[xyzcf]

It is hard in situations like this. I have found though that friends are more than willing to help.

The after effects of the anesthetic is why they want you to have someone take you home and preferably stay with you after. After a dental surgery, I was happily chatting away saying all the things I was going to do when I got home. The dentist and my friend  were like "no, not going to happen". I fell asleep when I got home and didn't wake up until 11 PM. I have no idea if I had fed my dog or let her out, I fed her again anyway and as a Lab, she didn't mind.

The same dentist told me a story of a lady who went home and ordered $5000 worth of stuff from the shopping channel. She had no recollection of doing this until the stuff started to be delivered to her door.

Everyone responds differently to these drugs.

I find it difficult to ask people for help. Someone once said to me, how do you feel when you are able to help someone? I responded, I feel good. They said, then why would you deny someone the chance to feel good?

I hope you find someone Johnny. If you lived close by, I'd be happy to take you.

[mcm64d]

I will be having the same issue later this year JB. I would do Cologuard or whatever it is, but sending a box like that just seems so wrong.

i used to work at UPS in a previous life and I saw what those conveyor belts can do to packages when they jam. And then there's the poor driver. I cvan only imagine what he thinks when he sees the package......sorry I will have to stop here though I am smiling a bit....always good for the soul that!!

[mcm64d]

In a little more than 5 months.......5 months and one week. The house sold yesterday. Money wired in the bank. A purely empty feeling. I actually felt bad for the house being alone and empty. I know I am projecting a bit, but I did. A great house!!! I was very poor growing up. When I met my xw, I knew she was the one pretty early in the relationship. Put myself through the grind of college and CPA exams to build a better life for us.

It was where she felt like "a princess" and she told me so many times. I was so damn proud of what I accomplished, especially since I was able to provide that kind of feeling in someone else.

I told her I would find an employer that would help pay for college and I did. I told her I would kill it and I graduated first in my class while working full-time. She thought these things were amazing. I told her we'd have a great house and that we were in it together. And we were. And when she quit her job to go back to school only to later drop out, I was the ultimate of supportive. And now she looks back at our life together and says she can't find much good in it. And that its all my fault. The things she mentioned were mostly before all that life-changing "amazing" things I had done.

And then I feel bad for the buyers. We had a closing in person right before COVID. Something to really look forward to. Yesterday, it was an email. House sold. Kind of sad for them. But they are getting a great house!!!

I live right around the corner from that house. Thankfully, I do not have to go past it to get anywhere. I don't think I will ever be able to see it again. That pride has turned to sorrow. I will miss snow shoveling, lawn mowing, DIY projects that I was never all that good at . I will miss Lowe's.

And as I type my eyes are welling up. I think about that woman everyday, often for long periods of time. Thankfully, its my busy time of year at work, so I can get away from it for a while now. I refuse to be resentful. I forgive. Life is better for me that way. Easier that way.

I have no doubt that she will return. None. And I haven't heard from her since around Christmas time.I pray for strength and guidance and I am leaving all that in his hands. My therapist asks why/ how am I so certain and I don't have the answer. She then asks what will I do when she does return and I don't have that answer either.

A few others I have spoken to think I'd be crazy to even think about taking her back if that chance presented itself. After all the damage she has done.

And I don't have that answer. But I do know love doesn't just end. Marriage means something to me. Unless adultery (which is forgivable) or physical abuse I don't believe there is a reason for divorce. Richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, til death do us part. I meant every single word.

Sorry I went well off the path of talking about selling my house there. Guess it needed to come out.

Thanjs for listening.

[Helpnewc]

It is good to let things out.

I had that certainty for so long. Sometimes I still do but I am at peace either way.

I love my wife. She does not love me. It is very hard. And it is ok to cry.

The not remembering anything good is part of the narrative required to exit. It does not make it true but it is very hard for the LBS.

Keep busy. Exercise. Sleep and eat. You are early in the marathon.

[UrsaMajor]

The thing is that, if they DO come back, have they actually done the work needed to get healthy from what caused the MLC in the first place? If yes, wonderful! If not, then the LBS is setting themselves up for a 2nd round of pain...

We (the LBS's) are worth more than being a back-up plan if the new MLC Life doesn't work out for them....

[Reinventing]

mcm64d, the tenacity and practical planning skills you showed--finding an employer who paid for college, working and finishing your degree, getting your hours in, passing the CPA exam,, getting a good paying job, buying the house--will serve you well now.

Selling the house is a hard part of this. Use those same skills to focus on you and your healing. It will help you feel better, step by step.

[FaithWalker]

mcm64d, the tenacity and practical planning skills you showed--finding an employer who paid for college, working and finishing your degree, getting your hours in, passing the CPA exam,, getting a good paying job, buying the house--will serve you well now.

Selling the house is a hard part of this. Use those same skills to focus on you and your healing. It will help you feel better, step by step.

I second this!

[mcm64d]

Thank you for the kind words.

Been swamped at work which is a good thing....

Called my county office yesterday to see where this divorce is in process. Apparently there needs to be an additional filing before divorce is final. Not sure what they are waiting on. Just want to move on already.

Been in contact with a friend I hadn't spoken to in a little while. Told her my xw has now disappeared and that it was a blessing. Her response- what did you expect, her to divorce you and keep in contact? And then she went on saying how unlike my xw this is as she is so usually level-headed. I am honestly dumb-founded.

Why is it people find the need to attack during all of this? Haven't I been through enough?

But it also stirred up how my xw claimed she still wanted to be friends because we have been for 15 years, why throw that away? Yeah well......

[JohnnyBravo]

Hey, mcm

How've you been doing?

[mcm64d]

Thanks for checking JB.

I am ok. Really busy at work with year-end financial statements for both US and International and our audit. I have been putting in extra hours, so by the time I am done work I have no interest in looking at another computer screen.

At the 6 month mark Monday. I did hear from my stbxw Monday. A relatively pleasant text asking me about the cat, of course with no salutation whatsoever for me,  where to send the check for the sale of our assets (I am shocked!!) that within the same text became the sewer company contacted her about payment of the sewer bill and is there anything else she should know about?.....

Why I responded I will never know but I did and told her that they were to mail me the final bill and that since she ask, I called the county the week before asking for a copy of the divorce decree and they informed me that the process needed some kind of final filing, so if she and her lawyer did not already do so to please do this.

Her response was a picture of the email from the sewer company. (As if I did not believe her) and saying that $202 was owed. I simply replied pay it and move on. I figure she will call and have them send it to me.

She then went on about how her and her lawyer had all of this process completed since October 9 (not true, but why argue?) and that she is confused why this is not done. I guess since the sale of the house almost a month ago, she got her money and that was for her the end. I responded not my problem.

To which she said apparently this is your problem since this is not final. I guess she wants me to do the work to get this final. My final response was you wanted divorce and that I was happy (reasonably after the way she had been acting coming up to BD) being married. Haven't heard a response.

When will I learn to not respond? Probably never

I have my sad moments. Last night after therapy, I was a mess. She supposes my wife simply fell out of love. Which I guess happens, but why all the nasty, cold, mean, often immature, actions, thoughts, words and texts? Why the flip-flopping on feelings? Or any of the other antics?

And I would almost prefer it to be MLC- the result is basically the same but at least I am loveable

And Jurgen Klopp announced he is leaving Liverpool Football Club at the end of this season. Liverpool has brought me so much joy, especially this season with all that has been going on. I just feel like its losing a good friend as silly as this sounds.


Otherwise, I have missed all of you and promise to be back soon. In fact, I am trying to promise myself not to work this weekend as it is supposed to be nice and I am getting tired.

Hoping everyone is as good as they can be through all of this.

Thank you JB!! Hoping all is as well as it can be!!