[forthetrees]

Maybe science helps: https://www.psu.edu/news/research/story/closeness-dads-may-play-special-role-how-kids-weather-adolescence

https://understandingteenagers.com.au/the-dad-factor-why-teenagers-need-dads/

[Helpnewc]

Thanks very much.

The research is very clear but nothing rational is going ton. My girls know I want to see them more.

I will just will have to get through it.

[Helpnewc]

The transformation is complete.

My girls both have COVID. They normally would want to be with mum. I said they could stay if they were unwell. She said they were well.

Of course, when I picked them up they are quite ill. But seeing her boyfriend was more important.

The old loving mum I knew would never have done this. It is shocking but consistent with everything I read here.

[UrsaMajor]

The transformation is complete.

My girls both have COVID. They normally would want to be with mum. I said they could stay if they were unwell. She said they were well.

Of course, when I picked them up they are quite ill. But seeing her boyfriend was more important.

The old loving mum I knew would never have done this. It is shocking but consistent with everything I read here.

The big question now is how the kids see it? At some point, they too will realise that mom has lost her $#1T and that you are the stable caring parent.... Then all Hades will break loose as they decide to hang with dad more ..... Of course, that may play right into mom's desire to be doin the mattress mambo with OM but that is not your problem.

Your thing to deal with is being the best stable parent you can be which it looks like you are doing a bang-up job of from the view over here in the cheap seats....

[FrenchHusband]

Hi Helpnewc,

I have two questions. I don't remember how old are your children and I (obviously) don't know the Australian law ; could your children be heard by the judge for your divorce ? Here in France it is possible for children 7-18 yo to be heard by the judge in case of a separation, and their words are taken into account.
And (or?), could you give to the judge a few testimonials (by friends or teachers or family ?) saying that you are a good father taking care of your children ?

That could help your case, your children and you.

[Helpnewc]

Hi all, my girls are 7 and 10.

The girls will express their views to the family consultant for the final hearing. The report is quite expensive, $22,000 AUD but I anticipate the report will simply support a slow increase from 5 days to 7 days a fortnight.

I have given up my big job and now work part-time. I live 2km from my wife and the girls school. The Courts job is to assess risk and it is agreed there are no risk factors so it should just be equal time. I think what is happening is just MLC anger at me and wanting to prove to the world that I am a bad husband that justified doing what she did through a Court judgment.

The difficulty is there is no evidence of that. And I think now she has her house and is wanting to see the bf more she may simply agree on my compromise of 6 days.  There seems to be this breakdown where she has gone against her values but is unable to stop it.


But she is just nuts. I can only focus on being a good dad which is what I do.

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

But she is just nuts. I can only focus on being a good dad which is what I do.

That is true on both statements. However, $22,000 is a lot of money for someone to basically state the baby needs to be cut in half. I think you should argue that your were fine with the current custodial arrangement and it was your ex that wanted this report so she should have to pay for it. 

I am happy that my ex is over a thousand miles away and we don't talk at all. Of course my kids are grown and out of college. Read Watcher's thread. OMG!

The system is not always fair. I know you want to take the high road, but you always can't be the one taking the hits. She has to know you can and will throw a hard punch when it comes to the kids.

Have a great day,

(((Ready)))

[UrsaMajor]

That is true on both statements. However, $22,000 is a lot of money for someone to basically state the baby needs to be cut in half. I think you should argue that your were fine with the current custodial arrangement and it was your ex that wanted this report so she should have to pay for it.

It is those mean old nasty consequences of her own actions coming back to haunt her

I am happy that my ex is over a thousand miles away and we don't talk at all. Of course my kids are grown and out of college. Read Watcher's thread. OMG!

The system is not always fair. I know you want to take the high road, but you always can't be the one taking the hits. She has to know you can and will throw a hard punch when it comes to the kids.

Have a great day,

(((Ready)))

[Helpnewc]

Thanks for the advice.

It is my application to increase my time from 5 days a fortnight to 7 days. It is quite frustrating to be honest but she has briefed an inept and bull dog solicitor. There is little I can do but spend the money and be a good dad.

The   Court’s role is to simply ensure kids are no at risk. It is agreed there are no risk factors. So I am not sure why we are fighting other than I want what I want.


I am just trying to get on with it.

[UrsaMajor]

So I am not sure why we are fighting other than I want what I want.

That is the answer in a nutshell... You want it and she want to prevent you from getting it because she hasn't found her "happy" yet either so, if she isn't happy, why should you get what you want?

It is simply another means to try to punish you for the transgressions she has perceived/made up....

But, in the grand scheme of things, trying to figure out why a Mid-Lifer does what they do is like trying to taste green... with your elbow....