[AlvinTheMaker]

My oh my, time for my 9th epic. I was originally planning to call this as Last Ride of the Day, but it seems to be turning to Here I Go Again (still using song/music references, LoL). So gather around the campfire and listen of another adventure in land of midlife-something.

Me and my current W went to therapist recently. Her menopause has been causing all sorts of physical and mental stuff and also some strain to relationship, and I thought it would be good to talk it through with pro.  What I thought would be "no biggie" turned into "biggie" as my W opened up on her past traumas first time ever with professional.  Faster than I could say WhatTheHeckHappened she was forwarded to specialized traumatherapist.

And this brought an important lesson, that therapist identified and shared with us, that I think relates to MLC as well.

In a safe and healthy relationship, past traumas that were previously suppressed can resurface because the nervous system finally feels secure enough to process them. Those deeply buried emotions, memories, or triggers may emerge as anxiety, emotional flooding, or physical symptoms... And that is where we landed. First time ever she is in healthy and safe relationship , and her body and mind is starting to process out 4 decades worth of not-so-happy events 

It also works on reverse. If the person is on survival mode and does not have the capacity to confront deep emotional wounds, they will hunt for unhealthy relationships or seek life alone.  It is way to escape...and this is likely where MLCrs fall into.

So how firetrucked can human mind get. You put in the effort to build safe and nurturing relationship, and yet, the very safety of it allows deeper issues to surface and hit like ton of bricks. Human mind is really something. Oh lucky me lol, just when you think you are out of rat race, midlife-something bounces back to your life in all new format.

Oh well, at least she has chance of getting her stuff together for good. And I feel I am much better equipped with "new crisis," (or most likely this will become MLT)..   But still, this MLC/MLT is a gift that keeps on giving year after year.

Alvin

[FaithWalker]

Oh goodness Alvin.  Hopefully your W can work through this and come out better than when she went in.

[AlvinTheMaker]

Oh goodness Alvin.  Hopefully your W can work through this and come out better than when she went in.

I hope so too.

These are "dangerous waters" to sail in. The ingredients of full blown crisis are there in a sense that whereas she now sees me as a lighthouse and is in love, she can as easily fall to survival mode and unhealthy coping when deep old wounds are poked in therapy.

Best ,and all, I can try to do is let go and let god. And try to keep my own wellbeing as northern star. Both skills I  lacked before my XW's MLC. So despite the not-so-good news, there is also a lot of gratefulness for all that I have learned from this place and people in here🙏🏻

Alvin

[MadLuv]

Wow, divorces due to a MLC and remarried and new MLC.  This sounds more like a transition thought since she is willing to look and address, but I am still amazed at anyone that can get into a new relationship after a long marriage and a crazy ending. She is lucky she has someone that has learned and has the patience and understanding that most would not

[WHY]

I wonder if us LBS attract a certain type of person too, prone towards MLC? 

[AlvinTheMaker]

Wow, divorces due to a MLC and remarried and new MLC.  This sounds more like a transition thought since she is willing to look and address, but I am still amazed at anyone that can get into a new relationship after a long marriage and a crazy ending.

At times I wonder my sanity too, LOL. 

Alvin

[AlvinTheMaker]

I wonder if us LBS attract a certain type of person too, prone towards MLC?

Likely/Maybe... Maybe it is the "good guy/woman trap". If you can make partner feel safe, it seems to be call sign for unhealed trauma to surge. And that is where you may get either MLC or MLT. Twisted logic, but could well be valid. And could explain why here are mostly good people who provided and cared and loved unselfishly.

I knew she had traumatic past, but in the end most people have had skeletons. You can only rely on their word of them being done and dealt, and watch for  behaviour. But if mask is on and it is well crafted...then it's gonna be hard. And of course rose/pink goggles make it harder, LOL


Oh well, lets see where this goes. Hopefully MLT, but still sucks.

Alvin

[Standing Strong]

Alvin!!!

Back for round two (ding-ding). 

Well, at least you knew where to go right away. 

Sorry to hear...... I think LBS are prone to this happening, seen it several times with people I know.

At least she wants help, that's a great starting point.

-SS

[AlvinTheMaker]

Alvin!!!

Back for round two (ding-ding). 

Well, at least you knew where to go right away. 

Yep, emotional support is important.

At least she wants help, that's a great starting point.

Yes, all new perspective. I doubt we would not be here if i had not initiated the therapy. It was definitely a "hell freezes over" kind of thing initially, but I assume it was right time and right person that got her to open.

But let's see where this goes. Long journey ahead, regardless of what lies ahead.

Alvin

[sachertorte]

I am sorry Alvin that this has happened. And I want to say that LBSes are amazing, magnificent, starlights and sunshine of the earth! Y'all certainly kept me afloat when things were far from their best.

I hope you take care of yourself. Lavish some of the beautiful compassion that let someone feel so safe they go home to their fears, on yourself. You so deserve some tranquility and warmth of life.