[Baxter1]

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=12122.0
(Link to old thread)


New Year, New Me, New Chapter

Journaling:

With a new year comes a new me it would seem. The Divorce is final and we are still cordial. The kids are fine, I met them in Glasgow on New Years Eve, great to see them and Scotland is amazing.
While I was there I also checked out London, amazing town with great people. I was only there for a couple of days, I wish I had more time to visit.

We are still on the 8-10 day cycle or her reaching out. Lately it seems like it’s more like 10-12 but that’s fine. When she does reach out she has complaints about the marriage, I listen, validate when appropriate and empathize with what she is saying. I don’t always agree with what she is saying but I can empathize and let her know I see her point of view. It’s like we are healing what was our marriage one text at a time.

I continue to give space and take my own space to explore my own life and take on new hobbies, make new friends and reconnect with old ones. I see the boys about every 2 weeks or so, they have their own friends and lives so I try to be included but also recognize that they are pretty busy growing up. Baxter is still great, I wish I could take him on my adventures but I think he’s much more comfortable at home.

[Helpnewc]

Well done Baxter.

They are so odd. Why talk about it when you ran and did not want to have a crack

It is so good to read you are in a good place.

[Baxter1]

More journaling:

We’ll just over the 3 year mark. Divorce is final and time marches on it seems..Baxter and I are doing ok. Just got back from a cruise and getting ready for a fun summer. Jess still reaches out about every 10–14 days. I feel that I am at peace with all that has happened, although it’s not what I wanted it gas helped me grow in many ways. I now feel like a stronger person, things that would have bothered me no longer are that big a deal. Maybe it’s part of maturing or just part of my own MLC, maybe both. Either way I know I’ll be ok going forward. Still see the boys as much as possible and hang out with friends. Work is good and im hoping to travel more in the coming months. We’ll see where the journey takes me.

[Helpnewc]

Dear Baxter,

I can’t believe it has been 3 years.

I hit the four mark in May. I can’t believe how my life has changed and the shock has only just started wearing off. My ex-wife is still unable to speak to me and it is odd.

The girls are going well though. They keep me going.

And I find it odd that I still desire some acknowledgment that I have been treated poorly. It is something I am trying to manage as my ex-wife is unable to apologise for anything.

It is just so sad. There is so much damage caused by this collapse of self. I still do not believe it happened to us.

But I am glad you are doing well, travelling and enjoying your lads.

It was pleased to see your update. I do wonder about Frenchhusband occasionally.

Help

[Baxter1]

I often wonder if there will be any type of acknowledgment of what they have done. I’m not holding my breath but it would be nice. Glad to hear the shock is wearing off. Some days I wake up
And wonder what the hell happened, this was not what any of us expected.

As for FH I wonder the same…I appreciate you checking in, had fun with the kids!

[xyzcf]

Some days I wake up
And wonder what the hell happened, this was not what any of us expected.

Acceptance..it comes gradually because it is what will allow us to dig ourselves out from the "what the hell happened".

Few people in the outside world can understand and the phrase "move on" is expressed. over and over yo us...but there is connection, children, memories, love...so "moving on" is somewhat problematic.

But, we can build something new...not what we planned, not what we expected...but moments of joy and peace...and we find it often and it becomes more and more normal to feel ok.....there are still dark days, dates that trigger, songs that hit us hard as we are driving our cars...and finding out things that hurt deeply.....we hear and see what we never ever wanted to hear or see......we mourn what once was but are aware of what can be.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Give Baxter an extra treat tonight.