[Ichoosefaith]

And last, but not least, the daily living has changed greatly. She will always make sure she’s on a separate floor of the house, unless she’s boarded in her room with a door closed. She takes every precaution to avoid me as quickly as she can. If I’m coming down the stairs and she plans on going up, she will stay in the kitchen to determine which way I’m going at the bottom of the stairs so she can go the other way and avoid us crossing paths. Escaping avoid at it’s finest

The lack of empathy has never been a part of her personality, and I can tell which cycle she’s in when I see her face and I look at those eyes. They’re usually or used to be vibrant, full of color and most of the time, at least, in my presence, they’re dark Hollow and almost look like sharks eyes .

Both of these hit so close to home with me. My w moved out December 6th. But while she was living here she stayed in the room 24/7 avoiding me. I even brought it up that she didn’t come out at all on our d birthday and she replied”I stay in there to stay away from you”. Like avoiding me was more important than being there for our child. And I don’t get it. She can’t face me. Even a month living apart I haven’t seen her once. When we exchange kids she like hides so I can’t see her.

The second paragraph about the eyes. I have been saying this for a while and people don’t understand. I spent two decades with her and I don’t recognize her when I look at her eyes. Same thing she used to be so full of light and now they are black and cold and void of humanity. And it baffles me that no one else sees it.

I miss her so much but the person I love isn’t even there. Like I don’t know if that woman is still in there under it all or if she’s gone forever.   Our D is almost finalized and I am so lost. Like a bag in the wind. I spent my whole adult life being hers and planning and working toward a life together , I don’t know how to exist without that ya know.

Anyway im glad to see it’s not just me. That other people see it in their spouse eyes. It’s like looking at someone else entirely.

[amazinglove]

I have dead, shark eyes too! What IS that about?

[lost88]

Like everything w MLC it cycles - but the eyes and that hallow look. It’s very creepy like she’s possessed, empty, emotionless … Im not seeing them as often but I’m not seeing her as often. It’s the strangest and most painful thing a person can go thru …
She’s gone , lost, and hasn’t a clue what to do. It makes me sad that So many of us are in this situation … the escape and avoid has lessened a bit lately but who knows what tomorrow brings.
No one else see’s the shark eyes tho … it seems that’s for the person closest to them who they know they are hurting and doing wrong …like part of them shut down and go dead .. I’d love to get it on film ..No you’re not alone .. it’s day by day, step by step, and decision by decision.

[xyzcf]

Many here have seen  those eyes. Pictures can be quite telling. Even now, in pictures of our family together, my daughter and my eyes are bright and sparkling, his are "lifeless".

"Interpreting Depressed Eyes: The Window to the Soul
Depressed eyes can communicate a lot about an individual's mental health. It's crucial to remember, however, that these signs alone cannot confirm a diagnosis of depression. They can only hint at the possibility, and it's important to consider them alongside other symptoms.

Conveying Emotional Pain
Eyes have long been considered the "windows to the soul," reflecting an individual's innermost emotions. Depressed eyes may represent the emotional pain that the person is experiencing, showing a glimpse of the inner turmoil that they may not be expressing verbally."

https://www.grouporttherapy.com/blog/depressed-eyes

There is a lot of research about body language and what can be learned about someone. Another picture from our daughter's wedding, the 4 of us, three of us holding one another and smiling with delight...he is standing away from us, one hand over the other in front of his body, expressionless.

These are the physical manifestations that we see in MLC. They are real and can indicate depression.

There is a facebook site of people who have MLC spouses. I have seen others post pictures of their spouse in better times and now, and the thing most people are aware of are the eyes.

[FaithWalker]

I also saw this change with my MLCer.  And looking at him in photos after the D when I sometimes got a glimpse.

The most shocking for me was seeing my S23 (S15 at the time of BD).  I was looking at his school photos and there was a shocking difference to his two high school photos taken just 1 year apart.  I could see the pain in his eyes in the post BD photo.  He truly, truly believed that MLCer was divorcing both of us, and not just me.  (My S23 was MLCer's step-son but had been in his life since he was 9 months old and became his SD when he was 18 months old.)

[mcm64d]

I wish now I could see my xw's eyes. That would be very interesting.

Ichoose......you may have given me some insight on my xw stating, after seeing each other a handful of times after BD, that she couldn't be with me alone anymore without someone in the driveway. I couldn't figure that out at the time, but maybe that was her way of staying on her own room or floor.....I have never done anything to warrant such a statement.