[Biscuit]

I've ended up doing a load of music events and dance music nights on my own since BD - it's been brilliant - I've met so many new people at them - and some I keep meeting up with at events and now arrange to go to stuff with them too now.....

[Nas]

I think it’s fantastic that you went to Brazil. Life is too short to wait to live it - if you have the ability and means to do something you want, you should do it. I do stuff on my own when it’s something that looks interesting to me, local ballet, museums (just saw a very cool sci-fi show), local theater. Always end up finding people to talk to as well. I guess I’ve had practice though because I’ve been going to poetry readings by myself for decades because there’s no one who ever wants to go to those with me lol.

[Baxter1]

The silver lining (if there is one) is that I can go wherever I want. I’m working on getting all the US states and Canadian provinces. This is something we did when we were dating but it kinda fell off when the kids were born. I do miss the companionship but sometimes it’s ok to do your own thing.

[mcm64d]

Today has been a very sad start of the day. My stay in Brazil will be coming to an end Wednesday. It’s has been very nice and met a really nice person  to share time with. She is extremely nice.

But then comes the reality that we will need to go separate ways. It has been nothing but friendship but it has been nice for the few days we spent together.

Just received a text from my lawyer…. He has to call my wife’a lawyer again as she has no responded to his inquiries as to why I am still married. Maybe this is normal but all I want now is for it to be over. Seems a little illogical and quite frankly crazy but like I said, maybe it’s normal.

Hoping everyone is doing ok.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

It’s has been very nice and met a really nice person  to share time with. She is extremely nice.

Congratulations on having the opportunity to confirm that none of this is about you. Go home and celebrate that you are worthy of love. This is where detaching begins. It's not that you are actively seeking a relationship, but you are moving forward with living and socializing without her. What are you going to do? Sit and sulk by yourself? Is that living?

I am glad that you had a great time in Brazil.  In March, I am going to Greece. 2025 seems a far ways off, but time seems to fly.

Just received a text from my lawyer…. He has to call my wife’a lawyer again as she has no responded to his inquiries as to why I am still married.

This is one of the most frustrating aspects of MLC and divorce. It took me two years of sending, filing, and going to court to separate the retirement plan. Mind you, all of this work benefited her as it was my retirement. I had to have the judge sign the document on her behalf. Hours of work simply because she wouldn't sign the document and return it to me. I had to do this work because if something had happened to either one of us, the entire retirement would have had to go through probate. That would have been far more costly than my work.

Than after all the work and the paperwork is done, she sends me a text thanking me. Wow, just wow. I hope you can get the documents done. Divorce is a truly sad affair and the faster you get through the process, the better.

Have an awesome day!

(((Ready)))

[mcm64d]

Ready.....March is now right around the corner:)

Journaling....

My divorce was finally finalized mid-August. Never did find out why she had delayed to process so long as I have not reached out since I am guessing February. Could be wrong on that but it doesn't really matter.

Some of the bad, then on to the good. I see my wife's birthday all the time. Whether it is the time, the time in a game, or in the most bizarre thing my phone seems to have an issue with me:). Not only does it insist to pop up with a set of pictures I took on vacation on my ex-wife's birthday on my "home page" (I took pictures everyday, why only on this day it decides to remind me to look at them I have no idea), but it also added pictures from my former life with her. I delete all pictures upon this mess, but a month or so ago I went into my pictures and there were a handful that I have never seen, including her with a huge smile on her face holding a bottle of champagne celebrating moving into the house we bought. Not bad considering according to her there was nothing good out of our 15 year relationship....

And her grandmom keeps in touch periodically. On one such occasion she decided to tell me my ex-wife is doing "ok" and still misses her mom who passed away three years ago (and what I imagine kicked off this whole MLC). I had to set the boundary that although I love my ex-wife very much I really do not want to hear anything about her. I know grandma was only being nice, but the last thing I need to here is that my wife is pregnant or getting married or anything like that.

I think about her everyday regardless of these events. And I struggle with the "ex-wife" concept. Still is my wife in my head. Still 100% certain she will be back. Not sure if this is good or bad, but I have been thinking about reaching out before the holidays just to text "hi, I hope you're doing well and that I love you." The only thing stopping me is a potential reply. If I were assured that she appreciated my gesture and would not reply at all, I would do it. But when I think this through, I don't think any reply would be good. That's strange to me, but that's what it is right now.

Now to the good..........

I still have not been angry about this ever. I don't think at this rate I ever will. And that's ok. I forgive. I love her. Always will. And I am quasi- standing. That may not be a thing, but, like I said earlier, I am 100% certain she will be back in my life, but I am not waiting around. Although I am not actively dating at the moment, if I happen to meet someone that interests me, I will ask her out.

I have been able to see that this is not my fault, that my ex-wife has serious issues right now. (My therapist, although obviously not able to diagnose, agrees there is something severely wrong from what I have told her- which is everything I know). I am not a blameless victim here. So I have been focusing on fixing my flaws. Low self-esteem is high on my list:).

I have lost 70 pounds since last June and my doctor was amazed on how far I've come in such a short period of time.

Took up yoga, joined the YMCA, and volunteer at the local farmer's market every Saturday morning. Applied to be an evening mentor to adult ESL students. My alcohol consumption has decreased significantly. Thanksgiving is not nearly as sad as last year. I will still be alone, but I practice gratitude everyday, and there is so much to be grateful for. So it comes down to a family dinner I will miss. But there will be plenty in the future, so its ok.

Continuously looking to eliminate fear and doubt. I use affirmations occasionally, but I think to myself everyday what a great person I am in every way. All these things are lifelong endeavors, but it had to start somewhere.

I feel so much less pressure at work and I am a lot more patient and compassionate with those who I do not necessarily get along with.

And yes, I do wish my wife was here to see these changes and I really do wish I had done this sooner. But I didn't and that's ok, because I have forgiven myself for the past.

Maybe I should reach out to her....I don't know.

For all of my American friends out there, have a great Thanksgiving. If you are going to be alone, just know that I am alone with you (its a great thing to share:) )

And to all of you, I wish you nothing but the best. For me- I am looking for the unconditional love and understanding I so fully deserve. I wish that for you as well!!

[Flummoxed]

Way to go, mcm64d! Congrats on all of those life shifts- it sounds like you're living a much more aligned and contended life and that's beautiful to hear. Also wishing you a fabulous Thanksgiving- I won't necessarily be alone as I will have a furry friend visiting but sending you positive and festive vibes! And wishing you the very best as well. As we continue to provide ourselves with that unconditional love and understanding, we will surely receive it from likeminded people in due time.

[Baxter1]

MCM-

I love this update. Sounds like you are doing well. I think quasi-standing is definitely a thing. Your standing, not standing around waiting but also you have the door opened a crack if she decides to try to open it. Also good for you for not having anger and still having love. No MLCer asks for MLC, Larry Bilotta says it’s like this was injected into their brain when they are kids, they didn’t ask for it. No one asks for family or origin issues, they are just forced to endure whatever trauma they went through in life. Good luck!

[mcm64d]

Hi F.
Thank you for your well wishes. I too have a furry family member to spend the time with.

Hi B.
Thank you for your kind thoughts. I wish Larry had the way to extract it from their brains .

There will always be a part of me questioning how much of this was MLC and how much was me. EVERYONE I have spoken to about this has told me that of course I had some responsibility (and I did!), but this was using a bulldozer to remove a few specks of dirt.

Cannot wait until I get to where I want to be. There will always be more to do, just don't know what that will be. Kinda exciting tbh!!