[Anoi]

I am very sorry.
Is he intending to file? Or is he expecting you to do so?
I would encourage you strongly to take legal advice asap bc understanding the legal and financial implications for you where you live can make a big difference for you on the other side of this.
That won’t remove your hurt and shock but it is important to give you the best options for how you move forward from here.
Please don’t let any of his words touch you deeply right now. People say things in this kind of situation that are unkind and unfair; it doesn’t mean their opinion about you is the truth. I’m sure you are not perfect - who is? - but this is a situation he has created and chosen, not you, and it is not your failing but his. That can be hard to remember when you are hurting and if they are blaming you, but it’s important to try.
But I am very sorry.

I have no idea what he intendeds, because i said it straight to his face i am not signing those papers, it's his divorce and i am in no way helping him have it.

I consulted the loyer early on after BD, pretty mych my best option is to settle. I am in no dhape to satlle or sign or mive on.

Well i for the the most hurting was when he said that he will never be with me, no matter what i change or crisis ends. He was very sure. Not even i glimpse of hope. Makes me feel like an idiot to have some...

He went today to work and wrote to me that he is sorry for yesterday and everything and he is truly sorry. It's nuce, but empty words that will not change a thing.
He asked if we can still be friends after, a told him i don't want such friends...
Holding on. Will get better  step by step.
Though i knew it, i snooped their discussion and it was just a matter of time, it still hard to accept  especially that it will never be...

[Anoi]

So sorry Anoi - although we all know, one way or another, that the marriage we knew died at BD, the word 'divorce' is still a shock. Such a hard severing. I get it. I wish there was a magic formula for not getting emotionally triggered by someone else's crisis.

I am mean awful person, our marriage was a mistake from the start.

If he tells himself this then he is not the mean and awful person doing all this.

He is very sorry for hurting me.

Thus, if you were such a 'mean and awful person' he would not be sorry for hurting your, right?  Here we see the confusing waffle of the crisis person.

Remember your earlier comment - he is the drowning man. Keep swimming toward your healing.

Well yesterday i guesse i was mean, i just talked about what i think about his OW, lies to me and everyone else, his lavk of desire to even hide it a bit, everyday he puts it straight to my face for months and denies that EA is cheating. So i got pissed off and told him who i really think he is and that i am profoundly disappointed in him.
Today i took my wedding ring off. I don't want to be mattied to this guy anymore. It's just hard to figure out whats next for me in my life, but i think we are done. During this time i thought a lot about valid points that he did about our marriage and how we are different as people. And though i disagree with that those reason necessary should lead to divorce, i k now that he is less than 50% of what i would like to in in my man. So a long road ahead  for now i am completely smashed

[Anoi]

Oh, btw,  he doesn't think he has an MLC, he says he does, but it's something else in his head either than what it is. And marriage problems are not connected to it.
Another wonderful news that EA is not cheating! He admits openly that he is in love with other woman, spends time with her, buys presents for her little kid, but nooo, he doesn't cheat:))))

[Anoi]

Lol, yeah. When he is filing? He is not in a hurry and not filing for now.
I can still stay at home
He just got mad because i demanded definitive answer ( i didn't, he discussed it with OW so i pushed to hear) so he said how he feels in this moment.
He said many angry things that he regrets.

And i said i am not sure i want to be with him anymore and that i would much rather prefer to stay away from him while the crisis is in, but we don't have this option for now. And that i am not signing any papers, cause i still believe in our marriage.
So it was a good calm talk. I guess i got much bolder  in what i am saying to him. I pointed out many things in our marriage that had not been worked at on his side and yeah i was honest when i said i have no idea if any of us will want it or if he is right and we should go our separate ways.
He demanded to have no time limitations on his OW thing and i said whatever, cause honestly - whatever. After the whole divorce talk i am past that idiotic relationship and my jealousy about them. I still hate it, i just can't change it or fight it.
I have my own very uncomfortable questions to him in this marriage and a lot of work to do, to be able to actually get out.
It really hurt me when he said we had nothing in common so i called him out on this bs. Don't know why... just because it did hurt, i freaking participated in his every interest and hobby. He didn't in mine. Who should say we have nothing in common, him? Really? No way! So he apologized for some things.
All of it doesn't matter, moving on, just journaling.

[Anoi]

Today is one of those days when i want to run. I honestly envy those who could move out or kick their husband out. I don't see anything in him except of a lying, cheating boring idiot. My moods change but in general now that is an idea of who i am living with.
I am unsuccessful for now in my efforts to find a job.
I have major problem with my ankle+ this week H had to call ambulance for me, though everything went well and i spent only several hours there and this problem i can deal with much easier than my ankle.
I am lonely, depressed and lost. I lost all hope for reconciliation, because there are two people in this house now who don't want it at all.
H started to ask me if i am okey, apparently no matter how hard i try to fake smile my real mood shows through the mask.
I try to tell myself that i will work through this, find a job, move out and forget that he ever existed, will be happy again. But as for now i am nowhere near it, i have some bad days.
H working hard for his future new wife, stopped smoking weed ( though he says it's a pause), tries to eat healthier and now tries to quit smoking. The problem is, when he does it for well known reasons it doesn't make me happy instead it just irritates me and tells me i should run away from this "new" him as fast as possible.
After our last talk he started to be a little bit closer in terms of physical contact, but again i couldn't care less, cause its just a phase of the show i don't want to be a part of.
I am Very bored whith him - nothing to talk about, nothing in common. He wasn't very interesting to start with, but now, with no sense of humor and constantly inside his head he became really really boring.
Instead of trying to be open he changed his password everywhere and hid his vast porn collection. Just puts the mask on and plays it nice.
I just want to get away and i want to cry, because it's over. There was one person in this marriage who wanted it, but now it's truly done.
Yeah i can't say that i have apathy towards him, that will take time. For now it's pure hate and resentment.
Just journaling and looking for my way out. I will find it. I hate waiting and unfortunately major life changes take time, but at least i do what depends on me.
He mentioned in our last talk that "he could have her", so i guess that is what he is waiting for and hoping for, that she will surrender and they will be together. Well good luck to them both, they worth each other.
Also i would really like to start daiting, but i understand that for now i am so deeply hurt that i will just ruin anything good that will come my way. Just not ready yet, hopefully soon.

[Happylight]

I'm so sorry you feel so badly.  I understand wanting to run--the trap of being the "responsible one."  Maybe the detachment will help with some of the pain.  Try to do something for yourself.  A walk, a bath, a coffee, a pedicure, something.  Do you have any support at all?  My biggest support has been in an unexpected place.  My elderly neighbor lost her husband the week before bomb drop.  I have known her for 16 years as a neighbor, but didn't know her well. I felt badly for her and started asking her to walk with me.  I ended up sharing with her, and it turns out her husband had a MLC and affair --she stood for her marriage and they were married for 20 more years.  She has helped so much--so keep an eye for the angels that are not who you think they might be.

[Anoi]

I'm so sorry you feel so badly.  I understand wanting to run--the trap of being the "responsible one."  Maybe the detachment will help with some of the pain.  Try to do something for yourself.  A walk, a bath, a coffee, a pedicure, something.  Do you have any support at all?  My biggest support has been in an unexpected place.  My elderly neighbor lost her husband the week before bomb drop.  I have known her for 16 years as a neighbor, but didn't know her well. I felt badly for her and started asking her to walk with me.  I ended up sharing with her, and it turns out her husband had a MLC and affair --she stood for her marriage and they were married for 20 more years.  She has helped so much--so keep an eye for the angels that are not who you think they might be.

I have support, but it seems there is never enough support to keep me above the water. I actually got a deep mlc understanding from a person who i never thought of. She ended up divorced with two kids on her hands, but she said right away that she is sorry for me and understands me, we taljed a bit about it and she clearly does understand what i am going through. You are right it's surprising how we find understanding in unexpected people and don't find it, where we thought it would be.

[Anoi]

It's been only 7 years that i live in the world, where i am not independent at all, the rest of my life i could do pretty much anything i wanted and i was secure about the food on my table and the roof over my head.
Now i am not. I can't return where i came from ( war) and i libe in a country where even dishwasher needs 3 years of experience to have a job, cause pay chacks are very high, so everyone around this country is looking for a job here.
I am not the person that likes to sit and wait, i prefer to act and everything is sooo slow in here that i just feel nyself a prisoner not only in my own home, but in my everyday life in general.
It's been quite a bad time in my life since autumn, BD followed and now it's a total mess with health issues on top, sometimes i just feel cursed, it seems as soon as i try to lift my head up another thing knockes me down.
Still i am fighting through it, as i can.
It's such a nice weather here now and my head is filled with projects and i can't do anything plus i got a cold on top of it. Just a little thing but life just keeps on giving me lemons...
I am very sad because i understand that my current view of our relationship and my feelings are totally what my husband was working for since before BD, he just wants me to believe that this marriage is over and that we are wrong for each other and he shows it to me in all the ways possible... and i started to believe it is so. I hate that he succeeded and i failed to show him, that it is worth saving.

[Anoi]

I guess it's too early to say i am done, but i took my ring of in front of him, i said i want a divorce and i said i feel like in prison in my own life. I had a huuuge hysteric...but actually all of that is true.
I feel very sad for our relationship before BD, i feel sad that all the work i'v done which led me to my dream life turned into nightmare.
But.
There is no way back from what he did and said. There is no way back to regain the trust.
He faked for more than a year that everything is fine.
He doesn't love me and never wants to be with me again. It's the decision he took while i was away.
And for me it's good enough reason to move forward and count this relationship as a biggest mistake in my life.
So nothing is done, but something definitely finished.

[Anoi]

Those days were a little bit crazy. My H was in an incredibly bad depressive mood since our talk. He is completely in his head, he barely talks with me and ofc there is no physical contact. We became strangers living under one roof for real.
Maybe it's because he didn't see his fantasy woman for several days, though. Today he will, so hopefully his mood will be a little bit better.
Me... i made a huge mistake of registering myself in tinder. I don't even know is it healing or is it damaging? Even was on one date, nice guy, but no future there...have a couple more dates, but it seems to me sometimes that i have nothing to propose to those gentlemens... love and care is not enough, stable income and overal good life situation is what interests most, not to mention ideal beauty.
But at the same time it's kind of fun to just go out, recieve some complements, spend time with someone else... so as i said it's healing and it's damaging.
Next week will be very busy, i continue to try everyday to re-establish my life and do whatever is necessary to achieve something stable. At least i just don't lay down and cry it's already a good thing:)