[FaithWalker]

Hang in there mcm.  Maybe our support can be like water into that basin that lifts that little turtle to the top and out of his depression bowl.

For now, with the little bit of water pouring into the bowl, "just keep swimming, just keep swimming!"

[mcm64d]

5 month anniversary of this mess. The house supposedly sells next Friday. Then all there is to do is wait for the divorce decree.

Someone has to be telling my cell this is not right. Somebody has to have some sense in this world. I know she can’t be feeling good about this. There just is now way she could.

The house and the belongings were never important to me- the relationship was. But it’s now another stage of this stupidity- bye bye house. Haven’t been there for two months and will not go back, but still another piece of me that will be officially gone. I worked so hard to get there. Working full time and going to college basically full time to make a better life for us.

I worked so hard so she didn’t have to. I worked too hard to let it go because of this. It’s not fair but fair doesn’t exist. And yet for as bad as a psycho time bomb she says I am, I haven’t gotten mad. I haven’t shown up at her apartment looking to get her back or raging at her. I do not reach out (since Christmas and before that very rarely).

Someone close to her has to know that this is wrong. It won’t accomplish much, but someone…..

[Reinventing]

Mcm64d, each step of change, separating, is hard, hard, hard. The house us particularly hard.

Know that most people having affairs call their partner a psycho, or something to that affect. It's hard not to internalize and have to defend yourself with their name calling. Just know that it is very typical of people having affairs (and therefore MLCers).

There isn't a thread of truth to it.

[Treasur]

WE know, if it helps.
For everyone else, including her, let it go. Some people won’t know, some will believe things that aren’t true, most won’t care that much bc they are busy worrying about their own lives. But your own real tribe, your kind of people, people who really know who you are, will know and be cheering you on as you move forward and rebuild.

None of this is fair. And we lose a lot in the process. That’s true. I am very sorry that the losses probably feel like they are coming thick and fast right now. Keep going - it will get easier and there is a different life worth having on the other side.

[mcm64d]

I never really thought she was having an affair, but it really doesn't matter. In fact, it may make this all more palatable if she were having an affair.

But very interesting that people having affairs lash out like that. Never really would have thought that.

And thank you everyone for your kind words. It will and has been in fact, getting better.

The notary came to my apartment this morning to get most of the paperwork signed for the sale of the house Friday. A bizarre experience, They rang the intercom and said "your notary team are here". Didn't know I had a team, did you? Neither did I. And would have never thought it would take a team.

Tow of them came in, with masks on, sat down and got to business. One never spoke, just kept making copies/ scanning things. The other a nice lady with a thick accent. Took everything I had to understand her for the accent and mask combined were formidable. She shoved papers at me, I read them, signed them, returned them. Then she shoved a folder my way with copies of everything I signed. And off they went.

Less than 5 minutes. That's all it takes I guess. 5 months and 5 minutes. (There's more to go before sale of the house thru docusign, but I am being dramatic for the effect of how I feel).

In a way, I surprised divorce is taking this long. In another, it seems like senseless destruction is so much quicker than the hard work it took to build a sensible life.

[mcm64d]

and I meant to ask....

Does anyone have good websites outlining both first hand experience of an MLCer? I know there is a post on here under the newbies section, but was looking for additional sources. It may help me understand all of this a little better. Thanks!!

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

I am not aware of any deep resources regarding the MLCer except that while in the midst of everything going so wrong, it felt so right. I often post that most of the MLCers actions are based upon feeling, it feels right. Anyone that attempts to dissuade or keep them from feeling "good" is discarded as quickly as the LBSer. Kids, family, and friends are all easy sacrifices for this new life. The new life that makes them feel alive.

In a way, I surprised divorce is taking this long. In another, it seems like senseless destruction is so much quicker than the hard work it took to build a sensible life.

I had the same feeling when I signed the decree and scanned it over. All the work we did in getting married and going and getting the license and planning our wedding. Building our home and having babies and watching them grow up. All over with a quick signature. Just really sad. However, this is not about you, the marriage, or the color of the car she owns. Something triggered some mechanism in her identity to have this desire for complete change. I wish I had the magic formula, a spell to cast, or a playbook to follow, but there isn't one. We have guidelines to follow, but just like every LBSer is different, so is each MLCer and that complicates things a lot.

So don't focus on the MLCer because it doesn't do anything and she doesn't want your help anyway. Focus on you and your recovery. That is under your control and enables you to regain your own sense of self. Four or five months in seems long and trust me, I was in complete panic and desperation during this time, but it does get better. The tears are good and will help you heal.

Have a great day and be good to yourself,

(((Ready)))

[WHY]

I often post that most of the MLCers actions are based upon feeling, it feels right.

I don’t know about this.  I’ve read some of the fog stories and the MLCers say they knew the difference between right and wrong.   And they went down the wrong path anyway.   And wasn’t it Acorn or someone posted in the last two weeks about a recon story where her H said that he knew he was making a big mistake but did it anyway??

It seems like they know it’s wrong and probably a mistake.  But they’re so compelled to pursue their new life and escape and avoid, that they feel they have no choice, or they’ll die. 

[Helpnewc]

I agree.

There is just the urge to run and nothing rational going on.
So many describe feeling they are in a movie.

But there is just nothing you can do.

[FrenchHusband]

I often post that most of the MLCers actions are based upon feeling, it feels right.

I don’t know about this.  I’ve read some of the fog stories and the MLCers say they knew the difference between right and wrong.   And they went down the wrong path anyway.   And wasn’t it Acorn or someone posted in the last two weeks about a recon story where her H said that he knew he was making a big mistake but did it anyway??

It seems like they know it’s wrong and probably a mistake.  But they’re so compelled to pursue their new life and escape and avoid, that they feel they have no choice, or they’ll die.

I agree with what you write. Songandance wrote something similar here

Regarding Acorn's post, maybe you are thinking about these wise words ?