[toomanytearss]

Just a little update. For those of you who are just starting down this crazy path. It is scary. And it will take time for you to find your way. But eventually you will find your way forward. And when you do I want you to believe in yourself. Trust yourself. Cheer yourself on.
When I started down this path I was starting over completely. I had left a very high paying career and was struggling to find a position in my field of work. Of course that is when bd happened and it was the absolute worst time financially for me.  I was so scared.
I took the first job that was offered to me just to have some income coming in because the mlc was not helping out financially. I was promoted quickly there but the pay was still not where I needed to be.
I ended up taking a position in a field I had never been involved with. I was drowning financially but I also needed stability for my d so I stuck it out. I am still in that field of work and have been promoted many times.
That led me to be able to purchase my own home 5 years ago. I am now purchasing another home with acreage so I can have my horses on my property.  My closing date is the 10th.
When I look back my life revolved around my kids and my mlc’r. Funny how I’ve soared since he left. It didn’t happen overnight and it wasn’t easy but I can guarantee you it wouldn’t have happened at all if he had stayed with me.
You will struggle to get through this. It will be painful and scary and carry its own set of disappointments.
But if you trust yourself and believe in yourself you will find a way through it to be able to live the life that you choose.
I can tell you this. My life, even with all the stress of being a one person show, my life is much happier and at ease than it was when I was married.

[sachertorte]

Fantastic story! Nothing more uplifting for me personally than an inspiring sister. Well done! And a lifelong source of confidence and hope for your daughter. Best wishes.

[FaithWalker]

So glad you've been able to move to a property where you can have your horses!

[toomanytearss]

The barn will be going up in the next 2 weeks!!!  My home that I was selling got an offer in the first 48 hours it was listed and the closing is Friday. I am very thankful!!!! 
The new place is great. And my horses will be home as soon as the barn is complete.

The x asked to put his camper on my property as I have an RV hookup. He’s only here a few times a year as he works in Alaska. It was no big deal to me and he took some time off from work to help with the final push of getting everything done for the sale. He’s also going to help me with the overseeing of the barn build. I am doing a pole barn and adding the stalls myself. So I’m glad to have the help.

The x has had a hard time finding his way. It’s also been a long time!   One step forward and then right back to his normal $h!te. I’ve kept my boundaries, I’ve tried to help, I’ve listened, I’ve been stern. Honestly you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.

So I just stopped. He is a very nervous person these days. He gets worked up over the smallest things. He was having a complete meltdown over helping me move my motorcycles and his tools. That’s what was left to do before closing. He just kept spinning around in a circle of how he was going to do it. What he should get first. If he should get help. On and on.

I didn’t fall into that trap this time. I just told him that is what he offered to do and however he decides to get it done is up to him.  And I walked away. And he figured it out without my input. I told him the same thing on the barn. He offered to be the one overseeing it because I’m working so much. He started spinning on that too. I just told him you know what my budget is and what I need and where I want it. I’m sure you’ll figure it out and if you don’t want to do it that’s fine.
He’s on it like crazy.

It was the cycle from when we were married. He’d want or offer to do something and then need tons of input from me and then complain when it was completed and blame me for the outcome.

It’s hard to break old habits. He actually thanked me for stepping off and leaving him to work through it. He said he doesn’t know why his mind spins like that but it does and he needs to deal with that and work through it when it happens.

He said it’s hard for him to get out of his own way sometimes. But he said he keeps working at it and he makes progress and he’s happy he just falls into old habits sometimes. Those are the hardest to break.

He has been more open and talkative about stuff. We don’t go too in depth anymore. Just the basics sometimes. I don’t care to live in the past anymore.

He has been trust worthy so there is that. As we were driving the other day he just reached over and grabbed my hand and told me he loved me very much and always had and always would and that he was very sorry. And he just kept driving and holding my hand and I just sat there holding his.

[FaithWalker]

The barn sounds lovely.  It will be so good to have your horses close.  You are doing great tmt!  I'm proud of you for walking away and letting him figure those things out!