[Atari25]

Some days are not all that great. Yesterday was one of them. Very sad over how things ended. I am almost a year into this. I guess these days will continue to happen for a while, maybe forever. Who knows?

They may never go away.

I generally have a couple of bad days a week. It's hard to know why. Sometimes it's obvious, I heard something about my wife or saw a picture of her on Instagram living her "new life" without us. Other days there is no reason, just a lot of depression, rejection or just worry about my future. Hate those days, I just want them to go away but they linger and weight on my energy.

What is not ok is when I realize how grateful I am for everything I have yet wish that my wife, the person I knew, would still be here now. That would be marvelous....

I still hope for my wife to come back. I always wish she would come back. I know she loves me but I also know she cannot love me in her current state. If and when that changes I don't know but like you, I can't date and think of being with someone else. I'm no where near ready for that.

[mcm64d]

I am sorry you are going through this Atari.

If it makes you laugh- great!!!: I am not on social media at all but my phone every so often makes the suggestion to open a file my wife made for me called "Pet Friends". So at least your own cell phone isn't after you

[Baxter1]

I’m going to join Atari in the ‘not wanting to date’ club. It’s been 17 months and my friends are telling me to put myself out there….in still married! Even if we get D I still don’t think I’ll be ready. After 25 years how do you just get back into it? I have zero % interest in any of that at this point.

[mcm64d]

Baxter-
I am still "married" as well. In fact, my lawyer has no explanation on what the delay is in my divorce. The whole thing is turning very strange.

As far as dating- no need to feel as though you have to or not have to. After all you've been through, the very least you deserve is to do things at your comfort and pace looking out for number one- you.

[Helpnewc]

It is so strange. Loving someone who has treated you so badly and longing for them. The certainty you love someone but they are equally certain you are the cause of their unhappiness and life is better without you.

Even when it is pretty apparent it is not. But acceptance is important.

I could deal with it better as I was not constantly confronted with my kids pain. And her desperate desire to say they are ok to avoid accountability.

But I do love her. Or the her that was. Perhaps that is the problem. That person has left the building.


But dating. Over 2 years in and I am glad I have not damaged other people by putting myself out there. Who knows if I will. Pretty low on the list.

[mcm64d]

Help,

The FORMER person they were, and probably still are deep below the awful, festering, bubbling cauldron of the way they present themselves is the key phrase.

It is perfectly ok to love them. In fact, I would think something were wrong if we didn't. All that being said, there is no right or wrong way to handle these feelings. Having these feelings is fact, but the facts may not support these feelings, and that too is ok. I believe in due time these two ideas will be back in equilibrium either with our former spouses or another partner, and definitely within ourselves. The latter is key but all of this is solely my opinion.

Some days are better than others. Hoping this is one of the better days for us all!!

[Biscuit]

MCM and Help,

I'm 2 1/2 years into this journey and have felt no desire to date or step outside my relationship with W as yet. I'm not really sure if that will ever come tbh, definitely not for a long time.

I also have friends who have urged me to get back on the dating scene - they are for the best part I think - well meaning. I think many think that is maybe the ultimate goal of healing from a very messy break up - to have a new relationship. I actually cant think of a worse way to heal from what we've been though - I like you guys would feel like I'm bringing all my $h!te to something new. And that is no way to start anything in life.

Take your time guys!

B x

[Atari25]

I am sorry you are going through this Atari.
If it makes you laugh- great!!!: I am not on social media at all but my phone every so often makes the suggestion to open a file my wife made for me called "Pet Friends". So at least your own cell phone isn't after you

Social media is good an bad for sure. Maybe you're on to something!

It is so strange. Loving someone who has treated you so badly and longing for them. The certainty you love someone but they are equally certain you are the cause of their unhappiness and life is better without you.

My wife treated me horribly for months before she left. So ungrateful and unkind.

I always have to remind myself that I miss the woman she used to be not the woman she was when she left. I really do love that woman from 2 years ago, I always will. I look at pictures of us from then and the tears flow fast.

I’m going to join Atari in the ‘not wanting to date’ club. It’s been 17 months and my friends are telling me to put myself out there….in still married! Even if we get D I still don’t think I’ll be ready. After 25 years how do you just get back into it? I have zero % interest in any of that at this point.

Still married, both my kids are at home right now and I agree, how do I even get into it after 25++ years?

I see people and their wives holding hands and being affectionate and I miss that so much, but it's a long haul to get there. I think I am still too damaged to even think about starting again. I'm not 20, just that driven by just sex anymore.

[mcm64d]

Just a little journaling…. At the airport. I had decided to treat myself to a vacation to Brazil. And while I’m excited to go and relax, I keep having those thoughts of when I used to travel for work and my wife being there when I got home making sure I had everything I needed and was comfortable.
That and the fact that I had to board the cat at the vet is upsetting me. Missing that person who was supposed to care no matter what happens. That one person on earth. But this too shall pass.

[Atari25]

Just a little journaling…. At the airport. I had decided to treat myself to a vacation to Brazil. And while I’m excited to go and relax, I keep having those thoughts of when I used to travel for work and my wife being there when I got home making sure I had everything I needed and was comfortable.
That and the fact that I had to board the cat at the vet is upsetting me. Missing that person who was supposed to care no matter what happens. That one person on earth. But this too shall pass.

It sucks for use. I miss companionship more than anything. Wife was always with me on trips.

I see 2-3 concerts we would have gone to this summer, I don't have anyone else that would want to go.