[Reinventing]

It will pass. You'll bounce back faster and faster with time.

You won't always feel this way. It does get better.

[Anoi]

It will pass. You'll bounce back faster and faster with time.

You won't always feel this way. It does get better.

Everyone around me says i will. And me, i know i will.
I know it's a process and not a pleasant one.
Thank you so much for your support!

[Anoi]

Despite the fight and his awkward way back yesterday to fix things ( he just made everything possible to stay around and play together, though i was pretty much crying and he saw that), H apparently found his way back to the good mood, invited a friend for next weekend ( was not ready mentally to see him in almost all January).
For him it became a surprise that i can actually  move out as soon as the week after next. I thought his good mood is connected to him finally being free of me, but apparently it's something separate.
Me - i want to run away. I have very hard time staying around him, i don't like his way of smoothing things out, i don't like this egoistic self centered person that he is, i don't like being taken for granted , like i should behave well, so that his majesty doesn't get sad.
I am in pain, i cry a couple of times a day, i love him and i hate him at the same time. And i just want him to leave me alone cause all he did is brought pain to my life. I know im gonna miss home and probably him, but i am counting the days...I so want to finally be able to ignore him and talk only when i want to. And being surrounded by ppl who actually care about me and not only about themselves.
I want to feel happy again. And i Don't believe that the persone who says that he will "resolve ea situation in his own way, still seeing her 3 days a week" will resolve $h!te in a month or a year. I Don't believe him at all, he is just the same lost broken guy i married and it was my mistake to think that he changed even a bit.
I want to start to heal but it's not possible around his majesty, he takes all the space.

[Anoi]

Oh those crazy mood swings... i'v been on the up side all day and totally fell apart after a little nap.
Husband seems to be still in his okey mood.
But today i discovered 2 new feelings. First that physical contact with him sometimes is not pleasant at all now, because he doesn't respond or didn't respond before and i start to distance myself because of all the previous times.
And second that i am very very tired of all that madness. I think tonight is the first time that i felt that i just want to be loved, huged, happy, have productive family plans and not all of this bs and mlc...
I know i am not ready in any way to start new relationship, but family life is a beautiful thing, when it works... i hope he will miss it someday, or i will find it someday somewhere...

[Ready2Transform]

You're healing. It SUCKS. Be totally validated in that. But you're taking so many steps to move forward, to observe how you feel without trying to push through anything, which will help it all process without resistance. In time, there's going to totally be something wonderful on the other side of this.

There's a girl I follow on Instagram (https://www.instagram.com/thedilemmasofemma/) who is documenting her process after infidelity and divorce, and I just adore her attitude about giving "main character energy." She's so young, but also has reflected at times the fear that she's too old now to have a family or a home again. She's not that much younger than I was at BD, and I remember having those feelings. But I can tell you truthfully that you can keep yourself stuck (which I have at times) and you can forge a path forward on your own terms (which I have also done). This is going to be a chapter, standing or not - but not the whole book. Big hugs, and good on you for letting your feelings do the work they need to.

[Anoi]

But I can tell you truthfully that you can keep yourself stuck (which I have at times) and you can forge a path forward on your own terms (which I have also done). This is going to be a chapter, standing or not - but not the whole book. Big hugs, and good on you for letting your feelings do the work they need to.

Thank you so much. I keep telling myself it's gonna get better, it's just a period in my life, i overcame so much, i will overcome this.
Ofc there are many moments of fear and hurt and doubts, so i let myself cry it out, cause locking something so intense inside is just not healthy.
I know i don't see anyway forward with H for now, because he is a pure MLC madness right now, but...

[Anoi]

Good news - i finished my last buisness here and depart to another country 12 of February.
Husband showed a little bit of anxiety and guilt about that, said he finally realizes it's something that is really happening and trying to find another way in his head but....
On that point i told him , Nooo, it's the right choice, you need your time alone, you told me, so it's all good honey, i might be sad, but we definitely should do it, it will be good for you.
On our way back from meeting he shared some of his plans for separation with me, and yes, Hello MLC! Sooo - eating healthier, exercising, will try to smoke less weed and stop smoking at all, hopes that learned through the years to take better care of himself. Wonderfull, just wonderful. I said i fully support all his plans!
And in my head is just one thought - you are preparing yourself for that new beautiful life with EA or whomever, trying to run as fast from death as possible. Before he was already doing classic mlc, but now he is just on top of his performance:)
I could barely hide my sarcastic laugh..things ppl do for love...and out of fear of death.
After that wonderful speach he bought himself some fast food:))) i refused to buy any, cause i'v been eating healthy several months already and lost 18kg  and i am not doing it for him, i am doing it for me and i know i will continue doing it without him.

[UrsaMajor]

Like Reinventing said, the painful parts will pass.... Maybe like a Kidney stone but they will pass over time.

You saw how much weight his words hold (eat healthier by rewarding himself with fast food?) over time.....

How do you know when n MLC'er is blowing smoke up your butt, aka lying? Their lips are moving... The thing is that they really believe themselves at that particular moment in time... Just that, 2 seconds later, they change their minds....

i refused to buy any, cause i'v been eating healthy several months already and lost 18kg  and i am not doing it for him, i am doing it for me and i know i will continue doing it without him.

Good for you! Take care of your own needs first and let him take care of his how ever he chooses to do so....

[Anoi]

Like Reinventing said, the painful parts will pass.... Maybe like a Kidney stone but they will pass over time.

You saw how much weight his words hold (eat healthier by rewarding himself with fast food?) over time.....

How do you know when n MLC'er is blowing smoke up your butt, aka lying? Their lips are moving... The thing is that they really believe themselves at that particular moment in time... Just that, 2 seconds later, they change their minds....

i refused to buy any, cause i'v been eating healthy several months already and lost 18kg  and i am not doing it for him, i am doing it for me and i know i will continue doing it without him.

Good for you! Take care of your own needs first and let him take care of his how ever he chooses to do so....

Well i really hope some parts of him stay the way they were and he will not make me go through a hellish divorce with hurting him a looot.
But tou are right on the point, he wants calm and friendly atmosphere at home, but escapes every time he can, to his room.
He doesn't want divorce and hopes for our relationship and thats why he kicks me out of our home.
He accepted that EA will never be real, still he spends as much time as possible with her and makes plans to be better, not for him or me, for her i bet.
He is doing only the things he wants to do, or those that i demand strongly, but he says how he cares about me.
He lives in his own reality, that doesn't have to do anything with a real world, where he is ashamed that he is ruining our family and tells ppl "we made a decision to separate". Lol, he just can't tell that he kick his wife out of the house because he is in mlc and fantasies about his EA.
All of it is blahblahblah and his choice to continue it, or stop it.
Started to participate more in house cleaning and stuff to learn, how to do it on his own:) 44 years old... how to use laundry machine. Lol.
At least i am one step further, i know how to use it and how to be happy.

[UrsaMajor]

My MLCxW still (at the age of 54) admits that she can't cook (which she can't) and doesn't know how to clean a toilet (she hires a cleaning person to come in a couple times a month to clean her flat).....

<smh>