[Bb13]

Thank you for contributing WHY. I’m so new and trying to piece my life back together. Like someone said above, I guess the ‘label’ is irrelevant. He’s done what he’s done. And I honestly don’t understand why. He’s in search of a life that I thought he already had and was happy with.  Now he’s back living with his mum, which is apparently preferable than coming home to his family, such a kick in the teeth!!

I can’t believe some of the LBS have been  so patient for so long. I’m not even 4 months in and it feels like forever!!

[Treasur]

The only opinion imho that matters about his ‘offer’ is yours.

Do whatever you feel - or will feel - makes your life feel easier, more peaceful and less chaotic. Trust your own gut instinct. Don’t feel you have to decide now. And don’t feel that whatever you decide has to be set in stone bc it’s also ok to change your mind.

And if you don’t want that ‘mummy and daddy’ ornament hanging around any longer, throw it away again in the outside bin. Your home, your nursery, your preferences, right? No words or explanation needed.

[Biscuit]

BB13,

It's amazing that your mum will be at the birth, and has been there before, what a great support!

I'd echo Treasur's advice, do whatever feels right and comfortable for you in these situations, if you don't want your H at the birth, or hospital, or at your home after the new arrival is here then make that clear. And you can change your mind at any time in the process.

I'm sure you'll post again before the birth, but I hope it goes well. You've got a little army of people here that are behind you, who've been in similar $h!tety situations and can offer good advice. I'm not one of the wise ones here but I'm cheering you on all the same!

[Bb13]

Thank you biscuit. Now I know how this works, do I add to to this thread or start a new one if I have other questions etc??

[Evermore]

Thank you biscuit. Now I know how this works, do I add to to this thread or start a new one if I have other questions etc??

Hi Bb13

You just keep using this thread to journal and ask questions until you get to 150 total posts.

Sorry you needed to find us, but glad you did. It’s a good place.

[Bb13]

Hi everyone,
So I had to go to hospital this morning to have baby monitored and told my H. He was very worried, asked if I wanted him to come to hospital etc. anyway, me and baby are fine,

The weird bit comes after. He text and asked if I wanted to meet him for a coffee to “discuss”. So I said I could meet him at work but he insisted on going out for coffee. So we met.

It was lovely. If it was a “date”, I’d have said it was a very nice date and I’d see him again lol. We didn’t really discuss anything (2 mins about baby!) the rest was general chit chat.

He was showing me something on his phone and he got a message from his friend (who is also a single dad!! I do not like him as he seems to be his new friend in the last year or so!) and the message said “where is she taking you?” Well my mind went into  overdrive as it’s H’s birthday next week and he mentioned he was away with work tomorrow (although when I asked him about it,  where he’s going and what he’s doing rolled off the tongue and he does have a site where he’s going!) anyway I said “I think I’ve seen something I shouldn’t have”, and gave him his phone back. He looked and said “mikes talking about you as I told him we were meeting up”. So then I said “would you tell me if you were seeing someone?” And he said “yes, course. But I’m not interested in seeing anyone else”.

Thoughts?? This is off the back of 2 weeks of coming to the house more to do BBQs, building baby furniture, staying for family film nights etc.

I’d say we had a lovely date/not date, smiling, laughing, eye contact. I had a snippet of old OLD H and not just H since Xmas!

Trying not to look into it too much but…

Is there a chance he just thinks I’m okay and getting over it and therefore eases his guilt??

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

He was showing me something on his phone and he got a message from his friend (who is also a single dad!! I do not like him as he seems to be his new friend in the last year or so!) and the message said “where is she taking you?” Well my mind went into  overdrive as it’s H’s birthday next week and he mentioned he was away with work tomorrow (although when I asked him about it,  where he’s going and what he’s doing rolled off the tongue and he does have a site where he’s going!) anyway I said “I think I’ve seen something I shouldn’t have”, and gave him his phone back.

My guy reaction is that he isn't seeing someone else. First of all, he wasn't being protective of his phone. Also, when you spoke to him about it, he didn't monster and scream about his privacy. He's not playing the pick me dance with you or he would make sure you knew that there was someone else.

I am never 100% sure and MLCers lie and then lie some more, but it is often to suck you into their drama to maintain a connection. He's not doing that.

I will write more when I have the time to give you my impression, but it seems his crisis is an internal one and he is more of a wallower and not outwardly seeking attention to relieve his anxiety.

Have a great evening,

(((Ready)))

[Bb13]

Update: I spoke to his mum today. She’s such a manipulative person. Shes never liked me and told me I’d never take her son away from her on my wedding day…ANYWAY lol. My H has taken my kids away camping for a few days (that was tough!) so she’s chosen today to call me. She’s had 16 weeks but whatever.

I can see what he’s living with and the poison she must be drip feeding him. She asked me “how could you ever want him back after what he’s put you through?” And “it would be too much work if you were to get back together”. But the worst thing she said was “I’ve not seen him as happy as he is in years” so essentially saying now he’s not with me, he’s happy again.

That. Really. Hurt.

[amazinglove]

Sorry to be obtuse but what is a WAS? i know what MLC is but not that one!

[WHY]

Update: I spoke to his mum today. She’s such a manipulative person. Shes never liked me and told me I’d never take her son away from her on my wedding day…ANYWAY lol. My H has taken my kids away camping for a few days (that was tough!) so she’s chosen today to call me. She’s had 16 weeks but whatever.

I can see what he’s living with and the poison she must be drip feeding him. She asked me “how could you ever want him back after what he’s put you through?” And “it would be too much work if you were to get back together”. But the worst thing she said was “I’ve not seen him as happy as he is in years” so essentially saying now he’s not with me, he’s happy again.

That. Really. Hurt.

Urrgh please be careful with this.  I would genuinely not say a word to her.  Just say its between you and H and you appreciate her calling.  If she persists.  Just say you have nothing else to say on the matter and say goodbye. 

I've had my own share of in law issues.  I could see your MIL leading you with these questions, then turning around and telling your H that YOU said "“you could never take H back after what he’s put you through and it would be too much work to get back together” etc.  Driving the wedge further. 

Just avoid and dont engage.  Nothing good comes of it.