[limitless]

He’ll to all.
I’m surprised that my thread was still here!
I thought that I would post an update.
Mr eldest daughter got engaged this spring.  I’m very happy and excited for her!

So, one of the things that I feared having to face back in 2010 when this whole MLC drama entered my life - is finally occurring.  A life event with one of our adult children.  A wedding.   Many of you have already experienced life experiences with your MLCer.  I have been spared this event all this time.  Of course - this will be my daughter’s day - so I need to do whatever I can to not add any drama. 

I always thought that I’d be at my daughter’s wedding, alone  while my ex would be there with his wife  OW1.

While I am still solo, my ex and OW1 are now divorced for the 2nd time.  The wedding is not until next year - so who knows if they will reconcile - but I may be spared from all of that.

My D35 and her finance will have an engagement party next month.  His family (they live back East) will all be in attendance.  My D35 is planning to host a dinner the night before the event - so that both families can get to know each other before the engagement party.  She has decided not to include her father.  It has zero to do with me - and everything to do with the relationship, or lack thereof, my ex  has with his  children. My D35 does not want to be embarrassed by her Dad. 

For the wedding, my D35 has decided to have both her father and her mother (me) walk her down the aisle.

How do I feel about this?  I’d rather never see his trucking face ever again.  (I haven’t seen him since 2016).  But, this isn’t about me.  It’s whatever she wants. It’s her day.  This is for her.

So, I will do whatever she wants.

Here is the problem. I have a very readable face.  So very much so.  I guess I will have to practice showing nothing. That will be tough.

Family is a very important part of my life. It’s such a shame what MLC does to families.  That being said, I’m very thankful for the relationship that I have with my adult kids.  As they have added significant others, I am also very appreciative of those relationships too.

I just wish I didn’t have to be around him ever. Oh well. Such is life. 

[TheShore]

He’ll to all.
I’m surprised that my thread was still here!
I thought that I would post an update.
Mr eldest daughter got engaged this spring.  I’m very happy and excited for her!

So, one of the things that I feared having to face back in 2010 when this whole MLC drama entered my life - is finally occurring.  A life event with one of our adult children.  A wedding.   Many of you have already experienced life experiences with your MLCer.  I have been spared this event all this time.  Of course - this will be my daughter’s day - so I need to do whatever I can to not add any drama. 

I always thought that I’d be at my daughter’s wedding, alone  while my ex would be there with his wife  OW1.

While I am still solo, my ex and OW1 are now divorced for the 2nd time.  The wedding is not until next year - so who knows if they will reconcile - but I may be spared from all of that.

My D35 and her finance will have an engagement party next month.  His family (they live back East) will all be in attendance.  My D35 is planning to host a dinner the night before the event - so that both families can get to know each other before the engagement party.  She has decided not to include her father.  It has zero to do with me - and everything to do with the relationship, or lack thereof, my ex  has with his  children. My D35 does not want to be embarrassed by her Dad. 

For the wedding, my D35 has decided to have both her father and her mother (me) walk her down the aisle.

How do I feel about this?  I’d rather never see his trucking face ever again.  (I haven’t seen him since 2016).  But, this isn’t about me.  It’s whatever she wants. It’s her day.  This is for her.

So, I will do whatever she wants.

Here is the problem. I have a very readable face.  So very much so.  I guess I will have to practice showing nothing. That will be tough.

Family is a very important part of my life. It’s such a shame what MLC does to families.  That being said, I’m very thankful for the relationship that I have with my adult kids.  As they have added significant others, I am also very appreciative of those relationships too.

I just wish I didn’t have to be around him ever. Oh well. Such is life.

I’m so far behind you, but this may be a possibility in my future as well.  I feel for ya.  Sounds like you have the right approach with it being your daughter’s day.

Gratz to her and gl to you.

[xyzcf]

Hi Limitless, congratulations to your daughter!

Many years ago, when our daughter was graduating from college and I had not seen my husband in 19 months, either you or Voyager said "treat him like a long lost relative that you do not know very well"..it was great advice.

Since that time, there has been regular time that we spend together...with our daughter and son in law and often just the two of us. This is not for everyone but it has worked for me and I am in a place of peace and calm that escaped me for years.

No matter what happened in our marriage, we still are a family...dysfunctional for sure and we both have lives totally separate from one another's, as it should be after so many years.....maybe how I feel about it now is that we had many good years together, many happy memories and it ended..not because I wanted it to...but because this was not the life he wanted any more.

I can accept that now....without needing an answer to why.

Perhaps it would help to have the opportunity to see him before the wedding, might make it easier on events that occur around the wedding since it would not be the first encounter after so many years.

We both walked our daughter up the aisle..one on each side of her and that was ok.

You have time to get used to the idea, and we sure have been able to "get used" to many things over the years and will need to "get used" to many more.

Good luck.

[KayDee]

I just wish I didn’t have to be around him ever. Oh well. Such is life.

Just before I read your last post, I was having a conversation with a close friend of mine. She split with her partner of 30 years (they''d been together since they were 17!) about 9 years ago. It was not an MLC, but it did involve huge betrayal and long-term lying on his part. She has not seen him since the split and was dreading bumping into him. Well, she had just had that encounter, in the local supermarket and she was relaying how unexpected her response to it was. She said she felt nothing much at all. No racing heart, no anger, just a bland 'meh'. She did say he looked so full of self pity. He looked old and crumpled. She is striking and full of grace. She did not speak to him, she just carried on her shop. She said he lurked in the  shopping packing area (with his granny trolley  ) waiting for her to approach him - she left without breaking her stride. She was very relieved that this shadow lifted.

It seems in your situation, at the wedding, you will be surrounded so much love and support, from the people you have invested your love into this last decade, which I am sure has rippled out to your new extended family. Your X is entering into that bonded community. If I was him, I'd be the apprehensive one.

[MadLuv]

My daughter got married 10 months after BD. It was a small intimate wedding of less than 50 family only. It went surprisingly well. It was odd, but I was also still in the first year shock and he was already remarried ( we had no idea and he did not bring her) you are sooooo far out.  I think it will be odd to see him, but I bet you feel pretty mehhhhh about it. One think I am realizing is that their absence absolutely teaches us how to live without them.  This is what you have done and you will not be the odd man out, but he will. I don't think you have to worry about tour facial expressions. His will be the ones on show!

[limitless]

Hello to all,

Thought I’d update my thread.

The engagement party was very, very nice.  Ex husband was fine - we spoke a few polite words.  He attempted to be nice, although he seldom can find the right words. He wanted me to know that he held no bad feeling for me.  I will sarcastically say that I was so very relieved by that comment. I just said thanks.  Otherwise he and I had very little interaction. I did tell him that I was sorry to hear that his marriage did not work out   He mumbled something about how he had screwed that up.  Ok.

My daughter looked so beautiful.  She and her fiancé are very happy.

It was good to see family and friends.  I spent some time with my ex in laws and family(ex’s sister, brother, spouses and adult kids).   I think I see them more often than he does.

Actually ex looked like a lost soul.  I actually feel a bit bad for him.

But, I will say that after all this time it is difficult to even see what I ever saw in him.  It is clearly no longer there.

To those of you still struggling with the mess that is MLC - you will get through this. And be better than you were.  Just work through it and do all you can to find joy in your life.  If you reconcile with your ex that is great.  Just know that life can be good either way. 

Take care of yourselves and your families. 

[Dragonfly33]

Nice update limitless. It made me chuckle when you mentioned you xh said he had no ill feelings towards you. I wonder though, are these MLCers really clueless of the damage they’ve done? After having bulldozed their marriage and cheated on their spouse, he still had the guts to say he had no ill feelings towards you. I just find it so arrogant. It sounds like he is still very much in that MLC tunnel. On the other hand, you sound like you’re in a good place now. Keep the updates coming.

[beyondblessed]

Hello, Limitless!  Glad to hear the engagement party went fine, and you enjoyed yorself.  Also, how extremely gracious and benevolent ( thick sarcasm noted) of your xh to harbor no ill will towards you.  Whew, what a relief  .  And, interesting he admitted to screwing up his most recent M.  Gotta wonder if he sees a pattern in all of this?

In all seriousness, you are so right about life being better than just ok on the other side.  We make it through one step at a time, but over time, those steps are very monumental when you look back and see how far you've come.

[MadLuv]

I knew he would be the black sheep at the event. I haven’t seen my  XH in
3 years. I do wonder what exactly my thoughts would be. I miss an intact family and I think it is harder to recover if it happens after the kids are grown, but I definitely no longer miss him.  So thoughtful of you XH to not have any ill will. Hahahah. I think it goes back to they are entitled and they rewrite the story and they believe it. That’s crazy in itself. Good update!!