[LC]

Thank you Flummoxed ☺️ The video was helpful. It’s nice knowing what causes the trembling and that it’s perfectly normal and actually means progress is being made.  I slso gound useful the technique of focusing on a part of the body that feels pain free, instead of the part of the body that hurts. I find it helpful yo help recalibrate my nervous system in response to grief and trauma.
OffRoad and UrsaMajor,
It seems to me that people pleasing appears to be a common trait amongst LBS children.  My kids probably picked that up from me. I’m starting to learn that not helping is actually more helpful, in the long run. Hopefully, over time my kids will understand this concept and act accordingly.
xyzcf, it’s hard to see them suffer.  S28 is here for Thanksgiving today and he doesn’t say much to me.  He thought the world of his Dad and was deeply troubled by his behavior.  I think he is deeply conflicted and I think he struggles with us being at odds with one another, rather than being a unified parental unit.

Three weeks ago H and all the kids went out to dinner.  He told them he was spending Thanksgiving with his friends.  Since then, he has skipped having the 3 youngest over and doesn’t answer their texts.  This has been difficult for them. The other kids try to help distract them by taking them skating and to the movies.  S14 asks me why Dad doesn’t answer his messages. I don’t have an answer I can give him. 
We got a new kitty, recently. Hes a gray tabby. The kids just adore Smokey.  Pets are such good therapy. He keeps D12 busy😊
Today the kids are all here for Thanksgiving and we have friends staying here for a few days.  It’s our first Thanksgiving without H.
I feel that if we can get through this first year, the next one might not be so difficult.

That’s all for now.
I hope y’all are having a good week. Thanks for listening.

[Flummoxed]

Oh my goodness, Smokey! What a sweetheart- congrats on the new little member of the family! That’s my hope too; that the first holiday season will be the toughest. Have a lovely Thanksgiving!

[LC]

Flummoxed

We ended up having a lovely evening together. We watched a movie after dinner and we all stayed up until 3am playing games together 😊
D20’s friend has been staying with us and working to save up money for school.  It was wonderful to see how the kids all came together to make this boy feel welcome and included in our family. This certainly was a different Thanksgiving, but in so many ways, a better one.  The focus wasn’t on what we were missing. The focus was on helping someone else. 

[Flummoxed]

Aw, LC, that’s so beautiful! It truly sounds like you all had a wonderful holiday. Playing until 3 AM is amazing- the sign of a truly fun night! 💗

[Baxter1]

LC-

I think it does get ‘easier’ (none of this is easy by any stretch of the imagination) as time goes on. Our first Thanksgiving after BD she texted me and said she’s taking the kids to her sisters and that I can spend time with them on Friday. This year we had a regular Thanksgiving, with turkey and all the fixins. We decorated the tree and it was like old times. I would imagine that as they go through the tunnel they slow down a bit and you see glimpses of the old them. All of this takes time and after 21 months we’re no where near the finish line but every day gets us closer. I’m glad you had a good thanksgiving and good luck with the new cat!

[Flummoxed]

Thanks for sharing, Baxter1! Glad to hear you had a great Thanksgiving as well! These messages of hope are lovely to hear; progress is being made through the tunnel, however slowly it may be.

[LC]

Thanks so much Flummoxed for encouraging me to focus on the positive things happening.  I have been feeling a bit down at times, but everything happening has been good!  Just different, which is better than last Thanksgiving 😀

Baxter1,  thank you for encouraging me to be patient. Your story and your patience encourages me. It might take awhile, but it will gradually get better. Even if it happens in a different way than I would expect.

I do worry about the kids and how they are hurting, but also growing more resilient and compassionate towards some of their friends going through similar situations to ours. 

Hugs to you both!