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Author Topic: My Story Help Please 5

H
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My Story Help Please 5
#140: October 17, 2026, 01:33:29 PM
Dear Friends,

I had a bit of a bad week last week. I had asked my wife to not drop the divorce on me for a little bit (it has been nearly 5 years in May) and without notice she served it on my lawyer and I got an email at work.

I have just started the new job and was recovering from cataract surgery. I then expressed my disappointment that I had not been notified she was proceeding and I got a bundle of lies back.

It is my own fault. I had thought she might show a little empathy but I should have known that she would not do it when I asked for years and then when I asked not to do it for 3 months she would. It has been very much an act of empowerment to kick me a lot. This was just another opportunity to do so.

Understanding it does not make it any better and it threw me for a loop. I should have just remembered that she is pretty gutless and likes to kick me through her lawyers.

I am doing better. The new job is hard but is objectively going well. It is hard starting from scratch. My relationship with my daughters is much improved and I am grateful for that.

But I did love and adore my wife. Understanding you are not what she has made you to do what she has is frustrating. A the enabler is still there.


It is surprising how long healing takes. I am glad I have taken the time but I do miss who I was before. Being more certain of things is a good thing as you lose your compass for a while.

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Re: Help Please 5
#141: October 19, 2026, 05:37:53 PM
Help,

I’m sorry to hear that it is going down this way. I’m very happy to hear that your relationship with kids is good, I found the same with my boys. It’s a silver lining of sorts, if you can call it that.

Keep going in your own journey of healing and growth. I see BD as the day the old her died and a new ‘her’ was born. It’s frustrating, unimaginable and confusing but here we are.
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BD 3/23
Standing
D Final 12/25
Me-49
W-47
S-17
S-20
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Help Please 5
#142: Today at 08:24:37 AM
One usually sure way to get a Mid-Lifer to actually do something is to ask them NOT to do it.... If nothing else, it gets the whole "You can't tell me what to do" thing going....

Sorry that she did what she did but that is all on her. You do what you need to do and let her swing int eh breeze when she finds out that life isn't all peaches and cream...
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Me - 62, xW - 55
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 19, D - 15
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019
Moved on in life
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.
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