[LC]

(((((((((((((Allie))))))))))))))!
There are no words. I am crying with you as I write this.

One thought occurred to me is to make sure to tell your Mortgage company what happened, they will probably work with you, given your circumstances. 

I’m praying for you 🤲

[AllieKat]

Im just rambling I need to vent! Im sad, mad, cheated, scared, worried all that and feel very alone. My daughter has been more on his side but because after he left and filed my wonderful mother decided to tell things I had rather stay quiet. Basically I am a liar! I was not honest with my daughter or husband about my ex and a pregnancy with him. I never felt the need to divulge my past relationship history to my daughter but I wasn’t completely honest with my husband either. I didn’t tell either of them dirty details of my leaving that ex (daughters bio dad) because I wasn’t proud of what I put up with or a lie I told. So he didn’t find out till my my disclosed it after he already filed. So that made mlc worse I feel snd him hate me. And my daughter doesn’t trust me. Fast forward so the almost 21 mths hes been gone 18 of those shes been distant with me. I basically lost my spouse and her around same time. Shes only texting me now because he  passed. But she has told me she thinks she needs to have his remains till they go to cemetery because he would of wanted it that way. She said you were all going through a divorce and he was ready and wanting it to be over!! 


From that point I get it but she cant see he was going through a crisis! At first yes she was shocked and even was telling me he was eating fruit something he hated but than when my mom told her my past all things shifted whatever behavior he was doing was looked past because i was bigger villain. If told her he was in crisis she would just say “whatever he seems fine you haven’t even talked to him in all these months” so him getting AP 2 mths ago she just sees as hes happy finally happy after leaving!! There isn’t anything i can do to try to have her see it my way hes gone! No closure or answers. But under her believing he was done and waiting for divorce I understand why she would want possession of everything. It just hard because If I say no it further destroys our relationship which is fragile if i give them to her I miss out on what I think is closure for me to have the ashes till tbey go to cemetery. I don’t think splitting them is an option as she wants control over all his stuff.

I was lonely before missing him but i lived off of hope he'd wake up and come back sometime. Sorry for ramblings I need to vent a d don’t have anyone to vent to. Only one of his friends even called to express he was sorry to me. I suppose because everyone knew he was divorcing me. Plus he vented pretty nasty about me

[LC]

I’m listening…

[AllieKat]

I feel like i don’t belong at funeral or anything because true when he died he wasn’t wanting anything to do with me. But we had all those years of love. I understand ppl don’t know and see what I did its just so hard feeling like he passed hating me and wanting the divorce done. Also have his AP of 2 mths! A girl ten years younger than himi feel like she’s getting more respect as a girlfriend of 2 mths. Because he seemed finally happy!! Its just so frustrating . I hoped to have a sign he didn’t hate me or he was ok now but i feel empty nothing else. In almost two years since he left he has these friends he didn’t have been that he was sooo close too. Mostly women and im like wtf. I mean he talked about coworkers but he certainly wasn’t texting them and their best friends when we were together. Its just weird to me. Like he had a completely different life after me

[xyzcf]

I am so sorry Allie. Regardless of having a divorce in process, this man was still a big part of your life and his leaving was not your choice.
And so he is gone.  This is a hard thing to wrap your head around…. And will take time. If you feel that you do not have people to support you, see if you can find a grief support group. Also, I agree with Ursa. About finding out where you stand legally. You may be entitled to social security benefits at some point.
Take very good care of yourself. I hope your daughter will reconnect with you.

[AllieKat]

Thank you all! I have a lawyer coming to house tomorrow because of accident husband was in! Apparently because he was in work vehicle there are some things to consider! I seeing pictures of hubby while we were separated that are to me showing mlc, not that it matters now. It seems he was very big on covering his bald head lately most odd was a dress ball black cap recently at a funeral and a beanie in July at an outdoor fair. Yet only I think its mlc everyone else thinks he was just done being married to me and moved on !! Ugh

[OffRoad]

I am very sorry for your loss. You had every right to attend the funeral.

Give your D time. It's sad if you are unable to lean on each other, but if I have learned anything it's that you can't control other people.

Everyone is happy in a new relationship that is going well. You can't really hang your hat on that. Instead, work on being kinder to yourself. No your mother should not have told anyone anything about you, but you are not that person anymore. Be kind to you. None of this was your fault.

The best of luck to you. I hope you can it all sorted.