[forthetrees]

I´d like to think that in a few months you will be grateful to have reached a conclusion sooner than later. As someone who let it drag out for around 3 years due to various reasons, if I could go back in time I would have ended it much sooner. You have spared yourself years of further heartache. You reached acceptance much quicker than many. Though the pain is still brutal, your acceptance has spared you even more pain.

[Reinventing]

I look back and am very grateful I ended mine quickly. It's painful either way, but at least the practical/business parts were complete.

And the marriage was over well before that anyway, as we well know. I just didn't know it.

[TheShore]

Accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference 😀

[zartheit]

You sound very put together. I was still melting down at the equivalent time.

I do agree with forthetrees. From where I stand now I believe it would have been better to take the more traditional interpretation of the situation, mainly that the relationship was indeed over. That being said, I don't think it was possible for me before it actually happened. I had too much hope that me and my ex were special and that it would be different for us, somehow. Her inconsistent behavior (which I now see as hesitation wounds) certainly did NOT help with that. Having those fantasies burst and then sitting with the feelings that poured out was incredibly challenging for me. I am glad that you are spared at least a layer of that!

Also glad that the system didn't disintegrate you, even if it could have been more kind. Congrats on the house!

[TheShore]

You sound very put together. I was still melting down at the equivalent time.

I do agree with forthetrees. From where I stand now I believe it would have been better to take the more traditional interpretation of the situation, mainly that the relationship was indeed over. That being said, I don't think it was possible for me before it actually happened. I had too much hope that me and my ex were special and that it would be different for us, somehow. Her inconsistent behavior (which I now see as hesitation wounds) certainly did NOT help with that. Having those fantasies burst and then sitting with the feelings that poured out was incredibly challenging for me. I am glad that you are spared at least a layer of that!

Also glad that the system didn't disintegrate you, even if it could have been more kind. Congrats on the house!

Thanks for the kind words, appreciated!
At least I can look back at the last ~10 months and be proud of my stand, how I acted, and was a faithful and trying partner through it all.

In regards to the mediation, lesson learned - I tried to protect funds from a condo that I owned prior to our marriage.  I sold it about ~5 years after getting married.  The mistake I made was putting the cash into our joint bank account —> couldn’t protect most of it.  Things one doesn’t think about when you think you are with your forever person.

[JohnnyBravo]

My ex-wife's trick was insisting (via lawyer) that my main bank account was an "in-and-out" for expenses, so we were supposed to split it. (Not true, I just don't frequently move money out of it.) She was scraping through every trick in the book to eke out a few more $k.

[TheShore]

My ex-wife's trick was insisting (via lawyer) that my main bank account was an "in-and-out" for expenses, so we were supposed to split it. (Not true, I just don't frequently move money out of it.) She was scraping through every trick in the book to eke out a few more $k.

Yea, we tried, did the best we could.
The mediator knew my story and was very helpful/reasonable.  Basically told me the judge would award split and extra $$$ in lawyer fees - best deal to take now.