[FaithWalker]

It is so bizarre isn't it?  My H's behavior after BD was also bizarre.  Definitely some actions he did were in direct conflict with his other actions of filing for a divorce.  He didn't seem to understand that he had fired me as a wife.

[Tailspin]

It is so bizarre isn't it?  My H's behavior after BD was also bizarre.  Definitely some actions he did were in direct conflict with his other actions of filing for a divorce.  He didn't seem to understand that he had fired me as a wife.

FW, it really is bazaar.  My wife used to say "We will be divorced but we can still do holidays and vacations together as a family".  Meanwhile she doesn't speak with me or even acknowledge me.  I look back at this sometimes and laugh.  What a world to be living in. 

[UrsaMajor]

It is so bizarre isn't it?  My H's behavior after BD was also bizarre.  Definitely some actions he did were in direct conflict with his other actions of filing for a divorce.  He didn't seem to understand that he had fired me as a wife.

FW, it really is bazaar.  My wife used to say "We will be divorced but we can still do holidays and vacations together as a family". 

I got that too ( "Oh we can be a big happy family on vacations and holidays and such but we'll just be divorced" - like on WHAT planet is this even a thing?) plus requests to come and help her with things in her new apartment I mean, seriously? Like FW said - "Lady, you fired me from the H job so you'll need to find someone else to do those jobs...."  Entitled much lately?

[Tailspin]

Some journaling. 
So my wife secretly found a new place to live and now is pressuring me to accelerate the divorce because she needs cash.  She actually told her lawyer that it's hard to live in the house together and very stressful.  Meanwhile she's partying every weekend, having an affair, sneaking off, and not speaking AT ALL to me.  Makes me laugh honesty.  I told her she can leave whenever she wants and that I am taking my time to make sure I'm protected.  I said she can move any time she wants. 
I told my lawyer if she wants out she has to remove the my car insurance from her car because I am not assuming her risk as she boozes up a lot lately and stays out to the wee hours.  I don't want the liability.  This annoyed my wife.  Sorry, you don't write the rules.
Her desperation to leave is driving her anger more and more.  Everything is lie now and even my kids see it.  The other day she stormed out and said she needed to go to the store for laundry detergent.  There was a full bottle when I checked downstairs.  She just had to go talk to the OM.  Sad part for her is that he is not leaving his wife, and I really think she doesn't see it. 
People, when people on this site say don't believe anything they say you really need to accept that.  I can honestly say I don't know any truth in her anymore. 

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

So my wife secretly found a new place to live and now is pressuring me to accelerate the divorce because she needs cash.  She actually told her lawyer that it's hard to live in the house together and very stressful.

Yes, you can tell your own lawyer that maybe why she is so stressed is due to the heavy drinking and spending a lot of time with a married man. All that sneaking around sure is stressful.

I told my lawyer if she wants out she has to remove the my car insurance from her car because I am not assuming her risk as she boozes up a lot lately and stays out to the wee hours.

Absolutely, you don't want your name on the title or on the insurance. You maybe on the hook if something happens. As soon as I paid off my son's car, I had my name removed from the title.

Yes, there lies become an issue and soon everyone sees it.

Sad part for her is that he is not leaving his wife, and I really think she doesn't see it.
People, when people on this site say don't believe anything they say you really need to accept that.  I can honestly say I don't know any truth in her anymore.

He sounds like such a great guy, a true keeper, a man of high virtues and a family man to sport.

Yes, it is unbelievable what they say and even more so in their actions as well.

Let her run and focus on you and your family. You are doing an awesome job. Remember the divorce is all business. Treat it as such and don't give anything that you don't have to give. It's her choice and she needs to deal with the consequences. Therefore, no soft landing.

Have an awesome day!

(((Ready)))

[Tailspin]

I was waiting for my daughter to get out of practice and she was really late.  So I started looking back at all the texts and emails from my wife in the weeks before bomb drop.  We are approaching the 1 year mark.  What I saw was really a text book lesson in MLC progression.  I had seen at first a person who admitted they felt weird about things lately but wanted to saw she still loved me and cherished our family.  Then then a few weeks later I saw a confusion about how she felt about life and she didn't want to feel that way.  Then I saw anger building until bomb drop.  There was an openness about everything at first and then this slide to total hate.  It broke my heart reliving all that.  I know I shouldn't do that and relive in the past.  My present situation is living with someone who truly hates my guts but doesn't say why.
Sorry to vent.  Just trying to get my own life back in order with the divorce proceedings, looking now for a 2nd job to start after the finalization, and dealing with 2 kids who are not understanding any of this.  I was a digit away from dialing the OM's wife the other day and tell her all about her dirtbag husbands antics and I decided not to.  Hearts Blessing page was right.  That's my wife's problem.  God sees everything. 

[MadLuv]

I may be in the minority on this, but I did the same. You want to try and make sense of it all and so you do what you can.  I also think you have to see it for what it is and sometimes that is looking back and actually seeing its through a different perspective. You have to feel the pain also to get to the other side.  That is something the MLCer doesn't do and why they are where they are.

[Tailspin]

  I also think you have to see it for what it is and sometimes that is looking back and actually seeing its through a different perspective. You have to feel the pain also to get to the other side.  That is something the MLCer doesn't do and why they are where they are.

I agree.  I make it a good 2 weeks getting stronger then I feel this immense sorrow and pain again.   It gets easier each time but sometimes the weight of it all really destroys me.  My marriage is ending in the coming months and I will be left only seeing my kids half time.  Just feels heavy. 

[FrenchHusband]

I may be in the minority on this, but I did the same. You want to try and make sense of it all and so you do what you can.  I also think you have to see it for what it is and sometimes that is looking back and actually seeing its through a different perspective. You have to feel the pain also to get to the other side.  That is something the MLCer doesn't do and why they are where they are.

If you are in the minority on this, I am in too  . Relive the past can become an issue if it becomes an obsession, but to do it one time or two is right IMO. In the first phase after BD we are broken, our world is shattered and we don't understand what happens. So we need to understand, even if it breaks our heart. Only after understanding we can accept the new reality IMHO.

@Tailspin : the detachment you are feeling is slow and steady. There will be ups and downs again, sure, but you are in the good way. You will continue to feel better and get stronger like we did.

[Tailspin]

@ French and MADLUV

I feel better knowing I'm not the only one who goes back to look at what happened.  Like FH said I guess as long as it doesn't consume you.  Steady progress forward isn't without pain.  My journey has been teaching me this.  I guess what really kills me is the seething anger I feel every day from the person who once meant the world to me.  I look back to see the wife who was once there but I can't see past the monster she became.  I know deep down in her she's a good person.  I know this is not the person I married.  Everything she once stood firmly against are now things she does. The lies, cheating, stealing, and anger towards faith are things I never thought I would see with her.   Her family has reached out to me asking why she is distant with them and I just tell them the truth.  I don't know. She only is friendly with folks who encourage the bad behavior.