[HeavenlyFocus]

Help,

My D was finalized in early 22 and I was let go of my job the next day.  It was a very difficult time but it also gave me time to heal. I was able to find another job and eventually find a better job that I now really enjoy.  Hope your time gardening is giving you time to rest and heal.

As for getting acknowledgment about being treated badly, my focus was on my life and making sure I was thriving and taking care of my kids. My XW has struggled and it’s very clear that I have moved forward well in life.  I don’t need the acknowledgement from her. Life has a way of revealing the truth.

Take care of yourself and I wish you the best.

HF

[MomOfSteel]

I hope you are able to use the six months to reset and launch in a new direction where the job is more fulfilling than the last.  I don’t know why, but with the whole MLC mess it sometimes just feels like the hits keep coming.  It’s exhausting to be constantly trying to hold everything together.  I hope the job search is coming along.  Hugs. 

[OffRoad]

All I have to offer is try acceptance. This is your reality. Maybe it stinks right now, but accept this is what life has given you. Everyone here sees you, hears you, knows your pain and that it is completely unfair. Knowing all this, you take care of you and the children. You feel bad when you feel bad, and take all the little wins as the positives they are, even if it's just getting out of bed when you don't want to. Healing is not linear.

While on garden leave, try something new. Get out and about if you can, even if it's just taking yourself to lunch.

Search for new opportunities, even though you cannot apply for/accept them just yet. Know what is out there and what you might like. Should the perfect job arise,  you might request an early release (depends on the situation).

Play games with your kids. Indoor and outdoor.  Rearrange your space. Find a new hobby.  Build bird houses and give them away. Go Geocaching. Do something and celebrate the win.

Once you accept "this is what I have, what do I do with it?" slowly, slowly you will heal more. It's easy running on automaton mode (get up, go to work, pick up kids/dinner/dry cleaning, come home eat dinner, watch TV, go to sleep rinse and repeat). It's hard running on "Who moved my cheese?" mode. Accept that and roll with it, good or bad.

We get it. You get it. At some point you will also know you GOT this. It just takes time.

[Helpnewc]

Thank you Off-road.

I am 2 months into the garden and starting to do a little better. It is just so much time. Everyone else is so confident I will do well and yet you do not feel it yourself.

It is such a difficult way to live. My children have gone for 10 days now and they are scared of their mum so I don’t really hear from them. I am continuing to heal. The damage is so significant.


Acceptance is the main thing. This is how my life is now. It is not a way I wanted to live but I will push through.

[Helpnewc]

Not much to report.

The affair partner has gone. Two years to the dot. My wife is being a bit nicer not me but not much nicer. I am focussing on self healing and doing my best.

I have two months more of gardening leave. I have a couple of job offers. Much less money but hopefully a lot less pressure. I am just trying to focus on being a better human.


But how I miss my family being together. It is something I try to not focus on but it creeps in.

[Baxter1]

Help,

I think that’s what I struggle with as well. We used to do everything together as a family, now it’s separate vacations and dinners, just seems so unnecessary. Good on you for self improvement, keep it up!

[Helpnewc]

Dear fellow LBC,

Over four years in. How strange this life is. And how long it takes to finally drop the rope. I would never have believed that someone I loved so much could become so distant and do what she has. It is an odd way to exist.

Healing is quite slow. People tell me you are a nice man. You should not be alone. But the hurt is so deep and focussing on my children is really where I am. I am a much better person than I was but I do wish it did not take what it did. Not that I was particularly bad before but I just have a greater understanding of humans. I move slower, I am kinder and I understand the impact of words much more.


I have found new employment. It is my third act. I am reframing it as an opportunity but starting a new in your early 50’s is challenging. But I can do it.

I have asked my wife a few times for the divorce application. She has indicated it has been prepared for some years but it does not arrive. I will ask again in a few weeks. It does feel like a final abuse that the divorce she wants she will not apply for. I have paid for everything else and I would be grateful if she would do it.


But I also know that I may have to do it myself and I will if I need to.


I have developed cataracts in my eyes. I did not know that 50 percent of people get them in their 50s. I am looking forward to them being fixed.


Things with my daughters are going very well. I feel blessed I am a much improved father. I don’t quite understand why we spend hundreds of thousands of dollars in Court for my wife to agree to what was proposed before we went to Court. There has been so much unnecessary damage.


This board is quieter now. I hope this means that people confusing the isolation of the pandemic for the destruction of their self may have reduced. There has been so much cost.