[Gonnamakeit]

Journaling:

Past two moths have been interesting. H continues to work on himself. I have just been sitting back and observing and trying to do my thing. H has been all over the map cycling again. My birthday was this month and he bought me a lovely thoughtful gift and we had a lovely day. At the end of it he just said he wished he could have made it better. I reiterated how perfect it was (cause it was ideal) but he was still down on himself although it was a perfect day. Tough to watch him feel so low on himself.

I have seen swings all over the map again. One day he was super happy and chatting like he use to and used….FULL SENTENCES!!! Not just single word responses. It was so nice to see. But then on a different day he was spewing rhetoric  that I know does not align with his core values. It really is weird to watch and I now think I understand what Heartsblessings meant when they described the “three faces of eve”.

He recently has acknowledged all the external things he has been trying are not working. Perhaps he is realizing finally that  external distractions are not a solution?

As for me I had a few days of feeling challenged by everything but I stepped back and refocused on me. Lots of summer adventures and just doing my thing.

Anyways, chugging along and being that guiding light….i might flicker at times but I keep remembering to burn brighter