[Father5]

Hi Everyone

   Its been a long time since I have posted. I am starting some therapy and trying to finally put in work to start to heal. I am doing EDMR therapy, and it caused me to think of you guys, I miss and love all of you and I wonder where I would be without all of you.


 I am getting financially fit FINALY. I move into a new home this week, my daughter has moved in with me. My son is still living with his mom and getting ready for college.  Most everything has been okay.

  I am still not extremely happy in my life. I still struggle with thoughts of my ex. It's been 7 years now since my separation and subsequent divorce. To rebuild I basically put my life into my work. I thought it would help me heal. In a way it did but never really cured the deep underlying issues for me. I am starting to do that now.

  Other than a very few events for the kids we haven't spoken a word to each other, The one time we did I got the "it;s been years since this happened it's time to get over it "speech.

  I wish I could get past the hurt she caused but I find myself NEEDING her to understand that what she did was wrong. I can't get passed that sticking point for me.  I don't want a person in my life that is able to do something like that and not understand why it was wrong. I don't think about her much anymore which is good. I do still miss the life we shared before; I have no hope of any return at this point.


 I am surviving not exactly thriving emotionally.   I no longer worry about being homeless and my finances have greatly improved, and I am grateful for that.  My daughter moving here with me is a complete blessing. It's 600 miles away from mom. I can't imagine the bravery it took to make that decision.

 She is doing awesome, great grades new friends etc. I am really proud of both the kids.

  I have not been dating still as I feel I am not yet happy and broken so to speak but I am finally starting to work on that. I am okay being alone and have come to terms with it. Work has been my life the last 3 years, but I do believe it needed to be. Some of you might remember that being homeless was a concern of mine at one point.

  We took over a big struggling business. in three years', time we were the most profitable in the country. That was my accomplishment I get to own it and it's finally paying off.


  Thats all I got for now. You newbies hang in there! Listen to the old timers they know what they are talking about. Everyone heals at a different pace.  Be kind to yourselves. I went through the worst of the worst as you are going through it now. I am not all the way healed but I am starting to get there. You can too.

Much Love to you all !

[marvin4242]

Hey there, long time no see! And thank you for the mostly postive update. It is great to hear how far you have come from the early days, kudos and credit to you!

Also I really appreciate that you want to go from surviving (which in itself is a great accomplishment) to now thriving. And in my opinion EMDR is a great tool. I know that when I was searching for why it was still important for me to somehow make my wife understand or get acknowledgement most of it came from needs I had that were not fulfilled at other times in my life. EMDR and therapy will help you unlock those and in doing so your need in the present will diminish or go away. Because as you know there is no point waiting and hoping for her to "get it."

Congrats on the business/financial front, now go tackle the rest of your life!

[JohnnyBravo]

Hi, Father5!

Thank you for checking in; I lose track of how long it's been, but I remember pointing at least one new member to your thread when they had concerns about moving away for work. Glad to hear you've turned so much around and are still pushing forward!

I can relate to the thoughts about the ex... I would love to get that apology that I'm never going to get, and if I did get it, I may find I don't care about it so much after all.

Keep on truckin'!

JB

[zartheit]

Welcome back Father5! I never interacted with you before but spent a fair bit of time reading along your threads.

Congratulations on the business. That is no small feat in the best of times.

I can very much relate to that gnawing needing of her to acknowledge her behavior, to acknowledge its consequences, and behind it all to actually see me. In my case, it was/is layers and layers of grief. I can't imagine my ex will ever give me an apology. It is completely unfathomable to me.