[UrsaMajor]

I confronted her about the OM. To her credit she admitted she is spending time with “someone” and he is a good man and a devoted father.

She didn't have a lot of options did she considering that she got caught with her hand in the cookie jar? Reinvented has it spot on correct though... a "good man and devoted father" isn't about to go around dating a married woman.

I explained this was one of my boundaries and how hurt I was that I found out through local gossip. She said everyone knows we are separated and she had done nothing wrong. I said she agreed to tell me.

This is just her own way of justifying the affair which, as Reinventing also noted, has likely been going on for a while now.... Just now she got caught so the cards are on the table.

She has agreed to move to her parents on Saturday. I have gone to an Airbnb for a week as I just cannot be in the house with her knowing I was caring for our kids when she was dating someone.

Here is something that I have to say I disagree with you on. She wants out, SHE should have gone to the Airbnb NOT you.....

I am deeply hurt that her parents knew and did not tell me. But I do get they have to support her.

No, they do not HAVE to. No one is putting a gun to their head and telling them they have to enable her behaviour. This is also their choice. They may feel as if they have no choice though in order to not be put with you into the camp of the "enemy." Unfortunately, it seems that they don't have sufficient moral fortitude to call a spade a spade..... or they have been so thoroughly convinced by her lies that they believe her.... or they have their heads init eh sand and choose not to see reality.

It is so hard that some random gets a go but i don’t. Nothing I can do.

Sorry to be so brutally blunt here but he's not some random schmuck - he is a predator that has found some vulnerable woman that he can get some off of for a while. Once the novelty wears off and she becomes more interested in an LTR/pressing for a commitment of some sort, he'll likely move on.  This is also a pattern we've seen here.... Bottom line though, he is a bottom-feeder picking off the low-hanging fruit.... We don't call them an "Affair Down" for nothing.

I do regret staying as long as I have but I hope this is a path to healing.

This is one step on the path to healing.....

[Helpnewc]

Thanks all. I agree, bottom feeder.
And I also agree about her parents. They supported me until they got monstered out of it and she wore them out.
I don’t believe anything she says about timeline. She lies and lies but there is no point challenging the narrative.
I am enjoying my week alone. I just cannot be in the house with her right now.

And I don’t regret the snoop that discovered no pjs in her over night bag. It has moved me forward.

[Helpnewc]

The lies, the selfishness and the unkindness is so strange. There is nothing logical going on. There is just emotion and craziness.

I let myself down a bit with a bit of text bombardment yesterday. It may have been closure in a way making it clear that this was her choice and not my fault. In the beginning, I too all the blame but I know that was wrong.

Anyway, we tell the kids on Friday. She is being difficult about parenting orders but I will stick to my proposal. It is just so tiring.

[Helpnewc]

So it is done. I asked to pause the divorce and try but she refused.

We told the girls. She did not stick to what we agreed so I was forced to correct her so they knew mum did not want to be married to dad.

The girls are obviously upset but will be ok. I do wish I had not laboured for 20 months when the ending was inevitable from when she refused to work on the marriage.

Just so sad to see the chaos of her leaving with garbage bags to go to her parents. I tried my best.

At this stage, I get the girls 5 nights a fortnight but hopefully I can get that to 6. She has no money. I have no idea why because I paid for everything. Not my problem.


She took the cat. I pick up a new one tomorrow. The girls will meet her on Wednesday.


I will be lonely but it will be better than living with someone who treats you badly.

[marvin4242]

I am so sorry to read your update. I don’t think anything anyone says can change or capture how you feel. I remember when similar moment came for me a wise person on another forum simply said “all this time you were falling, now you have arrived. Be kind to yourself and find your footing.”

[JohnnyBravo]

The girls are obviously upset but will be ok. I do wish I had not laboured for 20 months when the ending was inevitable from when she refused to work on the marriage.

Sorry to hear about this, Helpnewc, but don't beat yourself up over fighting for what you believe in. We all do the best we can, and you can move forward knowing you did everything you could.

JB

[Standing Strong]

Very sorry to hear this update HNC.......

I hope you are very gentle with yourself for a good long while.

-SS

[Helpnewc]

Thanks all. I fought the fight. You can’t bring the truth back with enablers and poor counselling.

Just going to be the best dad I can be.

[Helpnewc]

It is hard. She does not have my daughters contact me.

It just firms my resolve about access. It is all I can do.

[Helpnewc]

Girls are good.
That is as much contact as I get with my daughters when she has them. It is not easy.

But I had them for two nights this week and it went well. I was upset at school drop off and my oldest daughter said don’t be sad dad we will see you soon.

But 6 days is a long time. I am keeping myself busy. I am also realising that I will have to push for equal custody.


She denies she is angry at me. But everyone observes she is full of rage. There can be no healing without insight into yourself so I just push on.

I did replace the cat and that was wise. Cocoa is very popular with my daughters.

There is just so much pain. The most interesting part is how you get used to it.