[Biscuit]

Previous Thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=12045


New thread time for me. UM or another mod can you either remind me how to link threads, or if you're feeling extra generous possibly do it for me!

My potted LBS story thus far:

Feb 2022 - I get the speech - the usual crapola that we've all heard - and a few extras for good measure.

May 2022 - I move out of the family home (lots of manipulation to get me out - I honestly believe at this time that I'm the worst man to walk the planet and I've been an awful spouse)

Sometime between May and August 2022 (or maybe earlier) there's an OM - I find out in August - it destroys me. But also around this time I find out about MLC - Mrs B ticks all the boxes and ticks some that I haven't even read about

August 2022 - Christmas 2022 - W continues her double life - but a few friends find out about OM and are introduced to him - I know nothing about him but much later W's best mate describes him as a f&^king bellend (I think bellend is my favourite ever put down so I was somewhat amused by this at the time)

Jan 2023 - W announces to me that she wants to tell kids about OM - I think it's an awful idea as he's waaay younger than her and the kids are still reeling from the seperation. Obviously W tells them anyway.

April 2023 - OM is introduced to the kids after W has promised in mediation that she wouldn't do so without my knowledge and a family sit down. Later that month I complete the London Marathon - probably my proudest moment aside from becoming a father.

May or June 2023 - OM disappears never to be mentioned again

July 2023 - W begins trying to reconnect - sporadically - with occasional monster when she doesn't get her way

July 2023 -Now - 14 months of reconnection - we see each other often, sometimes daily - speak every day on the phone - send texts as often as we did when we were together (sometimes this can be 50 - 100 texts or even more per day) . No talk of any commitment - aside from about the kids or finances (W has not burned her way through our savings or even spent much money in the last year).
The kids spend about half the time with each of us and we also spend more and more time together as a family unit. We attend kids functions, family events, some friends events and football matches together as a family. W is still a little secretive / private about her time spent away from the rest of us - but she mostly stays in or meets up with mutual friends. I don't think there is any OM business going on - but I don't snoop so wouldn't know.
All of our financial decisions are made together and by mutual consent- we effectively are a family unit living between 2 homes. We help each other out with all sorts of things as we own 2 businesses together, I run one and W runs the other. W still hasn't told anyone at her company that we are seperated but I'm sure they would be somewhat suspicious as I haven't attended any of her work events for 2 1/2 years - but maybe she just says I'm home with the kids.
The kids are doing pretty well. I think I protected them from the worst of the madness of early replay, although I did make excuses for W that I should probably have let her take a bit of ownership of. They are 12 and 18 now and seem to enjoy family times, and I know they enjoy time with W and with me separately too.
We have 2 family cats who live where I am, W rarely sees them, I know she found it very hard when they came to live with me almost 2 years ago - but at that time she was barely at home and was relying on MIL to look after them. The family time we all spend together is generally out of the house or at the house where W stays - I think she finds it hard to come here and see the cats and then has to say goodbye, so she avoids it. I have offered for them to stay with her a few times but she hasn't been keen on that as they are settled and happy here. 
I'm doing pretty good, all things considered. I feel pretty lucky to have navigated this sh*&e storm as well as I have and still have my sanity, a home and some money in the bank. My work is going brilliantly, in fact it;s never been better. I'd say I'm thriving.
I still miss family life, companionship, and the support that a spousal relationship should bring. I still hope that maybe one day I'll have that again with W - but nowadays I'm not counting on it as my only way forward.
I have zero interest in dating anyone other than W - I still consider myself married (although weirdly unlike most on here me and W never actually tied the knot so I'm not actually married at all). I am lucky enough to have many female friends who are either married or gay, who really enjoy my company - so I have no lack of women to hang out with or socialise with, I'm never short of someone to take to an industry party or event.

Well, here it is - my fourth thread - I wonder where I'll be at the end of this one!!

[UrsaMajor]

Following along.....

[xyzcf]

Hello Biscuit,

There are not too many people who have this type of relationship with their spouse that you do, and it isn't particularly easy but it can be done. Even as we wish for more.

I also have, at times , quite regular communication with my husband and we do family things together...take vacations and enjoy the holidays with our daughter. Lately, he has been confiding more to me and I actually received an apology this week for something that happened recently...the first time he has apologized for anything (nothing related to blowing up our marriage but significant to me in other ways).

You can see the movement in her, things are not as they were a year ago. Your kids are benefitting from the family time and I think, the respect that your show their mother even though the way she is living her life is not as it should have been...you have accepted this and this is helpful to your kids as they don't have to feel like they are choosing between parents.

So thank you Biscuit for sharing the way things are going in your family and with your wife.

I have zero interest in dating anyone other than W - I still consider myself married (although weirdly unlike most on here me and W never actually tied the knot so I'm not actually married at all)

Married or not married, the love and ties that you shared with her are, I think no different.  I don't deny, to myself and to a few friends, the feelings I have, the love I have for my husband. Although lonely, another person cannot fill that void for me. I try and fill my life with good things and create a life where I do not need another person in that way.....not ruling it out completely...but certainly ok without another partner in my life.

Keep us updated!

[Biscuit]

Thanks UM for the link, following along and the slap on the wrist for go way over 150 posts - naughty Biscuit.

Thanks too XY. As you know we align on much of our attitudes towards our wayward spouses and your support and encouragement is always very welcome. You've been at this a lot longer than me, and I admire your stand greatly. At my last IC session I asked my therapist if, given all he knew about mine and W's journey, that he thought my continuing support of W made me a fool. He said he thought it was actually quite beautiful and pure....

I'll continue to post as I, W, the kids and the cats continue our journey - hopefully someone will find it of some use!

This weekend I'll be on my own as S is going to see his GF in her new student digs and D and W are off to stay at W's BF house for the weekend. I have plans for a nice long run tomorrow daytime. Saturday night I'm going to a club (on my own!) as there's a very special DJ set happening - I'm sure to bump into friends there. On Sunday there's a big work event so I'll go and have fun with my team and the other teams on my current project.
Next week we are packing up our current office and moving to a new location right in the centre of Soho for a few months. That will be really good I think, it's been a few years since I was based out of Soho (the London one - I haven't worked in the New York one for almost 20 years). It's much changed from the seedy days of old - but still has it's charm and a few places that maintain some of it's less salubrious history. Plus, I'll be right in the centre of London for the lead up to Christmas, which makes for good festive shopping and meeting friends for visits to the cinema and the pub - brilliant!

[Baxter1]

I am happy for you and this great update. Having the family together is a good thing. Also well done protecting them from the replay antics. I have found that with mom out in lala land it gave me and the kids to get closer

[Biscuit]

Thanks Baxter!!

Things do get a little easier with some space. It’s incredibly hard at the beginning of that process to have the sort of lens you have on it a few months or years down the line though.

[FaithWalker]

I was just in London visiting and loved it.  One of the things we did was a pub tour around the Theatre District and St. Giles

[Biscuit]

FW,

That sounds fun. London is a really great place to visit (and live!), so much to do and see.

Hope you enjoyed it?

B

[FaithWalker]

I loved it.  We had a great time, I love the ease of riding the trains and not having to drive everywhere lol, the flower shops on just about every corner, looking up and seeing windows flung open and fresh flowers in the windows, people hanging out at the parks and open spaces.  Even the rain wasn't bad.  Drizzly yes, but not a downpour soak you to your skin like I would get if I go outside in the rain here.   

[Biscuit]

FW

Yes, it's great using public transport in London - many of my friends and colleagues don't have cars - or even bothered learning to drive - it's not really needed in London.

In other news myself and W went for lunch together (as in with no children or friends) today. This was the first time we have done so since Feb 2022 - 4 days before BD. It was really pleasant, we ate some lovely food and chatted about the kids recent achievements and challenges, spoke about some investments which are about to mature and other less interesting stuff. And spoke a little about what each of us has been up to - as well as a little gossip.
Really nice time - hope it happens again sometime.