[OffRoad]

The hard part is getting to and past whatever court appearances you end up having to go through.  Curiously, what do you want, to drop the girls at, say 9 PM on Sunday? Do you know of the reason for 7PM on Sunday? (just asking). You deserve to spend the same amount of time with your daughters as she does.  I hope that the holidays are also mapped out in your offer. At this point, you are probably wise to stay away from her as best you can. A friend of mine went to pick up his kids and his ex invited him in to the house. Then she accused him of assaulting her ( no such assault took place, but prove it when you have a crazy person accusing). It sounds to me like she is trying to set him up so he won't get custody at all. I told him stay outside of the house, always. At least until the ink on the final child arrangements is dry.

It is great that you can be a better father. I hope you and the girls enjoy every minute you have together.

[Helpnewc]

Dear Off-road,

There is no logic to the Sunday night. She just wants what she wants but there is a suspicion that it may be due to a reduction in child support if they stay over on the Sunday. The reality is that the case on the Sunday night js hopeless and no father in Australia has been ordered to return their kids at 7 pm on a Sunday.

I am very careful with her. We use an App to communicate that keeps a record that cannot be changed. She recently asked to stop doing that but I have refused until the final orders are made. She regularly sends messages when she ignores me for days on the App about the girls indicating I can call her but then does not answer the phone. I just simply ask her to check her notifications.

There is some indication there may be movement and we may resolve. The inevitability of the outcome and the costs seems to be having an impact but I manage my expectations. Nothing rational is going on.

Thank you for your message. I am very conscious of the dangers. In many respects I have had it easier than many men with the false accusations only relating to financial control and not to family violence. I was never controlling but the fiction leads to outcomes in the Australian system and is also necessary to justify her behaviour.

Help

[readytofixmyselffirst]

Hello,

I am so sorry that you are in such a situation. I am past all custody, child support, and alimony.

She just wants what she wants but there is a suspicion that it may be due to a reduction in child support if they stay over on the Sunday. The reality is that the case on the Sunday night js hopeless and no father in Australia has been ordered to return their kids at 7 pm on a Sunday.

In the above sentence, my ex and you ex are in the same boat. She was suspicious of every transaction or issue where she had to sign or take action. In one of our retirement supplements. She was going to receive a lump sum and no interest would be applied until she removed her asset from my account. As expected, she would not sign any documents to receive her funds. Then she kept asking the financial advisor how she was going to get. He would reply that you are getting x dollars. She would then ask about interest and he would reply until you sign that document, you are not getting any interest at all. It will be x dollars today, x dollars tomorrow, and x dollars ten years from now. She finally signed the document. As per my retirement, there were more documents to be signed. She wouldn't sign them. I finally took the forms into court, filed a motion, and the court signed on her behalf. Over three years to get that accomplished. I could have submitted a different option that would have hurt her and enabled me to become whole again, but I didn't want to cross that path and selected the option that benefited her.  You see, even when presented with the opportunity to hurt her, I took the higher road- just like you have done.

After all was said and done, she sent me a text thanking me for taking care of everything. Just crazy. I don't know if they just reflect on their own actions and deceit and feel that since they have done it to us, that we would do the same back to them.

Just a thought- I really have no clue.

Keep taking care of your daughters and be careful,

(((Ready)))

[Dragonfly33]

Ready I admire not just your wisdom but also your kindness despite how you were treated. I hope your exw will realize one day what she lost not that it matters to you anymore.

[Helpnewc]

Dear LBS,

After 2 years in Court we appear to have resolved for what I offered 3 years ago. The truth is that my wife has been simply using the system to have more time with my girls and sadly where there is no domestic violence, substance abuse or mental illness we were at the bottom of the list.

But I have got there. I still don’t quite understand how we are in this place and why I have been treated so badly. I have tried to be kind but it just leads to more nastiness so from 2026 I am just going to put myself first. There has been no empathy or kindness for me.

And I have asked for 18 months for the divorce application from her. It keeps being promised but does not arrive. I will ask once more in the New Year and then do it myself.

It is very sad for our children that we are unable to speak to each other but I accept that. I cannot have anything to do with someone who lies so much and is completely unaccountable.

Help

[FaithWalker]

I'm so sorry Help, what a long road.  Hang in there, hopefully there will be some light soon.

[Helpnewc]

I have just returned from a 12 day cruise with the girls. It was great.

The divorce application has not arrived. I have been ignored. I suspect on a holiday with the boyfriend.

I know there are those who say they are still in there. My experience is they are not. I have never seen such a change.

And I accept I am a slow learner but I have finally stopped asking the snake why it bit me.
I probably regret standing. But I also know I had to try. It has delayed my healing.

But I have also learned that any kindness is abused. I only make decisions on what is good for me and the girls from now.

[Dragonfly33]

As they always say here, be kind to yourself. I guess a lot of us here were once slow learners but what’s important thing is we learned something. We might have different pace in the learning process but we will all get there. In the past I also said to myself, I should have give up earlier but as my psychologist said at the time I wasn’t just capable and that’s ok. So, don’t regret anything, you did your best to save your marriage and at least you can look back and say I tried. Keep healing!  Glad you enjoyed your trip with your daughters.

[Trustandlove]

Hi, Help,

By that reckoning I am/was the slowest learner here....  but I don't regret standing for all that time, and for being there for my children.  They are now grown and for them it meant everything. My daughter said to me just the other day that she now, as an adult, is seeing how hard that all was, and that she knows that I kept it all on as even a keel as I could for them.