs, that they hurl around a lot of hurt, that they leave. For me, my H moving in with OW has been the nail in the coffin. Even though I know that it was utterly predicable and the relationship is ridiculous. Even though we could have looked it up in the MLC handbook etc. I guess what I am saying is, you will likely go through a range of new emotions and shifts in thinking if/when your W runs off to Switzerland (only in MLC Land could we be having this exchange). I think Treasur is right, your W is building up a head of steam. I wonder if you can take some time to consider what you might want if she is living with OM?

Of course, the whole thing is batpoo crazy. The OM is a dysfunctional predator, the escape is a pipe dream, it will all collapse like an avalanche, but can your compassion outlast the damage?  Intellectually I know my H's crisis is not about me, but his actions affect me, as your W's affect you and the kids. Wishing you strength FH.

thank you very much for your nice comments. Yes it is true that I was "expecting" this to happen as the worst possible scenario since 2 months ago when I discovered that OM sent 1 K€ to W to finance her diplom recognition in Switzerland. 1 year ago I heard W who was telling by phone to a friend "If I had no children I would go in Switzerland. In October I learned by his superior that OM should come back in his country next Summer (not Switzerland, another continent). So I had time to be ready for it. Thanks to the many stories we read here, we can guess in anticipation the next moves of our spouses, sadly they are not very original.

So, what might I want if she is living with OM ? I don't know, but I hope I can focus on my life and spend good moments with the people that are near me, it is already what I try to do daily. Currently I am reading books from Carl Gustav Jung and it is great, what he writes resonates a lot with my current life : individuation, making my darkness conscious, embrace my whole Self.
Living with OM is maybe a good way to finish the journey of a spouse within MLC ? So it might help the journey.

Only in MLC World can you expect your spouse to be legally separated and committed to fidelity while you go on an adventure with your OM. That right there is an example of the bat$hit crazy. Seems like a raw deal for you. What happens if you just do nothing and day 16 comes to pass? What happens if day 16 comes, she doesn´t file for divorce but she does take off with OM- how does your legal system treat a situation of abandonment in terms of child custody and property? Time for a chat with your lawyer. If she´s going to ever come back with a full and open heart that´s on her so in the meantime protect your financial situation and that of the kiddos. You cannot successfully guilt her into sticking around for S6.

day 16 passes is also one option (=call the bluff) I am currently considering, you are right, not my preferred one at the moment as I do not want to add bitterness to the acerb drink that MLC has cooked for our family.
and yes my legal system treats severely the situation of abandonment. I know the law also and how to make it applied, it is also 1 scenario I am preparing for. That would be a very bad move from W, now she is advised by a lawyer it is less likely IMO.
I am also considering writing something regarding (too many ings ?) fidelity vow in the separation agreement, I have no clear opinion now.

The real move is not for next month in my opinion, if it happens it will be end of Spring or Summer. Let's see...

[Baxter1]

FH-

Did your W call my W? Mine gave me an ultimatum as well: get an apartment or I will file. The deadline was this last Tuesday and I’ve heard nothing. She does this about every 2-3 months but so far nothing has happened. Heart’s blessing (and others here) give good advice, stand up to the threat. Just do nothing and see what happens. So far nothing has happened for me and it’s been a year. That’s not to say next time she will actually follow through, she might. She has a lot to lose, lawyer fees, we will have to sell the house, the kids will be angry since their lives are upended. I would say do what’s right for you. At this point personally I’m doing nothing and just staying in the house. I don’t want to move and I don’t want anyone else to move in so here I stay.

She ignores me when I’m in the house but other than that we coparent very well and the home is good for the family.  I’m ok with this arrangement for now, I/she may feel different in the future but for now this is ‘working’ for us. My 2 cents is do what you feel is right, Bonne chance!

[FrenchHusband]

Thanks B1 for your nice comment.

I called my lawyer last friday. He is a recent friend, a practising Christian, husband and father like me who is teaching with me to the young parishers (including his and my daughter). AND he is an expert in divorces (big business here  ) So in this situation I am glad he is with me.

It might be I over interpreted the letter (and sorry for me making you loose time based on my interpretation) : the letter is a standard one for divorce. So no legal separation a priori, and the threat is just a copy paste of many divorce letters  .
My lawyer told me to write nothing to W's lawyer (fool, I was considering to answer with a big mail), but "I sent your letter to my lawyer, when he comes back from holidays he will come back to you". Now it is time for business. My instructions to my lawyer right now : ask what are the intentions of W. What does she want ?

The weekend went very well : D16 and D14 are together in sport competition then sport stage for 1 week. On Satturday I had very nice morning and dinner with S6, YM and her children. No emotion, only quality time as friends. Then afternoon and evening, I went with S6 to a very nice carnival festival, we song Provençal songs, we danced, we ate, we chatted. There were a lot of musicians so I let my instruments in the car. Come back home at midnight, not an issue for S6 as he has school holidays.
Then in the morning, W came in the marital room at 6 am before going to work. Her question : "where is S6 ?". My answer : "he is in his bed..." I am glad I did not say something else, like "you should know the programm, I gave you the informations few days ago.... You were free to join us if you wanted to have fun.

On Sunday I continued my usual GAL programm : bicycle ride with S6, then mass and monthly lunch with the parishers. Again a nice quality time with nice people.

And finally in the evening a little time with W, the dinner together. W has cooked a lot of food in the last days, more than usual. We have a lot of food cooked in the fridge now as both Ds are out. And, without an event to celebrate, W bought pastry at the bakery. At the end of the meal, she put in front of me the carton box with my favourite cake (lemon pie) without a word. "Actions speak louder than word", are we told here. Well, I would have appreciated also a few words... so I did not take the lemon pie -> go back to the fridge .
I journal this only for the record, I don't give a lot of attention to W's behaviour. It looks to me that she is currently the one walking on eggshells. What I feel from her is fear, guilt and escape & avoid : is she afraid by my reactions after the divorce letter ? Likely... My only reaction will be through the lawyer from now. When/if the situation is more clear, there will be a time to try to speak with her before talking to the children, family, friends. Before that time, I change nothing to what I do : I try to enjoy each day to the fullest.

End of March, a friend will come at our home during 4 days. She is also the godmother of D17, and a common friend from 22 years : I met W during her birthday, in W's african country. Last year in March she was planning to meet us before a big family move, now she is divorcing her husband, leaving her children and starting a totally new job. This story sounds familiar, not ? Well difficult to give a phone diagnosis... My intuition is that it is right to invite her at this time. After I asked her about her coming to our home, W answers "why not ?". This is actually a progress, in the last 6 months she answered to such a question with "you do what you want". 

[FrenchHusband]

Hell all,

this evening I got a discussion with W. Coming back from Church, I informed W about the possibility of selling one of the appartments we own together. She listened to me, then she said that she wants to discuss with me.
She told me that she wants to work in another country. She plans to take care of S6 (sic*) 3 days a week (Monday-Tuesday-Wednesday), and to work in Switzerland the 4 remaining days. She tells me she has already the permit to work in Switzerland, and a studio appartment in rental. And she knows someone who may buy her position at the nurse's institute.
W tells me she may move this month (!). The reason given to make this move are "we can not continue like this", "there are issues in the couple" and "you did'nt listen to me"

I mainly listened to W, I sent a few truth darts : I pointed W that she has always been unstable in her work and I am not surprised. I asked W whether she thinks her project is the will of God, that question made her unhappy (but no Monster, instead she told me I miss humility ). I asked W whether she spoke about this project to someone amongst those who love her, she said she talked to "une amie" (a female friend)

So... Now I have to think about it.

In positive, W found the courage to discuss with me without a lawyer. And she warns me, that means there is a little space for discussion/negociation. What W has in mind is less destructive than a divorce. I would see the children every day. We will keep the house. I have more time to protect finance in anticipation of an eventual divorce. For the entourage and family, we can keep the facade.

In negative, the next arrangement will give more constraints to me and the children will have less time with their mum. There will be no common activity on week-ends. I will become more a  "left behind" who will take care of the children, the house, the garden, AND with 43% at home wife. For my professional life, that means I can not foresee travels on Thursday and Friday.

My feeling is that W is in big escape right now. I can do nothing to prevent or stop her moving. I need to focus on my boundaries, and on the children. I will take time and pray to find the right answer. The golden words I read on amazinglove's thread are inspiring me even if our situations are different.

Oh, and at the end of the discussion, W told me she is agree to sell the appartment. Good for me.

*yes, she has forgotten we have 2 other children. No surprise to me, she is disconnected.

[FrenchHusband]

a bit of journaling

life is beautiful. Temperatures are increasing, even if there is still snow on the mountains. Today during lunch, it was too hot on our southern terrace, so S6 and I ate inside, not outside. On this southern patio, we can lunch only during winter  .

The relationships with the children are very good right now. I have deep and light conversations  with the daughters. I got a convocation from the school for S6, and I had meeting with the teacher and the director. It happens that S6 is too advanced regarding all skills. He can read, calculate, and he gives motivation to other children. S6 will likely skip a grade next school year, and it will be smooth because he will join a double grade class next year : he will begin with his fellows from 3-year kindergarten, then continue with new fellows. D17 did the same in same school.

On the other hand, I know that the children are affected by our situation at home. W is disconnected with the and D15 and D17 & they have few interactions.  Both daughters know that many things are wrong, and S6 feels it. Almost everyday he says "I love you dad, I love you mum". I know I have to make sure that S6 will always know that he is loved, not abandoned (at least by me), and that he is not responsible of the situation between the parents.

This evening we will have D17's godfather for dinner, and at the end of the month her godmother will come for 3 days. I am always glad to have friends visiting us, and I know the next months will be very busy with family, church, friend and sport events.

At work, wy new manager since November is a woman and is younger than me, 2 first times in my 20 year career. She has been object of mockery in the last years : I work in industry, traditional male world, she is a girl, young, pretty and ambitious, she has switched positions several times, she lacks technical skills. I confess I was amongst the ones sneering in the last years before BD. Is it a change within myself ? I have welcomed the new manager (her first position as manager) with an open mind, and now I feel good with her management style : she talks openly, she is hard working, and she is honest and fair. I have hesitated in the last weeks to confide to her about my W's situation, and last week after she confided something personal about her (she is living with a work colleague since 2 years and they buy a house together) I have told her that I received a divorce letter. This is a new me because I would not have done it in the past. But I don't plan to tell many details, and I now know many details of the love life from my manager. World is changing, I accept it.

Yesterday W shared a few informations, is this a new trend ? She tells me she won't be here Friday because she will fly to Switzerland. I asked a few questions that were answered shortly : W will do "several" job interviews, she has not organized who will pick up S6 from school this day. I did not give my comments : IMO W should first find a new associate for her nurse's institute because that takes some months (3 ? 6 ?) to make a switch, warn the patients, transfer the work. And I will be surprised that all the job providers will gladly give to W the working days she is dreaming at (Thursday->Sunday) and wait for her to settle her switch. I am glad I zipped well my mouth 

On the lawyer front, my lawyer has asked W's lawyer what are W's claims. Now that W has made a step in legal world, it is better to have something written. My main goal is to protect myself and the children, to stay in our house together. I am ready for everything that will be thrown in our life.

[FrenchHusband]

Time for journaling a bit since last week

on personal front I am exploring more and more my own shadow, alone and with help of spiritual counselor. And I am now writing down my dreams when I wake up. I remember more and more my dreams since I began 2 months ago. Both actions are continuation of my inner journey.
Work is fine. Parish activities are currently very busy with preparation of branches for Palm Sunday.

last week-end was D14's birthday : now she is D15  . Time with children is very good, more and more.
And Friday and Satturday of same weekend, W was in Switzerland. I let her arrange who would pick up S6 at school (she asked D14 at last minute  ) Friday evening I asked the daughters about W and they told me that mum will come back Satturday. I told them mum did not tell me, but I did not insist on that topic.
It was another occasion for me to check how detached I am : I had no reaction with the news of W spending a night outside without telling me, and I spent a good evening with the children : the talking was really free and even more joyful than usual.

Satturday evening W came back, and I had no reaction. The dinner together has been a good moment, the children asked a few question to W regarding the travel and the job (me not). W answered shortly and evasively. So it happens that W told the children "behind my back" about her looking for a job in Switzerland. During same dinner D14 asked me to watch a movie together, and D17 asked mom to plait her hair, then after dinner W sat in the living room in front of the TV, so we spent the whole evening all together (but S6 in bed). That had not happened since ? 16 months ? D14 asked only me for the choice of the movie and set the languages in English/subtitle English, that is usual for both D and me, not for W. W did not complain but watched the movie ( ) and at the end she even admitted that she liked the movie ( ).
For D15 birthday I cooked together with her what she chose and I bought her the present that she wanted. Again a nice moment together joined by W.

Next day I had also a discussion with W that finished very fast. I wanted to share information about the selling of our appartment, regarding decisions that we may take together. And I set up a new boundary : no discussion without minimal greeting (hello, how are you). As W did not reciprocate or answer my greetings, I walked out of the room. After this failed discussion, I have been a bit in doubt : is my boundary too strong ? Am I too much rigid ?
In the past I was not good for setting up boundaries and upholding  them (is it correct English, please ?)
On one hand, politeness is important for me, it is a sign of the respect we have between ourselves. And it is important for me to set a good example for the children. Sometimes S6 or the daughters are not answering the greetings from W (not my problem) and S6 is recently less polite (my problem).
On the other hand, it is important for me to maintain a line of communication between W and me as we are still living together with the children. Currently I am using texts (W usually takes them into account). Regarding the selling of our appartment,
Do you have some advises on this topic ? Currently my position is to keep my boundary. Do you find it is too rigid ?

Then I got a call from my lawyer/friend. He told me that he discussed with the opposing lawyer. So the Switzeland project is confirmed, and W is not interested by our matrimonial property ( ). The girls are old enought to choose with whom they will stay, but W wants to take S6 with her ( )
For me it is a clear NO. And for the lawyer also. In case of amicable agreement, I will never accept this. So if W wants to take S6 with her, she has to file. A judicial divorce takes 2 years, but the judge can take a temporary decision for that settlement.
According to the lawyer, the risk is less than 1% : S6 has the home, the friends, the school here. And judges never separate children from their sisters and brothers. BUT we have to be vigilant nevertheless : I don't want it to happen, I have to know it may happen. The advice from lawyer is to let time pass and create a "de facto situation" that the judge will eventually confirm. The weekly future planning from W is crazy, but, says my lawyer, it is her problem, not mine.
Last advice, if W wants to leave without an agreement signed, let her go.

For the umpteenth time, after last travel in Switzerland I see W trying to reconnect with the girls. Is it due to guilt, reconnection, or a desperate attempt to make them follow her ? idk, I am always happy to see the interactions increasing.

After the announcement , I wanted to tell many things to W : warnings, requests, lectures. I took time to prepare my response, and, with time, my response is becoming less and less. I am thinking about Treasur's words "the illusion of action". Finally I am slowly reaching this place where I am in peace with doing nothing.

[Treasur]

Yes, upholding is le bon mot 
Yes, fwiw - although I understand your reasoning - I think you may be being a little rigid on the ‘dit bonjours’ or equivalent. Why? Bc you can only control you. You can treat her with resoect and politeness, you can want to be treated with respect and politeness but you can’t make her do it just bc it matters to you, can you? Bc perhaps it is a ritual that does not entirely reflect her reality. Maybe not yours completely? Bc there may be practical conversations you need to have and your boundary may make that harder. Above all, I think the fact that you are asking yourself if it is too rigid probably suggests that your instinct is that it may be.

But perhaps there is a similar boundary which is in the neighbourhood of that?

I’m not quite sure what the boundary is about for you, assuming you are not trying to ‘make’ her ‘behave nicely’? Are you informing or asking for something from her? Is it about her attention or participation? Is it about not tolerating being ignored or talked to in a rude way? Idk. But if you think about it, I’m sure you can adapt the boundary to fit what the issue really is.

We can all see how measured and increasingly detached you are becoming as your wife moves forward with her ‘plans’. (I say ‘plans’ bc obviously there are a lot of holes and secrets lol) What a blessing to get some advice from your lawyer/friend as things unfold and to have the time to think about what your future boundaries might be eg her taking S6 with her. I’m a little confused though….ha ha it’s an LBS habit  …with this talk about lawyers, not wanting matrimonial property and taking S6….is she still planning for a half time in Switzerland and half at home which I think you talked about earlier? Or has it evolved into a full Switzerland escape?

How are your kids reacting as her ‘plan’ starts to become a bit more real? I wouldn’t worry too much about the why when she increases or improves her level of interaction with the kids as long as it does not add to their distress. Whatever her reason is, most likely it will be a self serving one rather than a deep concern about the kids bc, well, MLC right?

The most important thing probably is how you will support your kids, and their own feelings and preferences, as things move forward so you can continue to be a safe and stable place for them regardless of what your wife chooses to do or not do. I hope you feel a little proud of how far you have come, my friend, bc you are coping remarkably well from what you post.

[forthetrees]

I agree that acknowledgement of your existence in the room could be a reasonable boundary. Including "How are you?" not so much because they do not care how you are and it may be better to just say, "I hope you are well."

It will probably work out in your favor to continue to refrain from warnings or lectures regarding S6 living arrangements. Let her find out after she has left the building that her plan required more planning. If she goes off to Switzerland without him it looks like abandonment and that will count against her. Do put S6´s passport in a safe place.

If she doesn´t care about the apartment, let her put it in writing so that you can continue the sale with no worries of backlash later.

[FrenchHusband]

Yes, fwiw - although I understand your reasoning - I think you may be being a little rigid on the ‘dit bonjours’ or equivalent. Why? Bc you can only control you. You can treat her with resoect and politeness, you can want to be treated with respect and politeness but you can’t make her do it just bc it matters to you, can you? Bc perhaps it is a ritual that does not entirely reflect her reality. Maybe not yours completely? Bc there may be practical conversations you need to have and your boundary may make that harder. Above all, I think the fact that you are asking yourself if it is too rigid probably suggests that your instinct is that it may be.

But perhaps there is a similar boundary which is in the neighbourhood of that?

I’m not quite sure what the boundary is about for you, assuming you are not trying to ‘make’ her ‘behave nicely’? Are you informing or asking for something from her? Is it about her attention or participation? Is it about not tolerating being ignored or talked to in a rude way? Idk. But if you think about it, I’m sure you can adapt the boundary to fit what the issue really is.

Yes I think you are right about me being too much rigid, and also needing sometimes practical conversations. I will lower a bit this boundary, but without telling it. I expressed to W that politeness is important for me as part of respect the other. And I will continue to be polite and respectful.
In the past 12 months I have slowly and successfully built boundaries that W is aware (and respecting) : no rude talking, no ignoring, no phone during meal and during convos, full attention given during convos. I wanted to step up with politeness, but it is prematurate I guess. And maybe a bit controlling, that's right.

To be complete, all the bad behaviors that I don't like in W are also a bit mine at my worse moments : I recognize I had these bad behaviors (not so intense) in the past, when I was tired, worried or busy. Especially during my grumpy times (own MLC/T). If that makes sense, I think W borrowed my drawbacks during her MLC, or does that mean I am projecting my issues on her ? On the other hand, I admit that many of my "new me/work in progress" is made of qualities I always loved in W : listening skills, reaching out to others, discretion and humility.

We can all see how measured and increasingly detached you are becoming as your wife moves forward with her ‘plans’. (I say ‘plans’ bc obviously there are a lot of holes and secrets lol) What a blessing to get some advice from your lawyer/friend as things unfold and to have the time to think about what your future boundaries might be eg her taking S6 with her. I’m a little confused though….ha ha it’s an LBS habit  …with this talk about lawyers, not wanting matrimonial property and taking S6….is she still planning for a half time in Switzerland and half at home which I think you talked about earlier? Or has it evolved into a full Switzerland escape?

Usually you choose your words with a lot of care, so I am surprised when I read that my W is moving forward. Is she  ? I can say for sure she is moving, but where ? From what I know, she told different things to different people : to me she said the half time plan and ongoing renting a studio appartment at border French side, to her lawyer she talked about full escape with S6 and eventually the daughters, to the daughters she told about looking for a job in S. To many people (our common friends and some of her close family) she said nothing at all. What is her real plan ? is there a plan with OM ? Is there ONE plan ? idk, but I can see already many contradictions btw the different "plans". And I see the escape plan is not something that she can speak openly to our friends, our acquaintances, or her patients. If she would do it, I would know it quickly I guess. Not my circus btw  .
And yes it is comfortable for me to have a lot of support here in THS, from few friends, and from my friend/lawyer. I forgot to write here that W's lawyer is "not pushy nor vindicative", a good sign according to my lawyer  . I guess it would be the case if I were described as an awful husband and father  ?

How are your kids reacting as her ‘plan’ starts to become a bit more real? I wouldn’t worry too much about the why when she increases or improves her level of interaction with the kids as long as it does not add to their distress. Whatever her reason is, most likely it will be a self serving one rather than a deep concern about the kids bc, well, MLC right?

The most important thing probably is how you will support your kids, and their own feelings and preferences, as things move forward so you can continue to be a safe and stable place for them regardless of what your wife chooses to do or not do. I hope you feel a little proud of how far you have come, my friend, bc you are coping remarkably well from what you post.

The children are reacting well, for the moment nothing is actually becoming real, and they don't see the changes in our life. The assumption of everybody, I guess, is that I will continue to be the stable person who is listening to the needs and wants in the house, for groceries, for the school and the outside activities & for the holidays. It is what I am doing already : e.g. last year I took 40+ days holidays with the children, including the 4 days holidays that W took with us, W took no holiday with children alone  . The children are already planning school and activities here next year and I make the registrations (as usual).

Thanks about your compliments, I am suspicious about my own pride because I know from experience that, when I am proud of myself, I am near to fail in overconfidence and to make mistakes that I regret bitterly. It is a bit like drinking too much of Felix Felicis  .

I agree that acknowledgement of your existence in the room could be a reasonable boundary. Including "How are you?" not so much because they do not care how you are and it may be better to just say, "I hope you are well."

It will probably work out in your favor to continue to refrain from warnings or lectures regarding S6 living arrangements. Let her find out after she has left the building that her plan required more planning. If she goes off to Switzerland without him it looks like abandonment and that will count against her. Do put S6´s passport in a safe place.

If she doesn´t care about the apartment, let her put it in writing so that you can continue the sale with no worries of backlash later.

Thank you very much for your advises. Yesterday I took S6's passport and changed the place, same for family civil status and family religious status books. Regarding W writing something about her wants and abandons, I can not see how I can make it happen. Maybe in case of formal separation agreement ? I will see how it goes and I will continue to play "active defense" : best plan to minimize losses IMO.