[Baxter1]

Well done in not putting your daughters through any drama. It is interesting to make a new life for yourself. This is not the journey any of us wanted but here we are 🤷‍♂️.

Happy Father’s Day

[Helpnewc]

Thanks Baxter, tough day today.

I don’t know why I bothered but I spoke to my wife today and sought an apology for the harm she has done me. She apologised for everything she had done to hurt me but when I asked what were those things she could not name one. It was just dreadful.

This person who I loved so much and who loved me so much just speaking to me like a robot and like I was a nuisance.

I this proverb somewhere:

“Imagine being bitten by a snake and instead of trying to help yourself heal and recover from the poison, you try to catch the snake, to find out the reason it bit you to prove to it that you didn’t deserve that.”

I think that is what I did today. My wife was not always a snake but plainly she is at the moment.

I do wonder why I still seek acknowledgment that what was done to me was wrong. A genuine apology would have mattered I think but it is clear she is incapable of it and it just hurt me more.

She has to have a hysterectomy in a couple of weeks. I do believe the world eventually catches up with people but it is so awful to have your marriage turned into something terrible so that they can run.

[OffRoad]

I like that proverb. I think we still want to think that the spouse we knew and loved, and at least appeared sane, didn't mean to hurt us. If the just UNDERSTOOD what they had done, the would acknowledge it, and seek to make amends. It's what WE would do.

It has helped me to think of the MLC as a kind of mental break. One where right and wrong doesn't exist. There is no concept of honor, Integrity, loyalty or morals. There is only themselves, what they want and no care for anyone unless that person fills a need for them. Some people (a very few) can heal that break. Some never will.

And it so much harder still when the courts have zero clue.

All I can say from my end is when I dropped any expectations, it helped my mental state. And I include expecting my MLCer to act like a decent human being. He's just my third cousin I only see occasionally. I don't know him at all.

Keep being the best you and Dad you can be. You are incredible, your girls know it.

[KayDee]

It helped me to, repeatedly, say to myself 'why I am feeling bad for someone else's actions'.  I too was hoping (I gave up expectations really early into this festival) for some sort of apology, especially after my xH eventually realised it was him, and that he was, to quote him 'going through something'. He even told me he was ashamed and didn't know why he did certain things. But then he hardened his shell again, and did more bad. And this is the thing, we cannot hang our coats on anything a fractured person does or says alas. Because the are all over the place emotionally. If we are able, we can be kind. We can try to empathize, but we cannot expect anything from them. For me, keeping my values and integrity was important to my own healing. I did not want to pickle in my own bitter juices.

My second wave of peace came when I got an apology for myself. I know, as well as one can, what happened. I know that what happened was not my fault. I was a good wife and partner. Good enough, that is....

[Helpnewc]

Thank you.

It is just so odd. She won’t even park in my driveway anymore.

I am just staying distant.

[TheShore]

It helped me to, repeatedly, say to myself 'why I am feeling bad for someone else's actions'.  I too was hoping (I gave up expectations really early into this festival) for some sort of apology, especially after my xH eventually realised it was him, and that he was, to quote him 'going through something'. He even told me he was ashamed and didn't know why he did certain things. But then he hardened his shell again, and did more bad. And this is the thing, we cannot hang our coats on anything a fractured person does or says alas. Because the are all over the place emotionally. If we are able, we can be kind. We can try to empathize, but we cannot expect anything from them. For me, keeping my values and integrity was important to my own healing. I did not want to pickle in my own bitter juices.

My second wave of peace came when I got an apology for myself. I know, as well as one can, what happened. I know that what happened was not my fault. I was a good wife and partner. Good enough, that is....

The only comment that I have is on the first part... I personally feel bad for my kids.  They didn't choose this but will feel the effects.  They are going from a great mom and family to idk what you want to call it...

[Helpnewc]

Yes, it is very difficult for my girls.

The love both their parents. They find it very difficult.
Yesterday was my littlest girls birthday, there was a whole lot of manipulation about how she wanted to be with her mum which I agreed to.

Until the boyfriend was available and she was dropped fast, I find it very difficult how the kids are needed until they are not. Most the time they don’t know.

I just keep making good decisions for my daughters. As long as I do that, it seems to work out.

[TheShore]

Yes, it is very difficult for my girls.

The love both their parents. They find it very difficult.
Yesterday was my littlest girls birthday, there was a whole lot of manipulation about how she wanted to be with her mum which I agreed to.

Until the boyfriend was available and she was dropped fast, I find it very difficult how the kids are needed until they are not. Most the time they don’t know.

I just keep making good decisions for my daughters. As long as I do that, it seems to work out.

Keep up the good decisions, things you can control

I feel like my MLCer treats the kiddoz as pieces of furniture almost.  Or only wants them around when it’s convenient or when she wants a buddy (different from a friend).

[Helpnewc]

It has been over 3 years. 3 years and 2 months.

It is strange to live this life you never wanted or knew existed.

Things seem to be getting worse with my ex wife rather than better. I have given up trying to understand it. She has introduced the girls to the boyfriend but they do not know he occupies that role. I suspect they will work that out with time.


In the end, we did not settle on custody. The trial judge expressed some views that were favourable to me so I backed up the truck. I realised I was making an emotional decision rather than a good decision for the girls and I. My ex partner was pretty angry but bad luck.

My littlest laid in bed with me on Thursday night and I explained I won’t see her again till Thursday. She just said it is too long and dad why did mum leave you. I simply said I don’t know and somethings we just have to accept but not understand.


I am quite weary. It has been a rough journey. Learning that truth is malleable and what gaslighting is,


But I am less emotional. And do tolerate lies anymore. I simply correct them kindly and move on.

But I do not understand what happened. I do realise I never will.

[Helpnewc]

Dear Survivors,
The Court case grinds on. Large amounts of money being spent and damage being caused over a couple of days. Yet seeing my daughters 5 days a fortnight just seems fundamentally unfair. I just can’t wear it so I will just keep grinding on.

The Judge had an interlocutory hearing in our matter. He does not understand why we are there. Neither do I. We have a hearing date in March next year which seems a long time away. He basically recommended my wife settle for what I have offered as a compromise but of course we can’t do that.

You feel punished for being a good man. As there is no family violence in our case, no drugs or alcohol abuse we are a low priority. Our Hearing date in March is as a ‘backup’ matter so we may not get reached.

I just exist. It is all I can do.

-Help

Name changed for privacy - FW