[AllieKat]

I loved the book but yes that was the one thing I didn’t find maybe true! Just wasn’t sure what other who read it felt! Its such a complicated thing MLC. I had no idea till Im living it this existed and if someone had said mid life crisis I would of assumed middle aged man getting sports car and gf. Not that that isn't right for many or some but its so mych deeper than that. Yet my therapist all but told me its not really a thing like I explained. She said it wouldnt cause him to leave me after 20 + years and etc. 🙄 she isn't my therapist any longer.

[AllieKat]

What who is RCR? My apologies for not knowing!

[Reinventing]

Rollercoaster rider. She started this whole website and community.

[AllieKat]

Thank you!!!

[AllieKat]

I have not wrote recently! But today I am. My mlcer passed away today at 46 in a car accident on the way to see AP.

I am numb because he wouldn’t talk to me since he left and was going through with divorce! It was like I meant nothing. Two months ago he got a AP! A single mom of 3 and divorced and 10 years younger. I took that so hard but knew it so common but wasn’t sure if it 19 mths after leaving was still AP? I still figured he was in MLC but now I wonder not that it matters because hes gone and I will never get answers.  AP knew before me apparently because she was tracking him on find my iPhone shocked that he did that 2 mths in. But 🤷🏻‍♀️ He was speeding and hit tractor trailer. My daughter is devasted too as she just talked to him for an hour. And he apparently sounded very happy and was excited about his new gf. I am so numb because Ive been grieving him for almost 2 years since he left so its hard to even acknowledge hes gone gone! Our divorce wasnt final so my praying it would not happen has come true but at losing him all over again! I need advice, or something.

[UrsaMajor]

I don't think that there is much advice that one can give you in this situation - just comfort and support. This is a situation that I have (in all the time I have been here on HS) yet to come across that the Mid-Lifer is killed while in the middle of the Crisis. Some have gotten ill and passed on but an accident like this? There are more than a few anecdotes about MLC'ers driving like maniacs and having accidents but I don't recall one where the Midlifer was killed.

If there is ANY advice that I could offer, it would be to get advice from a legal professional ASAP. Since the divorce (as I understand it) was not yet final, you are technically still married and the rights you (and your daughter) have to any inheritance/insurance/etc., will need to be clarified like yesterday. His AP may have some claims to things assuming that the Mid-Lifer actually made specific arrangements but, knowing the usual trajectory of the Crisis, that is not very likely. Any documentation (wills, deeds, etc.) are likely to be very useful to you

I am sorry that your daughter's dad has been ripped out of her life in such an abrupt way and I am sorry that you may now find yourself having to make funeral arrangements and all that kind of stuff as the "next of kin."

{{{{{{{{HUG}}}}}}}}

UM

[AllieKat]

Its terrible I will never have answers, wont get chance to reconcile or talk to him and everything i know of lately was he was happy with new person. Now im doubting mlc and everything only thing is we will remain married not divorced! Its so sad and he was all alone

[JohnnyBravo]

So sorry to hear about this, Allie. I can only echo Ursa's words and support. Don't avoid grieving, but maybe having specific tasks to focus on will help get you through.

(((hugs))) too.

JB

[marvin4242]

I am so sorry to hear, this has to be shocking at so many levels. Even before the MLC, before having to deal with divorce it is the shock of the sudden loss, even if he was not immediately in your life.

Please right now just be very gentle and kind to yourself, there is so much going on. You don't have to figure anything out right now, you just have to get through the shock and get all the support you can get from friends and family. A lot of things may come back up, as you asked yourself questioning what happened, why, you may even feel you are going through all this all over again.

Just try to get through the next few days. Can you get some mental health professiona support to try to get some footing?

[Treasur]

I am very sorry for your loss, Allie, for you and your daughter. I imagine that you must be in a state of complete shock and I would echo what others have said about taking one day at a time. And to get some support if you feel able as you navigate what will be a complicated set of feelings. It will take some time but it will not always feel exactly how it does today. Imho grief sort of twists and turns and evolves as it goes.

If it is any small comfort at all, your questions are normal and understandable but many of us here - even the few who eventually reconciled - rarely get answers. I suppose we sort of find a way to sift through them, find our own answers and our own way of making sense of both the good and bad in our relationship with another human whose mind we can’t read. But this is a big shocking awful thing to have happened and I am so very sorry.